He's Locked Me Out

[FromDespairToWhere]

I posted a few days ago about wanting to leave H. Last night I went out with my best friend for a meal and a few drinks. H texted while out telling me not to bother coming home. Many more texts and phone calls followed and I told him I would stay at my mum's as it was late and I didn't want to get the DCs involved in a big row.

This morning he rang to say that he was not going to let me back in the house and if I tried he would physically remove me, chuck all my things out or call the police. He is refusing to let me near DS2 and has said he will go for full custody of him. He has allowed me to speak to DS1 but had already told him that I didn't care about him and DS1 seemed very confused and scared.

I've got an appt to see a family lawyer this afternoon but would appreciate some advice or hand holding.

previous threads

Must agree that Relate is only now useful for either counselling alone or mediating through the separation etc. (and that it's not necessarily the time for the latter yet).

Going through the motions of the inevitable will only give him hope - hope of manipulating you further.

Really hope you and DCs are alright x

Haven't had chance to post before now. I went to relate and it was better than I thought it would be. H admitted that he had been emotionally abusive and the counsellor talked with us about what triggers his rage. She also explained her concerns to H about him remaining in the house and got H to focus on what steps he could take to prevent himself from hurting anyone, either emotionally or physically.

H is still in the house but I don't feel threatened by having him here at the moment. I know how fast things can change though so I am being very careful still about what I say and do. He now seems very ashamed that he has become an abuser as his dad was like this and he has always said how much he hates men like that. H has made appts to view some rental properties on Monday and has the money ready for rent and deposit so I am hopeful he will be moving out soon.

Remember that you are doing the right thing in getting rid of this wanker. Remember that the minute he kicks off and has a tantrum, you can call the police and have him removed. Because of the particular 'flavour of knob' he is, you might find yourself thinking that you ought to be kinder to him, that maybe it's all partly your fault etc. Oh no it's not. He's a wanker who doesn't think women are human beings. The sooner he's gone the better. Best of luck.

FDTW - thanks for updating us, take care. Please don't take any chances.

zombie thread from 2011?

Get yourself to a solicitor. I did and my ex and me weren't married. I ended up in a refuge. So phone women's aid, they will help you find a friendly solicitor. We went to court. Not only was he told by a judge to pack up and fuck off (I had 3 dc with him) he also told him to pay the mortgage for 12 months!!!! Go back to the coppers and tell them you want to see officers from the domestic violence unit (they all have a unit dedicated to this sort of thing) the coppers that turned out for you were probably traffic coppers and they ain't interested

Very old thread Ladymiss. Hopefully it has all been resolved by now.

Zombie thread - again resurrected by sid8