The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Head To The Summer Of Sobriety

[Mouseface]

Hello

I'm Mouse

Welcome aboard The Brave Babe's Battle Bus. There are a whole host of lovely posters here who will support your journey to sobriety, however you choose to get there.

We are a Bus full of drinkers, non-drinkers and those who are somewhere in between.

BUT - we will never judge or leave a poster out in the cold. So, find a seat and settle down for the journey ahead.

And HERE is the last thread and those before it too. Just follow the links to read the journeys so far.

Actually I think I have been equally out of control in the past, but this was 'the one'...

Oh Algee, wishing you tons of strength and, of course, there is always hope. Coming here again is a great place to start and I'm sure all the lovely ladies will be along with masses of support and advice for you.

JWN I didn't go last night. Stayed home & stayed sober. Didn't really fee quite ready to face the first public outing iyswim. So that's a whole week done for me and as a bonus I lost 4lb so quite pleased with that too.

Algee strength and wishes from me. If it is any help, my 'the one' moment also came after several other 'moments' over a two year period but the last time was a searing realisation that I had it all to lose - no one but me was going to tackle it. I do remember the look of utter despair, fury and fear in my DH's face and it is a picture I hope never to see in real life again.

It's just one day at a time, and I have to say my life is much easier and calmer now and although I sometimes feel that perhaps I could have 'just one glass' (who am I kidding) I am very happy to have a non alcoholic drink and the urge passes quickly.

thank you chaps. ...I really did think I'd had 'the moment' but I really know that Friday was it. How utterly revolting. DH is truly the most amazing person on the planet, I am truly hubled by his patience and love. How could I jeopordise that? 'Cos I'm a knobbing alcoholic!!! Enough.

Yesterday was dry, but I could hardly move my head so it wasn't so difficult. Today more tricky but sipping a nice n&t with ice and a slice, and possibly most importantly sharing with dh how tough I'm finding it. Actually I think that although he was making all the right noises last year he didn't really believe me when i 'fessed up. Clearly he realises now thatI'm bnot 'normal'!!!

Love to you all. Sorry to be a flakey 'when I need you' poster...as I say like a broken record, can't keep up with you all!

HUMBLED...hubled indeed!!!!

Hi All,

Algee, I took me 20 years of binge drinking, self loathing and harming to get to the point where I could do it no longer. The consequences were too much to bear. What also changed was the feeling of I can't live a life without the prospects of a single glass of wine now and again, to acknowledging the truth that I never drank a single glass; I only drank in volume. For me that was really liberating. I am now free from the stigma of being the person who doesn't know when to stop. I just don't start. And not starting gets easier.

hi algee and for your experience on Friday. But (that was a weak and hopeful smile) for your new resolve. You CAN do it. Take each day as it comes, and we're still around whenever you want to post.

Well I had an 'interesting' evening. We had a couple of friends round for dinner - one of them was staying over. The bloke who was staying over was drinking more heavily than usual - he was always finished his glass before the others were, his was topped up more frequently, he moved from wine on to beer and had quite a few of those. Eventually as the evening wore on my dp went off to bed. Our visitor stayed up, had another beer, then spilled ALL about the state of his relationship with his wife, how they were on the verge of splitting up, his feelings for someone else, his dilemma about what to do. It was all a bit . He held my hand, sobbed on my shoulder, then declared his love for me .

This morning, dp and visitor both had sore heads, they were shading their eyes against the bright sinshine while I administered paracetamol, coffee and bacon sandwichwes. Visitor looked rather sheepish (not surprising). And I thought, hmmm, that could have been me behaving like that. I'm sure he regrets his final declaration, but I wonder whether he was drinking so much because he needed to be drunk to talk about his feelings and his marriage.

venus !!!!
Thank you.

thank you starmucks; what I find so frustrating is that I thought I'd faced it a year ago one glass is an insult, and unsociable and all of that stuff...but hey ho. Clearly I thought that in spite of my 'confession' I wasn't realy 'one of those' just somebody who had fallen into bad habits. Well big dogs nuts to that!

Don't stress about itAlgee. In my heart I knew from the start that I was a problem drinker, even as a teen. I never knew when to stop, and thought it was a lack of discipline on my part. Once I realised that will power had nothing to do with it, it made it easier for me. I think if you decide that you are 'one of those', you'll discover we're a great bunch of people!

I hope to be back on later,
Venus I loved your typho "sinshine"! just what it feels like with a hangover!!! xx

"Typho"!! those who throw stones.....

ooooh venus a secret admirerer now outed! What the hell did you serve for dinner?
have had a lovely weekend, doing pretty much nothing but sitting in the sun. so nice to finally have some sunshine up here!
DH has been working all weekend so have had peace and quiet, and only a couple of beers so am quite chuffed.

Evening all.

