The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Head To The Summer Of Sobriety

[Mouseface]

Hello

I'm Mouse

Welcome aboard The Brave Babe's Battle Bus. There are a whole host of lovely posters here who will support your journey to sobriety, however you choose to get there.

We are a Bus full of drinkers, non-drinkers and those who are somewhere in between.

BUT - we will never judge or leave a poster out in the cold. So, find a seat and settle down for the journey ahead.

And HERE is the last thread and those before it too. Just follow the links to read the journeys so far.

I'm in the midlands.

Well I'm having a very strange day. Went to the docs this morning about a lump in the back of my mouth and thought he would say its nothing but he has referred me to the hospital. Made a bit of an idiot of myself as I got upset. Convinced myself its serious.

Also DP turned up last night to finish things between us as he says he doesn't think I love him but still in love with my XP! He was supposed to be backing off, not being so intense so that we could just enjoy being with each other with all the 'big talks'. This morning he wants another chance.

Anyway - pleased they are using the same lady for respite Mouse - much easier for you and Nemo

HI Silver, Jesus, Ma and Venus

Zany, don't worry. I am an ex oncology nurse. The GP is just covering himself by referring you to the hospital. The vast majority of lumps in the under 50's are completely benign. What are you going to do about (ex or is he?) DP?

aaaww zany!! try not to worry love! - my dd had a scare a few months back with a lump in her breast, she worried herself absolutly sick about it, it took about 15 minutes in the breast clinic to get the all clear! i bet the same thing happens to you!

yeah! wot luci said! why is he being so heavy? you only just started seeing each other! surely he dosent expect declarations of undying love already!

Thank you Luci and Jesus - have to admit I am a worrier by nature so have got in a bit of a tiz. Both my Dad and son had a scare recently which turned out OK and was kind of breathing a sigh of relief that the family is OK healthwise until now.

Things did become quite serious with DP fairly quickly but I have said several times that we need to enjoy having fun/getting to know each other without too many intense, serious talks. I said I would meet in about half an hour but to be honest he does have a bit of a point in that I'm not as keen as he is and he won't give me time/chance to see if that will change and I'll feel more serious over a few months. And I do have feelings for my XP but it was over ages ago and I am not getting back with him. I think it is hard to be/live with someone for quite a while and then cut off all feeling once you split.

Think I get worried as I always feel as if my luck will run out with regards to my family. I am very close to my parents and brothers and sisters and adore my extended family. My parents have had illness's and serious operations and always come though and my DC's are healthy and happy. Keep thinking that luck will run out one day, especially as several close friends have lost a parent recently and have seen how devastating it can be.

Anyway on a more cheery note the sun looks like its staying for the weekend so I'm planning on painting my garden fence/shed (and still washing the Glastonbury mud off the tent)

glad to hear indie is ok.
Thurso dear thing, what's up? Pm me if you need to talk. is it DH stuff? I got a shit load of it yesterday when I got in from my meet up with "venus", but I managed to completely detach from the fuckwittery and actually had a good and sober night's sleep!

Zany - Another one here for not worrying about lumps, I had the all clear on two lumps in a very 'delicate' area so know how you feel when the GP refers you like that.

I'm sure as Luci says, it's more of a 'just in case' than an 'oh dear' kind of thing.

Re your DP, I'm not telling you I told you so wrt things moving quickly but the did and you are right to slow things down. Can I also say that maybe he has some past insecurities and is projecting them onto this relationship?

Take care of yourself please xx

I'm sat here craving a very large G&T so I went for something called a, well, G&T, except it's fresh pink grapefruit juice and tonic, served in an tall glass over ice, with a fresh strawberry added.

Fab!!

Pizza for dinner and then hopefully an early night. I'm exhausted and have a feelling that my new/upped meds are making me more sleepy.

What are we all up to this weekend? It's DIY central here but I may have to kill DH if he keeps up the bloody grumpy 'my DIY is all going wrong' mood!

