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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting relationship advice. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide.

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting relationship advice. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide.

Relationships

He's Locked Me Out

186 replies

FromDespairToWhere · 25/02/2011 10:58

I posted a few days ago about wanting to leave H. Last night I went out with my best friend for a meal and a few drinks. H texted while out telling me not to bother coming home. Many more texts and phone calls followed and I told him I would stay at my mum's as it was late and I didn't want to get the DCs involved in a big row.

This morning he rang to say that he was not going to let me back in the house and if I tried he would physically remove me, chuck all my things out or call the police. He is refusing to let me near DS2 and has said he will go for full custody of him. He has allowed me to speak to DS1 but had already told him that I didn't care about him and DS1 seemed very confused and scared.

I've got an appt to see a family lawyer this afternoon but would appreciate some advice or hand holding.

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fuzzywuzzy · 25/02/2011 11:00

is your name on the tenancy/mortgage agreement of the property, he cannot legally lock you out.

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emmyloopsyloo · 25/02/2011 11:04

I'd call the police anyway, he's an abuser am I right? My ex pulled this stunt, they took the kids from the house, I never looked back.

They won't leave the kids with an abuser.

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Theyremybiscuits · 25/02/2011 11:05

He can't lock you out if your home is joint owned.

If it is, get in touch with the non-emergency police and ask them to come with you when you go back in.

You can break in as long as you repair the damage.

Hope you are alright x

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BertieBotts · 25/02/2011 11:10

This exact thing happened to my friend. She went out after a row to a friend's house, while she was out her P locked the door. Her DS was in the house, asleep. In the morning (hoping he would calm down, but he still hadn't let her in) she called the police. They said as it was his house too, they couldn't break in, but as it was also her house, they couldn't stop her from breaking in. She said she didn't want to do that and they asked if she was frightened of her P's reaction. She said yes. They said "Well if you want us to, we'll hang around just in case."

They will support you but you have to ask for it. But don't assume they will take his side - you've done nothing wrong at all.

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Mouseface · 25/02/2011 11:18

Jesus, are you okay? Are you at your mum's still?

What a twat. As others have said, legally, if the mortgage/rent agreement is in joint names, he can't lock you out.

Getting hold of the local non emergency police is a good idea.

And maybe calling Wmoen's Aid for advice now?

You must be so scared. I was.

Keep any texts that he sends you and make sure you keep sent items too, plus don't erase your call log.

So sorry you are going through this.

Try to stay calm and eat something. You need to firing on all cylinders for this. xx

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Mouseface · 25/02/2011 11:19

'Women's'

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FromDespairToWhere · 25/02/2011 11:20

Thanks for the support and replies. I've spoken to the police and they've said it's a civil matter as he's not been violent and advised me to speak to a solicitor asap.

It is a joint mortgage so I know I'll be allowed back in at some point. I'm hoping that the solicitor will be able to give me advise on how to get him out. The police have said that they can enforce any legal order for H to be removed from the house so hopefully this is something that can be done.

OP posts:

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emmyloopsyloo · 25/02/2011 11:24

You know him threatening to remove you from the house, is a threat of assault so keep anything like that.

The police should be and can do more, dv, does not have to be violence, you should refer them to this ruling. I was in this position and the police went in and got my dcs.

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wannaBe · 25/02/2011 11:33

ring a locksmith and get them to go to the house to unlock the door.

Ring the police and tell them what you are doing and why. And tell them that there are young children in the house.

As this is the marital home he cannot legally lock you out.

Then go and see your solicitor wrt an emergency order to get the children out.

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Mouseface · 25/02/2011 11:42

Spot on wannaBe

There is an order that your solicitor can get for you, hang on..... will go look.

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Mouseface · 25/02/2011 11:53

Can't find what it's called. Bugger. But whatever you do, don't break in, that's seen as destroying the property.

You have a right to access the property, he can't legally stop you. Nor can he legally change the locks.

The property is 50% yours, regardless of who pays the mortgage/bills etc.

Is it worth posting over in legal?

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LittleMissHissyFit · 25/02/2011 12:07

I think legally if you are married, even if house is not in your name he can't lock you out... not 100% sure on that, but seem to recall it somewhere...

Go see the solicitor asap, get a lock smith, call the police and say you need them to attend as you fear a breach of the peace and get in.

I'd be minded to look at having the bugger sectioned, cos clearly he's flipped

Actually, what WannaBe said.

