He's Locked Me Out

[FromDespairToWhere]

I posted a few days ago about wanting to leave H. Last night I went out with my best friend for a meal and a few drinks. H texted while out telling me not to bother coming home. Many more texts and phone calls followed and I told him I would stay at my mum's as it was late and I didn't want to get the DCs involved in a big row.

This morning he rang to say that he was not going to let me back in the house and if I tried he would physically remove me, chuck all my things out or call the police. He is refusing to let me near DS2 and has said he will go for full custody of him. He has allowed me to speak to DS1 but had already told him that I didn't care about him and DS1 seemed very confused and scared.

I've got an appt to see a family lawyer this afternoon but would appreciate some advice or hand holding.

previous threads

Yuo sit back and let him dictate what happens, you will end up being the visiting parent in any contact order.

Courts take their own sweet time, by which point he will say your child is in a routine and the court will not rock the boat (I've been thro the courts loads with regards childrens matters).

Are you chidlren at school? Go pick them up from school.

I just want to say... well, what everyone else is saying. Do what people have suggested - read the posts again. Please

GO AND GET YOUR KIDS. Don't let this pitiful excuse for a man keep them from you. Call Women's Aid, call the police (could his witholding of DS1 count as abduction, since DS1 isn't his?), go round to YOUR house and do not leave until you have both of your boys safe with you.

Good luck.

do what miniwedge said. dont sit there waiting...

I would get the police to get that abuser out of the house, and you back in it at the same time, do bring a locksmith and get your Dad to stay with you for a bit. Women's aid will advise you once you are back in the house and he is out and you have the two children.

Where the hell is ds1's Father in all of this?

If ds1's Father is not an abusive type and is on the scene, then why the hell is he not phoning the police, knocking on the door and demanding his son be returned.

DO NOT BREAK IN YOU CAN BE ARRESTED FOR DAMAGING THE PROPERTY.

Miniwedge - gives great advice. xx

Good grief! Please do as other have said - call the police back and get your children!

I most certainly would not sit and wait at your brothers for him to decide when to return your child. What a cheek. Get back round there, call the police and womans aid, get the social services involved too, its kidnap.

Locksmith and the police. He has no more right to take your ds1 than I do. Don't wait for him to call the shots.

Good luck, OP.

As another poster said, if you sit and wait on him bringing your child, it will apear that this is what you want, and that he is being helpful!!! He will spend the time with your children poisening their little minds. I said this on your other thread, while you are writing on mn worrying about should you leave, or how to appease him, he is cooking up ever more elaborate ways to cause you pain.

He is going to stop at nothing to hurt you, and that worries me, for your kids. Please take action now.

Is that right Mouseface, even though op owns half the property ? Doesnt it just fall to her to pay for the repair?

he actually kidnapped your children (even if allowing them to see you now). you need to report this as a crime to the police so there is a record of this for any future dealings.

Nope, it doens't matter if she is joint owner, if she breaks a window or breaks down the door HE can press charges for criminal damage.

And let's be fair, this guy would

I know because when my XP locked me out, after taking my keys out of my bag, I called the police and they told me not to break in, I could go into the house, with my key through a door.

Not an open window or by force.

A locksmith will not break a window or door, they have little picks

If he has no right to DS1, surely it´s unlikely that someone would split the boys up just so that he can have "his" son iyswim?

Ring the police.

locksmith wouldnt be damaging property tho would it?

And personally I'd go in thro an open window if the oppurtunity presented itself, if my kids were in there with a psycho! I'd call the police once in tho and tell them ex was violent and threatening the children and I.....

I remember when KK was having those issues in the press and they did say that as the children having grown up together they would have to be kept together as this man has (are we sure?) no pr on son number1, then a final decision if this op gets the kids back quick will be to keep them together and with the mother. If op allows the kids to be split up now then the bond will be broken and he can keep ds2, he probably knows all this, I bet he has had legal advice, and that he knows he should not keep ds1, and he is playing the long game, to keep the younger one.

You need two things

A non-occupation order and a non-molestation order. (Non-occ and non-mol) to get your husband out and keep him out. You can only get these if he is violent or threatening to you and/or the DCs.

You have house ownership rights and occupancy rights, however so does he. If you break in then call the police and tell them what you are doing - you cannot be arrested for damaging your own property, however you can be arrested for causing a breach of the peace.

Don't let the others fire you up in a frenzy about kidnap. If you trusted your DH to look after DS1 whist you were out, and presumably on previous occasions then you can't claim he has kidnapped him, even if you haven't been to court to give him parental responsibility.

Text him (and keep a copy stating that you expect him to return both children to you be x time on x date (today) at your Mums. If he then refuses to bring DS1 then you can complain to the police and social services. If you think will be violent or abusive to the children then you ask your solicitor to get you an emergency residence hearing.

Good luck.

it is kidnap. it doesn't matter that she has agreed to leave the kids with him before. people agree to leave their children with babysitters / grandparents. if they refuse to give those children back or allow access to the mother when asked it is kidnap. in the uk the default carer is seen as the mother (particularly in the case of the child not biologically his).

without a court order no father has the right to deny access to the children by the mother. if she refuses to make a record of this he could argue in future that she abandonned the children to his care (therefore making her look like an unfit mother).

Where did you get "the default carer is seen as the Mother" thing from SNM?

I also don't get the "making her look like an unfit mother" SNM?

H has just texted me some photos of the DSs at a farm so it looks like he has taken them out for the day. My big worry now is that he will drop DS1 off later but then can do what he wants with DS2. I wouldn't put it past him to take DS2 somewhere else. At least if they are in our house I know where they are.

I have spoken to womens aid and they have said that it is up to the police as to whether they view it as a civil matter or not. The police can force H to let me back in but they will not always support me if I tried to remove the DSs from the property.

DS1s dad isn't aware of the situation as I haven't told him yet. I didn't want to risk making the situation worse as H cannot stand him.