DD had sports day and got Bronze in the high jump so she's shattered too.

What a day!

OK, OK since I've been outed by ma I'll admit to my real persona, and change my name to a more appropriate one

zany did you know that when you worry, you feel the emotional and phylical effects of a bad event that probably won't even happen - now that can't be worth it. I know it is difficult, but genetics usually have a stonger impact on your health probablilities than 'the balance of luck' - if your family have come through things it probably bodes well for you too.

Also very glad to hear wasindieis OK, just let her know that I'm thinking of her.

thurso - you know you can always call if you need someone to listen.

I've got a lovely weekend - wedding tomorrow, and then a lovely foodie festival on Sunday

Well my name-change seemed to scare everyone away, so I'm back to normal this morning .

Have a lovely Saturday everyone x

venus - I thought your namechange was a troll taking the piss (pardon the pun) out of your name

Mwah to you lovely lady, you have made my morning xx

I did bad last night :( I got drunk. not just tipsy, drunk.

I woke up fully clothed on the sofa, one of the kids must have covered me over.

I'm not that badly hungover as I didnt actually drink that much (I didnt need to with being abstinent for so long) but my anxiety is through the roof - let myself down, let dd down on her first night back from holiday, cant remember if I done anything embarrassing. keep getting horrible lurches of anxiety in my stomach.

Does anyone know of any techniques to help with anxiety? Coz it's proper horrible :(

Hello again my lovelies. Day 7 now and some advice needed if anyone's around. Have been unexpectedly invited to a party tonight. Would love to go and see some friends I haven't seen for ages, but would be easy to avoid if I didn't want to go.

Options - go and try the new 'drinking in moderation' policy , - go but offer to drive and try to avoid having one when I get home, - don't go, it's too soon.

If I go it will be the first time around temptation, but then I have to face it sometime don't I. Just a bit apprehensive. Eeek.

qo - breathe. Sit down and take some deep breaths.

Why do you feel anxious? Is it a rational thought or feeling? In other words, can you talk yourself out of it.

Have you spoken to DD yet?

Calm down. Just sit for a few moments and think about something gentle and calm, like the rolling, clear blue sea, slowly covering the shore, the warm sun on your face.

You need to eat something and keep your fluid intake up today.

xx

Fair - for me it would be a no go if I felt it was a bit too soon. You have done 7 days sober, why risk it tonight if you don't 'trust yourself' not to drink there or when you get home?

The moderation thing won't work yet, not if you've been booze free for 7 days. It took me months rather than days to understand my drinking and then work out the patterns, triggers etc.

I now drink moderately, as in 2/3 glasses when I do drink, which isn't that often, but it took a long time for me to get here.

You are the only one to decide whether or not to go but reading your posts tells me you'd quite like to use tonight to have a drink and test yourself.

Apologies if I'm wrong on that one

No Mouse you're not wrong, that's what's worrying me too. Thanks for your thoughts, I'll mull it over for a bit.

thanks mouse, yeah I've spoken to her - all she said was that she covered me over, locked the door and got her pyjamas on and went to bed - I just told her she was a good girl. Can't face the thought of more apologies and broken promises :(

I dont even know why I did it, it was hot and everyone else was doing it - I've been in social situations a plenty since packing i in and its never bothered me, so why yesterday was different is beyond me.

I feel a little less anxious now dd's up and I've spoken to her - nobody has texted me saying what a state I was or asking if I'm hungover, so hopefully I wasn't too bad and just came home and went to sleep (I do have a vague memory of asking for a pint of water and walking home)

qo - I have a feeling that you are over thinking what happened because you are embarrassed. You have no reason to be if everyone around you was drinking too.

You weren't on your own, getting shit faced in the company of others or at home alone as it had been previously.

It was a social ocassion and you chose to drink, maybe you chose to test the water?

