I haven't been around for a while; really sorry. Posted a bit on the first of these thread,then tried to convince myself that things weren't as bad as I thought, and if I could just pull myself together and not dwell on things all would be ok.
I've just had a horrible day, can't think straight, I've tried to read through this thread but I just can't focus and so I'm really really sorry if this comes out as one big selfish rant but I just need to get it all down and out of my head.
I have been away at a work conference for 4 days. Phoned home on Sunday evening to say I'd arrived safely ready for conference to begin the next morning. No answer. A couple of hours later, finally get through and speak to DC1, who sounds upset and says dad has been stressed and angry and bossy. DC2 won't say anything by time it's his turn as H has come back into the room. He does however tell me that a) H (who is a church pastor)had a meeting with Ex OW ( they had an EA with some kissing and touching not a full on PA, he swears) after church that morning, and they (DC1 &2) had been very bored waiting for it to end. and B) H had just had a load of his new 'friends' round for a BBQ and drinks that evening: people H is working on a project with but who he keeps me at arms length from; this is the third time they have had a 'social event' and every time I've been away.
Came home Wednesday night, H busy and distant, acting like he is going through the motions of being pleased to see me. i suggested going out tonight and he ummed and ahh'd and tried to think of an excuse not to; he has actually found a work related excuse and gone out by himself. Today I raised my concerns about how he hadn't told me he was meeting with ex OW, he got very cross and said, she and another volunteer asked for the meeting it wasn't his fault they had to meet; I said he could have phoned me first, as he is supposed to any time he has to meet with her, and he didn'treply. I then said I was uncomfortable and felt excluded from the social gatherings he was arranging while he was away. He said it was just the same as me going out with my friends.
I then asked about a new job he'd been applying for which would start next year, and he said he'd decided not to apply. I was annoyed since the deal with him staying where he is and therefore in work related contact with Ex OW was because he promised it was only for another couple of years til a piece of work he was doing was finished, now he'd backingout of that.
He told me I was in the wrong, that I needed to stop 'obsessing about just one issue' and basically acted aloof, argoant and distainful even when i was shaking and crying.
sorry, I've written too much and it probably doesn't even make sense. The kids are fine but say dad was grumpy and they don't want me to go away again. I ight have to resign from my job because it's a necessary part of my job to occasionally go away. Or leave. I should just leave. Why can't I be braver and just flippin go, or is he actually right and I'm an obsessive, weak woman who just can't get over things and move on?