Support for those in emotionally abusive relationships 2

[bigbuttons]

try again

he doesnt have him at all unless its supervised

Doesn't sound silly at all!! My DS doesn't go any where except to my X and that's only been for a couple of months and I feel empty without him!! my DS that is, he is nearly 5.

ow sorry i have been on here for a while, hissy and mouseface will vouch for me, had 2 leave ds in 2008 and go to woman refuge, he never had anything to do with ds i did everything but is can relate to what you going thru as ive been there, i still sometimes now 3 years later worry if i did the right thing, i know that i will be alone 4 the rest of my life, because i am fat ugly and a waste of space, who would want a 40 yr old with a 5 year old?

Well I'm 46 with a 23 yr old, a 21 yr old and a 5 yr old, but I know that I have a good heart and I'm sure that you have too.

And you know what you know that you did the right thing, deep down you know it, cos most of all your DS is not going to be that influenced by x and that is worth all of the pain, tears and anguish.

We all have blips now and then when we wonder, but if you read through other peoples posts it reminds you of just how bad it was and then you know.

you saved your Ds from years of s**t and will be able to teach him to respect you and others and show him all the love you have and that is really worth so much.
x

And definitely not a waste of space! You left your x, I presume cos he used to say stuff like that to you, don't go doing his job for him now that you've left him and no-one who is good and kind could ever be ugly so I'm sure you are not!!!

thanks iampos just feel so alone i suppose

Yeah know that feeling! are your family any help to you? I was in a refuge 17 yrs ago and I know it can be hard coming into a new area and making friends esp as I am quite shy and when you do feel worthless it makes it doubly difficult and guess what here I am Years later coming out of another abusive relationship, but my two G-up DD's are strong confident people and they would never have been like that if I' stayed with first x so I know it is worth it, hard work, yes but worth it for sure, you will make it and tbh it is not as hard as staying with x and living under constant gunfire, dodging all those bullets and being dragged down daily.

x :) x

I really do feel for you and you know you are not alone 'cos here I have realised that so many people care and it does help, it just gives you a boost, you know.

Sorry about long post full of waffle

Night hydragirl, hope that you feel better in the morning ds will be back tomorrow and the sun will be shining and your future lies ahead, with no x in it!

sleep tight!

Hello hydragirl

Please don't put yourself down, you have obviously come a long way in 3 years :) I'm sure your perception of yourself is mostly thanks to your ex, but like iampos says you surely have a good heart otherwise you wouldn't be doing what is best for your son.

Hope you are feeling better this morning.

I'm devoted to the compassion work. It makes perfect sense to me! It even explains abusers in a way, without asking you to put yourself out for them. Come to think of it, that's probably a very BIG part of what I love about it

Can you explain how compassion explains abusers, garlicnutter? Is it simply the fact that they lack it completely?

Thank you for linking to that book. I have found mindfulness meditation useful in the past, but I have always had huge difficulties with the compassion meditations, as they always start by asking you to tap into the compassion you have for yourself and then ask you to extend it to others. I don't have compassion for myself, quite the opposite! So I find those meditations just frustrating and impossible to do. And revealing of the fact that compassion for myself is what I need to develop. So thanks again. I'll be working on that (although the AD-induced exhaustion is making it hard for me to do anything much these days, and I always fall asleep when I try to meditate. dare not go off the ADs yet, though.)

Yes, I also found it easier to have compassion for other people than for myself! Gilbert spends some time on this. I am improving

WRT to nasty people - it's about how they are being driven by their "threat-fear" response and getting that you can understand how crap it must be for them (and, therefore, feel compassion) but also knowing how to choose whether to engage or not.

I can't summarise a big fat book in one paragraph - it works very well for me. As you said, Puppy, it was a real eye-opener as to how much better I am was at feeling compassion for other people than for myself!

He stresses, throughout the book, that compassion doesn't mean woolly soppiness. It's much more grown-up than that.

And I found a use for my souvenir Young Buddha, who'd been gathering dust since Thailand [hwink]

Sorry, I meant to add, the book is based on brain science (with bits of Zen, Gnosticism and bad jokes thrown in). This appeals to me as I like to know the rationale for what I'm being asked to do. Probably wouldn't suit everybody, though.

morning all, got little man back so am happy again, gonna go for a stroll and go get him the bumblebee transformer with the money his dad gave him, maybe a cheeky maccy ds too!!

morning her saw u on chat last night but u disapeared x

Have fun! :)

its all about the new chicken wraps!!!!

Aha

Sorry mate, I must have had FB on in the background! I closed up early and finished off a film.

Now that I know who you are hydra (good name actually!) i will tell you again what I told you elsewhere. Your X is abusive, you see him and he gets at you. He treated you dreadfully for a very long time (understatement) and he STILL is. He does what suits him WRT your DS, he hasn't paid proper maintenance, and only does so when it suits.

You need to disengage from this dreadful man. get someone else to do hand overs, or have someone with you so he can't say anything untoward to you. Don't allow him the space in your life to comment.

WTF is he to think he can engage with you on any kind of level playing field? He's so, very very low. You eclipse him, he knows it, which is why he fought so hard to destroy you.

You need to get onto the freedom programme or into a DV survivors group. Please go to the Drs and get some support.

OOh, those chicken wraps are good?

I usually have the nuggets with a salad

hello everyone, just popping in, having an awesome weekend with an old friend who has come out the other side of DV - her house is so chilled, so joyful, so full of love and positivity - I wish I could sprinkle it all over you!

There is life after them. A good life. A life of undreamed-of freedom, warmth, positivity, healing and love. where no one tries to squash down your personality, restrict your movement, stop your voice, but instead encourages you to be yourself, appreciate yourself, and go forth in the world with courage and positivity.

thanks hissy i had a lovely milkshake too!! then spent afternoon with a good friend and the kids, trying to transform a bloody transformer!!

hi can I join? finally ended my 6 yr relationship today after police involvement. Feeling very fragile atm

I was going to say to you to pop on over findme, glad you found us.

You did the right thing. (((hugs)))

hydra... seeing as the name is new... surely you are not that attached to it... I thought up a spiffing new one for you... very topical....

JKGrowling