The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Head To The Summer Of Sobriety

[Mouseface]

Hello

I'm Mouse

Welcome aboard The Brave Babe's Battle Bus. There are a whole host of lovely posters here who will support your journey to sobriety, however you choose to get there.

We are a Bus full of drinkers, non-drinkers and those who are somewhere in between.

BUT - we will never judge or leave a poster out in the cold. So, find a seat and settle down for the journey ahead.

And HERE is the last thread and those before it too. Just follow the links to read the journeys so far.

Zany - I knew you were taking it slowly when I said that the last time sweets, I just think and have now seen, that he doesn't want to go slow.

I also think that he is making you feel guilty, emotional blackmail?

You are absolutely doing the right thing as others have said. Keep going, stand your ground. xx

What a bloody weekend you've had! You need to tell your XH that if he does that again, you will get an injunction on him or talk to a solicitor Have a look HERE

Did you DC say anything to you? Poor things. He was bang out of order doing that but I have a feeling that wanted to cause a scene so that you would let him in. Arse.

So sorry that you are having to deal with all this shit sweets xx

So sorry to see that so many Brave Babes have had such an awful time over the weekend......

What is it about weekends eh?

Ahhh lost my post

DC's were upset and although my DD doesn't say much it tends to come out in her behaviour and she was quite naughty afterwards. HAve to say I'm not completely innocent as I shouldn't have asked him why he refused to put his hand in his pocket for a drink. Still didn't quite expect that reaction back. Luckily I am close to my DS who is 10 so we had a chat afterwards

How is Nemo and you DD

Nemo is fast asleep next to me. I've managed to rip part of my thumb nail off and whack my shin on the bed frame so far today. OUCH!!

DD is grand, taller than me and very lovely. Her hormentals as all over the place but she's counting down to the summer holidays, as am I as we're going away!

All of us, as a family, for the first time ever!

Glad DS is okay xx

(just posting and leaving this link to AVRT, which has helped lots of people; the 'voice' is a pretty well known phenomenon. I have lost 3 stone and when I refuse cake/biscuits I find myself under some pressure to explain why. Not sure if that is the same. Good luck to you all; lovely to see the way you support each other, esp Mouse)

rational.org/index.php?id=1

just a quick BOING!! in and out!

algee - unconditional support from this babe my love!! your poor old thing!!

thanks for the link TT! very interesting!!

mouse - quick 'mwah' to you!

take care lovely babes!!

struggling today- been to shop and almost bought a drink . Now tempted to go and get one. my voice is saying- just a little one! a glass when the kids Are in bed. (been in all day with dd2 chicken pox!).

Monday's are rubbish but clearly not as rubbish as the weekend. Rusmum, will you feel better if you drink? What will change if you have a drink? If DD2 is unwell it's probably best to steer clear. Why don't you treat yourself to a trashy magazine and some cake/chocolate/anything you fancy but booze.

Rus - hmmmmm, that naughty little voice eh? Agree with star, Mondays are rubbish for making you want to drink.

But so are Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays.........

There is no day in the week where it's easier not to drink.

So, you say to yourself "I won't drink tonight, it's Monday and I'll be good."

Then tomorrow comes and you think, well, I was good last night so I'll drink tonight.

Thing is...... if you want to have a glass of wine, have one. Or two, but can you STOP? Do you want to STOP?

It's dead easy for me to sit here and type this out to you.... I'm not you, I'm not inside your head....

You are an adult and if you want a drink then have one. Just the one.

Or, tell that booze demon to fuck right off, get your PJs on, find some chocolate, ice-cream, pickles... what ever you love to eat and get into bed. Or on the sofa if the DC are up (assmuning you have them) or go for a bath.

Have a couple of pints of water, it helps.

Why is tonight so hard for you sweets?

Right, I'm full of food and lemonade

Night night all. I hope that the demon drink buggers the buggeration off tonight.

Be back tomorrow xx

ru do you think it was having one at the weekend that got you thinking about it again today?

You did so well to stop at one. You've tried it, you know you can do it, so why push yourself today. You had habits that you wanted to stop. I know you did because I've read your posts. One drink at the weekend doesn't change that. But another one today, and maybe the next day, might.

