Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He's Locked Me Out

186 replies

FromDespairToWhere · 25/02/2011 10:58

I posted a few days ago about wanting to leave H. Last night I went out with my best friend for a meal and a few drinks. H texted while out telling me not to bother coming home. Many more texts and phone calls followed and I told him I would stay at my mum's as it was late and I didn't want to get the DCs involved in a big row.

This morning he rang to say that he was not going to let me back in the house and if I tried he would physically remove me, chuck all my things out or call the police. He is refusing to let me near DS2 and has said he will go for full custody of him. He has allowed me to speak to DS1 but had already told him that I didn't care about him and DS1 seemed very confused and scared.

I've got an appt to see a family lawyer this afternoon but would appreciate some advice or hand holding.

previous threads

OP posts:
PeterAndreForPM · 25/02/2011 23:26

stupid < leaves thread >

Portofino · 25/02/2011 23:27

Remember the earlier posts. He could break into his OWN house....

GypsyMoth · 25/02/2011 23:27

Make sure you have a phone close to hand..... He hasn't taken all phones has he?? Check!

MadAboutQuavers · 25/02/2011 23:28

Don't fall for his mind games

"I can't live with myself" is one such mind game

Has he gone out to plot how to get what he wants and ensure you are left with nothing?

I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him

Did you lock the doors because you are frightened of him, or for some other reason?

If you feel unsafe and see frightened, call the police or get a friend or relative in with you, and DON'T let him in

MadAboutQuavers · 25/02/2011 23:30

PeterAndre - who are you to judge?

You're not there facing this, the OP is

PeterAndreForPM · 25/02/2011 23:33

MAQ...you think it's a good idea to escalate this when she is alone in the house with dc...at this time of night ?

anybody who eggs her on to do this is out of their fucking mind

he is dangerous...who are you to encourage such game-playing from the end of your broadband connection ?

madness

MadAboutQuavers · 25/02/2011 23:35

And if he comes back and things escalate from inside the house that's better is it?

MadAboutQuavers · 25/02/2011 23:37

It's not game playing - it's about keeping safe from someone who could do just about anything from what the OP has told us

GypsyMoth · 25/02/2011 23:38

I kind if agree with Peter, having been there myself gho, I'd also be wary of having him in the house overnight after all this

If he causes trouble police can come...... But if he's only arrested for breach of peace then he'll be back out in a few hours anyway

PeterAndreForPM · 25/02/2011 23:38

have you read all the thread, MAQ ?

and the back story ?

he has escalated this enough in the last few hours

if she raises the stakes again she might be very sorry

the advice she was given upthread was sensible

appease for now

get legal sensible advice in the morning/after the weekend

she was doing that until she had a sudden turn about

bad, bad idea

this man is unpredictable

stupid idea to deliberaley wind him up when alone wih kids in house

if she wanted to do it this way.....do it in the dayime when she has physical back up

this is madness

PeterAndreForPM · 25/02/2011 23:41

OP...I really am leaving your thread now

stop the game playing

you cannot win

I hope you are ok, but you have to stop with the stake-raising

you know he is capable of crossing boundaries...why would you deliberately provoke him after all the advice you have already had when you are alone with no back up ?

PeterAndreForPM · 25/02/2011 23:42

ILT, I know your back story (am a name changer)

this is not the right thing to do, right now, is it ?

MadAboutQuavers · 25/02/2011 23:43

Of course I've bloody read the thread, AND the back story

It's precisely because he's unpredictable that, if it was me, I wouldn't feel safe having him in the house overnight with my kids

Appeasement may not be enough to keep the OP safe, that's what I'm afraid of

MadAboutQuavers · 25/02/2011 23:45

She's not playing games - she doesn't feel safe!

GypsyMoth · 25/02/2011 23:46

Peter, I agree it's not greatest thing to do

Friday night, police could be some time if they are called

Is there nowhere you could go with the dc op??

BellaSwanCullen · 25/02/2011 23:47

He is unstable in his moods, she should tonight do what she has to keep things as simple as possible for long term safety. The children for a start have had a horrible 24 hours and the last thing they need is more negative stuff.

OP has solicitor working on the emergency orders.

OP hopefully can ask her Brother to come and stay the night with her in the same locked room at the children and a mobile.

If it was me I would be out of the house with the dc as fast as I could get to the Brothers and then elsewhere in the morning.

MadAboutQuavers · 25/02/2011 23:47

OP, please call a friend or relative to be there with you
Peter is right, you shouldn't be alone

PeterAndreForPM · 25/02/2011 23:48

am not going to argue wih you, MAQ

Op gets locked out

finally gets let back in

he goes out for a walk

she locks him out

does this seem a good thing to do

at nearly midnight on a friday, with dc in the house, and no back up ?

she needs to do his, yes

wih legal framework and police protection

Op already said earlier the police were not that interested in a "civil" dispute

she also didn't get his previous actions logged properly (from what she said)

crazy situation

if she wanted to game-play at this time of night, she should have taken the kids and gone to a place of safety...that would have done it

not this, just waiting for an opportunity to play him at his own game

stupid

PeterAndreForPM · 25/02/2011 23:50

OP, if he is still out....leave the house now with your children before this escalates further

GypsyMoth · 25/02/2011 23:50

Op are you there still?

Quick call to Womens aid? I was in similar position once and they found a place in a hostel for me straightaway.

PeterAndreForPM · 25/02/2011 23:55

I really do have to go

OP, I hope you are safe x

loscann · 25/02/2011 23:56

FFS, take the kids and go back to your mum's.

You can sort out legal non-occupation order etc tomorrow in the cold light of day. Making this guy angry in the middle of the night with your DCs in the house and only a windowpane between you is unbelievably stupid.

LaurieFairyCake · 26/02/2011 00:03

Don't lock the door, you don't have the right. Just like he didn't.

Get someone to come and stay with you tonight or leave with the children.

Original poster
FromDespairToWhere · 26/02/2011 00:14

I let him in when he came back. For some reason I feel safer knowing he's in the house, where I can see what kind of a mood he's in than not knowing Where he is or what he's doing. I think my initial reaction of locking the doors was panic driven. I keep second guessing myself and doubting every decision I make.

I'm going to try and get some sleep now. Thank you to everyone who has posted. You've helped me get through today.

OP posts:
LittleMissHissyFit · 26/02/2011 00:21

Try to get some rest FDTW, you have had a horrible day and you need to try to stay calm this weekend.

Keep posting.

Swipe left for the next trending thread