Awful sex mistake - the shame :-(

[h20]

Sorry about this, but I have just had the most bizarre experience and I don't know what to make of it. I drop my sons off at School in the mornings and have noticed one of the dads of a kid in my eldest's class looking at me a lot since last summer. I often see him staring over, and have noticed him watching my arse as I walk away because I can see him reflected in a glass door etc.

He finally came up to speak to me last week and we made awkward small talk. I am thinking he is cute - not my usual type, but cute. He is a coach at a local sports club. I ask someone that knows him at work what he is like and the report back is positive. I am half thinking he might ask me out.

Anyway, this morning I have the day off and as I leave the school grounds he is there. We have a quick chat and I tell him I am off work today and tomorow. He asks me about my husband, I tell him I am divorced. I say why doesn't he bring his son to play one day. He say's 'I don't think my partner would like it much', but maybe have coffee some time? We go our separate ways.

A few minutes later he drives past, and then again and pulls over in front of me. "Want a coffee?" he says. I stupidly invite him to my house which is just round the corner.

Anyway, cut a long story short he says he is mad about my body etc etc and I tell him I'm not interested - he is in a relationship etc. I'm not sure what to do now, feeling awkward - he starts kissing me and touching my bum, and, why why why??? I did't feel able to say no and we have sex in my kitchen. It was crap. I now feel like crap.
He leaves saying see you tomorrow, like he wants to do it again, how about wearing hold-ups etc (YUK). I say I'm busy tomorrow.

How on earth do I make myself feel OK, what a total idiot I am. I am so embarrassed.

On its own yes but put what facts you have been given in order.

op invited mn back for coffee,

Op said she didnt want sex,

Man started the process anyway,

No condom was used

Op states she does not want sex

Man states (not asked) that he will be back tomorrow

Also i dont know how others feel but if my husband had a quickie with one of our childs mothers from school i would want to bloody well know aswell. What if SHE has an STD or worst case

What if she gets PREGNANT!

'I tell him I'm not interested - he is in a relationship etc'

I shall remeber in future that telling someone the above does not mean no but actually yes shall I?

I'm also at this thread.

One of the more shocking opinions is that if you invite someone in for coffee at 9am in the morning you are somehow Up For It, regardless of whether you tell the person "I am not interested" or not, or say "no no no" repeatedly.

See a few months ago I was blasted on here for 'giving the wrong signals' to a man in a position of power who was sexually harassing me.

I was polite, he invited himself to my house and I made an excuse because I was wary of his intentions - he then proceeded to put his hand on my arse and start rubbing my shoulders.

This was in a school playground. No adults were nearby and I did not make a fuss, I ignored it.

He continued to try and garner an invite to my house. I don't think he even wanted one, He just knew I felt horribly angry and disgusted with him, but was too scared/polite/unprepared to know how to respond.

I told his employer, who considered it sexual harassment, which it was. He's still in the same job. I avoid him.

Who was to blame? Me for 'letting him' touch my arse? And for carrying on walking into school with my children, without making a fuss?

Or was he a sleazy, disgusting bastard taking advantage?

This isn't the incident I described earlier btw.

A lot of projection on this thread, and I'm not sure that it's entirely helpful to the OP.

er, I mean that you have to say "no no no" in order for it to be non-consensual.

On its own yes but put what facts you have been given in order.

op invited mn back for coffee,

Op said she didnt want sex,

Man started the process anyway,

No condom was used

Op states she does not want sex

Man states (not asked) that he will be back tomorrow

But where in the OP does she push him off and say NO
She doesn't

She doesn't state that she pushed him off, she STATES that she said "no your in a relationship etc" - to me that SCREAMS if things were different then yes but there not.

this guy shouldn't have even asked her for coffee let alone shag her and what makes this worse is he has a partner FGS.

I know Id want to know if i was his partner.

Well said, marmynags.

'OP fancied a quickie with a stranger, then felt remorseful afterwards'

really? She fancied it? How on earth does anyone draw that conclusion?

He did not rape her. He did not assault her.

She had the daytime equivalent of a one-night stand and is now regretting it.

she has already admitted she fancied him as well.

He says to her "do you want a coffee".. instead of saying "oh yeah, that new starbucks is nice".. she says "my house is round the corner".... she has already suggested he bring his son round to her house... she is giving him plenty of messages that she is interested in him..

She also says she didnt say no at any point.

Lets be realistic here, not get carried away with womens rights. This is the sort of ridiculous talk that encourages women to report a rape that hasnt happened, drag an innocent (albeit unfaithful shitbag) man through the courts.. and gives women a bad name, as well as being an insult to women who genuinely are assaulted and raped.

I am not projecting I just accept that a women has the right to say no at ny point and be respected, and that saying no once is enough and you do not have to have put up what others consider a adequate fight before ignoring someone saying no to sex is rape.

Bubblewrap you are so, so wrong.

I'll come back later when OP has returned.

I think people are making massive jumps, here, sorry.

what bubblewrapped said.

Avabanana - i think the same too

But where in the OP does she push him off and say NO
She doesn't

She doesn't state that she pushed him off, she STATES that she said "no your in a relationship etc"

OMG so you have to push someone off before you given a adequate fight for it to be rape

Bubblewrap, you are so, so right.

bubblewrap
i agree with you. she had the equivalent as a one night stand but during in the day on her kitchen table

Lets just hope she bleaches it before having tea tonight!

No Ingrid, I am not wrong.

You are putting ideas into this womans head.

and from your own post

I was polite, he invited himself to my house and I made an excuse because I was wary of his intentions - he then proceeded to put his hand on my arse and start rubbing my shoulders.

This was in a school playground. No adults were nearby and I did not make a fuss, I ignored it

Why on earth did you not say "get your fucking hand OFF my arse NOW"....

'Man states (not asked) that he will be back tomorrow'

OP NEVER said that

She said

'He leaves saying see you tomorrow, like he wants to do it again, how about wearing hold-ups etc (YUK). I say I'm busy tomorrow.'

yes, giant leaps in likely the wrong direction.

Exactly "she STATES that she said "no your in a relationship etc""

She said no.

Let's be clear. In the man's position, the responsibility was on him to ask the OP whether this was something she wanted. There is no such thing as implied consent in these situations. A philanderer doesn't equate to being a rapist and the bloke should have checked that consent was given.

Did the man do this H20?