Hope your dd feels better soon.

thanks- resisted ! yay. dont know maybe it was?think without you girls i would have had some so thanks all xxxxx

Good for you rusmum. When I first stopped drinking and 'that feeling' would come upon me like a tidal wave (or sometimes like a persistant trickle) I thought that the only way to be free of it was to give in to it. It was one of the most liberating things for me to discover that if I could get through that minute, the next 5 minutes, put off having a drink for 30 minutes, maybe even an hour, and then another, then surprise! The strength of the voice had diminished, sometimes to less than a whisper . Sometimes it would come back the next night, sometimes not for days, but knowing that I didn't HAVE to give in to it was really powerful.

thanks for the advice! i am so happy that i found this place xxxxx

Good advice Venus. Thank you.

Good morning lovely ones,

Slightly back to normal this week, so I thought I would take the chance while I'm down here on my own, and write properly (I wish icon!!).

Algee and Qo Zany I'm sorry that you had bad weekends. It seems it was epidemic!

I had a pretty emotional week last week (I won't go into details in case I then delete the post!) nothing bad happened, just lots of milestones passed for the Dc's (in a good way, though), I finished my first year of college, and all changing work wise for next year. I was ok, Friday was the worst, one big tearfest for me!, but in the evening we had a big "do" and I drove to and from that. I did feel like I had dealt with all my emotions and worries inside. Dh has never been a big one for being tactile with the boys, but it near killed me to see how awkward he was about telling Dc1 "well done". I think I found that the most upsetting thing of all.

Anyway, Sunday night Dc1 gone off, Dc2 at a party, and I drank a bottle of wine, and two gin and tonics between 8 o'clock and 12.30, and woke up at 2am feeling like the main character in a book called Fear and Loathing on the South Coast!! Ah me, one still is too many and six isn't enough :(

I didn't know whether to come on and write this, but it's the only place where people will really understand, and also, if I'm honest, I'm worried that I'm going to get worse again. I have 9 weeks of hols coming up, and Dc's away....I know it shouldn't mean anything different, but I know what I'm like [wobbly smile icon].

Thanks for listening Babes xxxxxxx

Hi thurso - your phrase sums it up perfectly "one is still too many and six is not enough" . I'm glad you did come and post, I'd noticed that you weren't really around, so I think we get a 'sense' on here that something's not right.

I understand your concerns about the next weeks of summer, but I also think you're projecting a bit. If I was being really harsh I might even wonder if a small element of that was about giving yourself permission to have a few drinks / bad days / weekends? Something along the lines of "Oh I knew this would happen...."

Even though I posted yesterday about how the strength of the 'little voice' diminishes with time, I am also surprised just how quickly I sometimes feel I would jump right back in with both feet. I sometimes wonder if it's going to be a struggle like this for ever, and if so, then what's the point. Then I catch myself, know that I'm projecting, and get back onto the one-day-at-a-time track.

So that's what I thought when I read your post, thurso, don't worry about the next 9 weeks (and don't give in to it before you even start), just take each day as it comes. Is there anything wonderful that you can do for yourself over those few weeks. I know that you've just finished your first year of college, and there will be a huge element of relief associated with that, but it can also bring a lack of purpose and some boredom. Are there any wonderful projects that you can do over the summer months that would occupy your hands and even your head (in a gentle way) - create a herb garden, create memory books for your ds's, take up wookwork and make a bird table....

Anyway, have to go, I'm going to be late. Speak to you all later x

thurso

Firstly massive hugs to you, I too had noticed your absense and was missing you if I'm honest.

You are clearly having to deal with a whole heap of emotional stuff alone......DH seems to be very old fashioned in that department, stiff upper lip and all that? My FIL is very much like that, help a high level managerial role, main bread winner, worked all the hours Jeff sent etc.

And you are the one left holding the family together, you are the glue, the emotional glue. It's hard when you're not needed quite so much. Empty Nest Syndrome.

thurso you are a wonderful lady, a very dear friend to me and a great supportive voice on this thread. Yes, you drank over the weekend, and you know that you can't just have the one. You understand your drinking issues, you know that you have an abusive relationship with that Demon Booze.

But, you used it as a crutch, you used it to blot out a hell of a weekend. So, can you find something else?

You say that everything is changing, that you will have time on your hands and that worries you....... so why not take up a hobby? Painting? Walking? Cycling? Visiting Brave Babes over the summer?

You'd be welcome here! Maybe you should do a tour of the UK over those weeks? I'm sure DH is more than capable of fending for himself for a while!

You need a break. You need a release that doesn't involve staring into a bottle alone.