Don't spend the day worrying about it. I think I've asked you before but how old is DD?

The fact that you stopped and asked for water before heading home tells me that you did actually have some element of control over last night. In your mind, you knew the drill.

Look, beating yourself up will not erase last night so, draw a line under it, learn from it, remember this feeling if you feel like doing it again and move on.

You are an amazing lady and you have your lovely DD. Enjoy your life, no more regrets okay?

she's 10 mouse, I'm never doing it again ever - I don't like it at the time, I don't like waking up feeling like this, I don't like neglecting & endangering dd by not being conciously present. It was a huge mistake, not to be repeated.

My sister's just been and she said she felt uncomfortable with it, and that she hasnt seen me like that in a long time so maybe I was a bit more drunk than I actually thought. I still have to face another friend yet, once thats out of the way I promise, I'll put it behind me.

Anyway you're right it's taught me a lesson, so in some ways thats a good thing I guess?

oops hit post by mistake, was going to say thanks for your kind words :)

Dear ones,

Really quickly
I am fine, I've had a very busy and roller coaster emotional week with one thing and another.

I wrote a long, chatty and very emotional post on Friday morning, and then asked for it to be deleted, because I thought I had infringed my Dc's privacy a bit (proud mum and very emotional one syndrome ).

I had also written something to Mouse that I thought twice about. But, I have pm'd her since then Hello Mousie, be in touch when I've got longer . Anyone who saw my post probably wonders what my worry was about,!!!

Speak soon lovelies
xxxxxxxx

qo - you had what I call a blow out. A once in a while bender if you like.

It's done and dusted, you're sister has at least been honest with you. And that is better than her lying to spare your blushes IMO.

Your DD is wonderful. She loves you unconditionally, but sometimes, when things like that happen , she may not like you so much which I think you know and that's what has upset you? Sorry if I'm speaking out of turn, it's just that my DD (12) has done the same for me and it killed me.

The thought of her looking after me was so wrong.

But it happened, she's safe, well and loved to bits.

Move on lovely xx

thurso - I'm so sorry you are having a tough week.

You know where I am and always will be xx

I've seen a few people this afternoon, all mentioned how drunk I was last night even someone who wasn't there!! so now I'm back to "everyone's talking about me!!" I know it will blow over though and I'm definitely not doing it again, lesson well & truly learned.

Plus I have spent all day in bed but am still shattered. I was supposed to be packing as we're setting off at 5 in the morning for milton keynes, so have to do it all now - again lesson well & truly learned, it's soooo not worth it!

Tomorrow is a whole new day qo.

Move on xx

Right, date night beckons........

Be back tomorrow or Monday.

Be Brave Babes xx

morning!!

where is everyone? - i hope you are all busy as its a lovely sunny sunday!

farie - how did you get on last night? - i had to do a really boozy business meeting in my first week, it was bloody terrifying at the time, i held on to my glass of tonic till i got frostbite on my fingers, it felt like a white knuckle ride!, i promise that that feeling fades over time!

qo - hang on in there, mouse is right, it will blow over and you can move on!

as to you 'penis'! that wasnt very ladylike was it?!

Hello.
Well, thanks to JWN and others, this time last year I felt that I was on the way to getting this problem licked. Ha. I've been drinking more and more again recently(though less hiding it which I took as a good sign...) until Friday when I drank so much whiskey I have no right to be alive never mind anything else. Were I not married to the most amazing man, I would have blown 20 years of marriage in a few short hours. I have NEVER been so out of control, the little I can remember was hateful (and not one of you would know I had it in me if you met me, believe me...I'm so 'nice', fab supportive friend, gentle crap crap crap...). Unfortunately (?) ican't remember most but I remember enough to know that I was disgusting.
Nasty nasty. So. Feel like with all of the years of abuse and vileness and stupidity and so on, Friday was my last chance. I will turn it around, I hope that you'll all wish me strength and hope as I wish it all for you.
A