Am getting my comeuppance for the lovely (smug) serenity of the last few weeks. Back on the ropes again for no obvious reason. Feck.

Just checking in. Good weekend- saturday evening was soo nice i fancied a drink, so i had 1 . And just the 1 small bottle of lager. I enjoyed it and really didnt want another. mixed feelingd. Happy I had 1 and didnt want more but disappointed really as i said i wasnt having ANY!

I failed again. DP has gone to work disgusted and fed up with me. Day one. Big sigh.

Oh, luci, I'm sorry to hear it. And everyone's hard weekends.

I had awful drinking dreams over the weekend - the sort where in the dream I accepted a drink, then thought now I'd better watch it, cos I know I have a problem, and then accepted one more and one more and was thinking oh well it's just this once how much harm could it do (was still pregnant in the dream) and even in the dream I was watching myself with dismay, and yuck, it was awful.

In real life, I asked DH to pour me a half glass of wine on Friday evening (probably actually about 2/3rds of a unit, realistically), which I topped up with sparkling water, and then drank about half of before going off the idea, putting it down and wandering away. But I know that my current drinking pattern/lack of desire is just a temporary thing, I'd be a fool to decide that I am Cured.

Morning

Well I have had a crap weekend. DP on my case phoning, texting & emailing to say he will back of and see how things go to then be full on a short time later. Sick of all the drama. I have to say Mouse that I have been keeping things slow from my end right from the beginning and have not seen him in the week as much as he wanted, I didn't jump right in and be full on as it is important to me to have time to myself with the DC's etc. Unfortunately no matter how many times I said that to him it just made him more needy/wanting assurance.

Then my XH kicked off and came into my house and stuck his foot int he door and refused to leave (all in front of the DC's) I am so mad that he can make me feel scared in my own home and in front of the kids. Then he has a go at me for turning them against him when in reality I have been doing the opposite as they aren't that happy visiting him these days. Bloody men!!

The worse thing is my DS put the TV on so we could sit and have a cuddle the 3 of us (4 inc dog) and watch a film and the TV blew up. Ahhhhhhh. Could have been worse as I could have been watching desperate housewives

Sorry to hear about peoples hard weekends. Luci you may be on day one but you also have alot of days without alcohol behind you. Rusdon't beat yourself up as you still didn't have much atall.

Morning all.

Have just read the thread from the weekend and am sorry to hear that so many of you lovely babes have had a tough one.

Zany You are doing absolutely the right thing regards your dc's and your xh. My father left when i was young and was an on/off presence during my childhood letting both me and my brother down on many occasions. My mum never bad mouthed him in front of us, truly believing that we would come to our own conclusions about what an arsehole he was. We did! Your children will do the same, if they haven't already.

I'm on day 2 again. Struggling, struggling, struggling. It's so hard, sometimes too hard. Still, onwards and upwards :)

Cheers Alittle. I thought that things would calm down now that I have bought him out of the family home. Tbh I have proosibly said a couple of things about him that I shouldn't have but the majority of the time I am trying to smooth things over for him/them and constantly defend him to them. IT all started because he refused to buy our DD a drink at the school fair at the weekend because the DC's were on 'my time'. I had run out of money paying for ice creams, bouncy catsles etc. Still fuming and just feel emotionally drained. I know I need to just put it behind me and move on.

Do you have some nice non alcoholic drinks in Alittle for when you struggle. I find that a non alcoholic beer helps

Zany Like I said -arsehole! Don't beat yourself up. You are doing a great job in a very difficult situation :)

I do have some yummy soft drinks but they just don't satisfy the nasty little voice that I'm having trouble controlling. In many repects it's like my 3 year old - the more I try and ignore it the louder it gets!

Know what you mean about the little voice. I find that if I can distract myself then once it gets to a certain point at night around 8pm then its easier to ignore. Not easy though. I have just opened the windows at work (we usually have the air con on ) and now I can smell the food being cooked at the bar/restaurant near me, my mouth is watering but I don't think the pineapple I have with me will satisfy it

Afternoon, still lurking and reading, have been doing ok on the drinking front, 2 glasses of wine on Saturday night, not bad considering 2 glasses would normally have turned into 2 bottles .

"Does anyone know of any techniques to help with anxiety? Coz it's proper horrible"

Yes. Stop drinking.

It is the drinking that has caused this anxiety. Don't drink and you won't feel anxious.

But I suspect you already know that and are hoping there is a cunning plan B.

My voice tends to get a bit quieter about 8.30pm but is at it's loudest from 4-7.30pm, which is when dc's go to bed. Sometimes I make the decision to drink in the evening really early on in the day. That way i don't spend all day worrying about it as the deed is essentially done. What i don't get is why, when I make the decision not to drink in the morning, I spend all day going round and round in my head about it.

I know what I need to do is not drink and that the voice will eventually fade but that day seems a million miles away right now :(