I'm so sorry to read your post. It made me sad but do you know what? I'm so pleased that you DID post it

Lots of love to you Brave thurso xx

Hi Thurso a word of support from me too. We seem to have similar lives, although I may be one or two years ahead of you. I found when I finished my mature student degree that I went into a real decline, I think I had been working so hard, balancing work, study, DC and household, that as soon as the study came to a stop the whole house of cards tumbled and I became very listless and depressed - not trying to frighten you, rather offer you empathy - your feelings are completely understandable.

This time in our lives is as big a change as our first steps of independance as a youngster, but with the added pressures of DC also stepping out, well worn relationships and the pressure of proving ourselves at work once again.

Be kind to yourself, I found that excercise, particarly walking and swimming really helped, I did have a course of ADs as well (of course giving up the booze at that time would have been better!).
I like the idea of a Brave Babes tour - I am always up for a meet and country walk, actually I am thinking of joining the youth hostels this year for some cheap weekend trips
This your time to change your focus and look out for number one, you don't have to be selfish, just more thoughtful about what YOU want.
XX
I am in the Thames Valley BTW

oh oh!!! a babes tour!! sounds fantastic!!

seriously thurso, you can do this you know!, you are a bright lovely articulate lady with some backbone! i second the others, you need to find something you enjoy, something that will absorb you enough to keep your intelligent mind occupied! i know it sounds daft but im already thinking of things that i can make for christmas presents, i like to sit and scour magazines for inspiration, then look for nice fabrics etc - i know it sounds kind of boring but it works for me!

Hi Thurso, thanks for sharing about your weekend. On this thread, we are here only "for the grace of God". Any one of us could slip up at some point and I think it's brilliant that you have come back and told us about your experience. It's not the end of the world. You drank but you are also aware of why you did so. None of the emotional reasons behind your drinking will be remedied by drinking: you know that. Trying to address them has to be done with a sober mind and you can do it. As Venus says, sometimes it's just one second at a time. Take it easy and be kind to yourself.

Rus, so pleased you decided not to drink. I'm sure you feel better for it today.

WOW, you lovely, lovely people,

I have just come back from a long walk, feeling good, actually, that I had "fessed up", and talked to those who understand.

Venus giving myself "permission" was exactly what I did do on Sunday, but I feel so much better about not doing it again last night. I want to feel like this every morning again, not the horrible scared person I was at 2am on Monday. I'm hoping I'm not being too personal, but I take great inspiration from meeting you in person, and thinking that you are a lot like me (but younger ), but further on down the right road.

Mousie Yes, Dh is very stiff (now,now Ma ), we have been married over 20 years and he still doesn't understand where I'm coming from half the time. Last night I got very tearful about DC1 leaving home, and he just came over and held me....it meant so much. I told him that, and he said that he just doesn't think of it. I did tell him last week, how upset I was that he just shook DC1 by the hand, when he got his results, and he said that he just doesn't know how to, or feel comfortable with, being bodily affectionate with the boys. Boarding school at 12 has got a lot to answer for!! (not that everyone who went to boarding school is emotionally retentive, I qualify!).

BBwanna Thank you so much for telling me your experience. It didn't scare me, just made me feel so much better, that perhaps I'm not nutso! I have the second year of my course starting in September, and I have decided to do some research during the hols, that will help me when it starts.
You are so right, in that I feel like I'm facing a completely new road, for the first time in over 20 years........and I want to make it the right one.

Thank you so much, my friends, I feel so lucky to have found you xxx

By the way, Ma, Indie how are things?

x posted...Hello JWN and starmucks

And thurso - I'm North Shropshire, nearer to North Wales.

Hi all, firstly thanks everyone for your kind words and support, MIF - I was NOT looking for a cunning plan B thank you!!
I have more self awareness now than I ever have, and am not deluding myself - I know it was the drink that caused it but the anxiety was so bad I thought someone might know of a technique or method of riding it out, because it was not nice at all. I really don't know how you thought that post would help, but thanks??

anywayssss.... I'm back from the most amazing weekend of my life, I wont go on about it because I can see me becoming a bit of a bore with it, I had such a great time I just want to tell everyone about it over and over and over and over.... and I did it all totally sober.

Algee, sorry to hear bout your "moment" I had 2 bad moments before "the one" when I realised that I was losing or in danger of losing everything and everyone I care about.
I never ever want to re-visit that place, so in that respect it was sort of a good thing(weirdly) and yes, I have had one blow out - not quite bad enough to produce a moment, but still not good - which has also strengthened my resolve. I'm rooting for you in this corner!!!

Hope everyone else is doing ok and you're all well and happy - sorry I haven't read back properly and sorry if I've over-looked anyone else having difficulties xx