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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He's Locked Me Out

186 replies

FromDespairToWhere · 25/02/2011 10:58

I posted a few days ago about wanting to leave H. Last night I went out with my best friend for a meal and a few drinks. H texted while out telling me not to bother coming home. Many more texts and phone calls followed and I told him I would stay at my mum's as it was late and I didn't want to get the DCs involved in a big row.

This morning he rang to say that he was not going to let me back in the house and if I tried he would physically remove me, chuck all my things out or call the police. He is refusing to let me near DS2 and has said he will go for full custody of him. He has allowed me to speak to DS1 but had already told him that I didn't care about him and DS1 seemed very confused and scared.

I've got an appt to see a family lawyer this afternoon but would appreciate some advice or hand holding.

previous threads

OP posts:
NewPatchesForOld · 25/02/2011 20:07

Ridiculous as it seems she cannot break in, even to her own house. My ex changed the locks when myself and the Dc fled to a refuge. I came back WITH the police who told him to stay away while I collected my belongings...but when it became apparent that he'd changed the locksthe PC who was with me told me that if I broke in I would be arrested for criminal damage. The law sucks.

CarGirl · 25/02/2011 20:13

Who said he's changed the locks, only that he's locked her out - possibly by leaving keys in the lock etc.

If she causes no damage to the property then there is no criminal damage.

CarGirl · 25/02/2011 20:14

Besides if she's in residence and she then changes the locks then he can't get back in anyway.......

macdoodle · 25/02/2011 20:17

Its not kidnap, my ex refused to return my girls on xmas day. The police said it wasnt kidnapping as he has parental responsibility. They said it was a civil matter and unless the children were in immediate physical danger, there was nothing they could do.
Be strong OP, it will be ok.

LaurieFairyCake · 25/02/2011 20:17

Firstly, of course you can damage your own property

Secondly of course you can break in or get a locksmith to break in for you providing you can prove you own it.

Do it and stay there. Then you will see your children. If he lays a hand on you to try to chuck you out you call the police.

MrsFlittersnoop · 25/02/2011 20:18

Apologies to everyone if I've got my facts wrong Blush.

But why is it that everyone here always tells posters they must not under any circumstances change the locks if their partner/DH is a legal tenant/owner of the property, even when their DH has been violent or is threatening them?

Sorry if this seems like a thread hijack, but perhaps we should ask over in Legal? Because this has been a very important issue time and time again for women posting here.

Original poster
FromDespairToWhere · 25/02/2011 20:18

I'm back in the house Grin

Unfortunately, so is H but at least I'm with the DSs. I spoke to H after leaving the solicitors and told him that I was going to get an emergency residency order and a non-occupation order. He then went to speak to a solicitor and after seeing them he agreed I could return to the house.

We are going to try and talk about things over the next couple of hours although I'm not sure I trust him to stick to any arrangement that is made. I think I'll be getting the locks changed soon and spending lots of time with my solicitor because I know the calm, reasonable side that has appeared won't be here for long Sad

OP posts:
MrsFlittersnoop · 25/02/2011 20:20

I'm so relieved to see you posting again. Are you sure you're OK for the time being?

MigratingCoconuts · 25/02/2011 20:20

Great news!! Good luck. and my thoughts are with you...

Original poster
FromDespairToWhere · 25/02/2011 20:21

My solicitor told me that I can change the locks. She also said that H can do so too if he wanted.

OP posts:
BellaSwanCullen · 25/02/2011 20:21

Have you phoned Women's aid OP? Seriously he is playing you! Keep posting OP, thank goodness you have the children with you. I don't know the backstory, you need suport though! Have you got a lock for the bedroom tonight? Are you sleeping with the kids? Is anyone else in the house with you?

wannaBe · 25/02/2011 20:23

because legally, the property belongs to both parties (assuming they are married) and both have equal right to access the property.

NewPatchesForOld · 25/02/2011 20:23

Be very careful OP...it is well documented that the most dangerous time for a woman is when she is planning to leave or end the relationship. Just don't fall for his games or his promises.

CarGirl · 25/02/2011 20:25

Truly I would leave asap with both dc and go to a refuge. You can fight for the marital home/equity from it in the future. What is most important is that you leave with both your dc and go somewhere safe from him whilst you sort out residency etc.

norksinmywaistband · 25/02/2011 20:27

I agree with cargirl, please don't stay, get your DC out ASAP

PeterAndreForPM · 25/02/2011 21:21

Please do not be blindsided by this period of relative calm

you are in a very dangerous situation

your Grin is misplaced

this is not a game, he has shown he will not not stop at most things now

please look afer yourself and take all steps to get him out of your life

high drama....not a good place to be where there are kids involved

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 25/02/2011 21:23

FFS don't trust this awful man. YOu would be a lot safer packing your essentials and leaving with DC (which will not take away your rights over the property, you can still get him thrown out and barred from returning). But his threats of throwing you and your belongings into the street mean he has completely crossed the line. He may well physically attack you tonight. He is dangerous.

MadAboutQuavers · 25/02/2011 21:27

I am amazed at the lengths some arsewipes men will go to to get their own way in a relationship

OP, I hope you are ok and safe. I echo the suggestions that you get the hell out of there with your DSs if your now ex P won't go

SunshineisSorry · 25/02/2011 21:29

Sometimes i think that people go OTT on these threads telling people to leave now! NOT THIS TIME

This man has told your children you don't care about them - what a spiteful, vile cunt. If he wont leave tonight, then im sorry but i think you have to get out - get your brother to come and get you and your children and leave, fuck, i couldnt stay a night in the house with this man, i would seriously worry about what he might do next, i just woudlnt be able to sleep :(

Mumi · 25/02/2011 21:34

"emergency residency order and a non-occupation order" - you are still going ahead with these, right?

Portofino · 25/02/2011 21:36

No - there is no history of violence here. He is a twunt yes, but surely OP is better advised to stay in the house.

Portofino · 25/02/2011 21:36

I might get comeone to stay - but no bloody way would I be moving out.

CarGirl · 25/02/2011 21:40

If someone had threatened that you would never see one of your dc again and they were controlling and desperate would you take that risk?

Portofino · 25/02/2011 21:42

Um, but she is IN the house WITH the dcs.

PeterAndreForPM · 25/02/2011 21:46

porto...a man this manipulative doesn't have many boundaries left, IMO

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