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Themumsnot · 25/02/2011 12:14

I totally agree with what Wannabe said. Am I correct in believing that your DS1 is not his child? Did you tell the police that? Surely, he has no right to keep him from you?

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Anushka11 · 25/02/2011 12:15

I think there are 2 things you could look into, if abuse I think would be emergency protection order, otherwise emergency residence order. I think- not a lawyer. Are you the main care giver usually?
Do this quickly- once they have established a routine, the courts will be loath to disrupt it, he will have become main care giver.

Good luck, and look after yourself, you will need all your wits and energy about you.

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SpringchickenGoldBrass · 25/02/2011 12:25

I have read your previous threads too. DOn't waste another second feeling sorry for this fuckup or considering his wellbeing - he has really shown his true colours now. It's ALL HIS FAULT that he can't overcome his pathetic jealousy - he doesn;t 'love' you, he's just inadequate and wants to own you. I knew this piece of shit would escalate, so sorry it's happened. Get the orders in place ASAP get him out of the house and barred from returning and rally all your RL support. Best of luck to you, MN is here for you to vent on whenever you need to.

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Anushka11 · 25/02/2011 12:47

have now read your previous threads, and noticed DS1 is not his child (or so I assume?). If that is the case, this IS actually a criminal matter- if he does not have parental responsibility for or has adopted your DS1, this is abduction, or even holding hostage. I would definitely get the police involved in that case.

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perfumedlife · 25/02/2011 13:09

Break in, call the police and explain that you are terrified of him, and he held your eldest child hostage.
In Scotland they would get him out the house, on your say so, that you are afraid, for you and the kids.
I knew this would blow up, what a tosser. Hope you are ok op

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cestlavielife · 25/02/2011 13:26

are you conerneed about the chidlrens welfare?

call emergency duty social worker and ask them to assist you with police to get in and get your DC out.

SS can help you here and support you in next steps too.

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cestlavielife · 25/02/2011 13:26

call local councila nd ask for duty social worker - childrens team tell them you worried about your child being held hostage by your H

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SmashingNarcissistsMirrors · 25/02/2011 13:27

i think the think to focus on with the police is not so much that he has locked you out of the house but that he is denying you access to your children (since they are in the house). this then becomes a child protection issue also. i don't know if social services could be of help there?

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FromDespairToWhere · 25/02/2011 13:30

I'm getting good support in RL and am currently at my brothers with my mum. DS1 isn't biologically Hs and he has agreed that he will drop him off later at my mums. Now just hoping that can get DS2 back today.

I've got no sympathy for H now. He's being very vindictive and nasty and using DS1 as a pawn, which is unforgivable IMO.

I am the main carer and am at home with DS2 mon to wed. H has said he will organise childcare so that DS2 doesn't have to see me anymore

OP posts:

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BellaSwanCullen · 25/02/2011 13:37

I think the idea of involving the police and ss involved is a good one, he will drop your older ds off later, whf? why are you allowing him to dictate what is going on here?

It is obvious you have been abused, I have not read your previous threads, as you are letting him get away with things that a woman who had self worth would not.

Go to that house, knock on the door and get your kids. It is your home, and he has kidnapped your older child, why have you not told the police ss that he kidnapped your older child?

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miniwedge · 25/02/2011 13:40

You can get an emergency residency order, you can apply to the courts and have a hearing without your ex there.

Your solicitor should talk you through this, if you want a quick resolution you can call the courts (magistrates court) and ask them to talk you through the process, you can go there and fill the forms in with the help of the clerk of the court.

You don't need a solicitor to do this for you, the hearing would be you and a magistrate plus a court recorder usually.
You simply state the facts;

my husband has refused access to the home.
He is stating that he is denying access on a permanent basis to my younger son.
I am the childrens primary carer and have been since their birth.
He is telling both children that Mummy doesn't care about them and doesn't want to see them
He is physically and emotionally abusive
I am frightened for the childrens emotional and physical well being.

I wish to have an emergency residency order issued to safeguard my children in the interim until we can resolve this matter satisfactorily in the appropriate manner using mediation if possible.

my partner did this for his daughter, I won't go into the circumstances as they would be pretty indentifiable but the process was simple and the order was granted.

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miniwedge · 25/02/2011 13:41

Sorry, should have added we had the hearing within 24 hrs of making the application.

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Meglet · 25/02/2011 13:42

I think you need to call Womens Aid now, they will be able to help. And they might be able to kick the police up the backside if necessary.

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