Awful sex mistake - the shame :-(

[h20]

Sorry about this, but I have just had the most bizarre experience and I don't know what to make of it. I drop my sons off at School in the mornings and have noticed one of the dads of a kid in my eldest's class looking at me a lot since last summer. I often see him staring over, and have noticed him watching my arse as I walk away because I can see him reflected in a glass door etc.

He finally came up to speak to me last week and we made awkward small talk. I am thinking he is cute - not my usual type, but cute. He is a coach at a local sports club. I ask someone that knows him at work what he is like and the report back is positive. I am half thinking he might ask me out.

Anyway, this morning I have the day off and as I leave the school grounds he is there. We have a quick chat and I tell him I am off work today and tomorow. He asks me about my husband, I tell him I am divorced. I say why doesn't he bring his son to play one day. He say's 'I don't think my partner would like it much', but maybe have coffee some time? We go our separate ways.

A few minutes later he drives past, and then again and pulls over in front of me. "Want a coffee?" he says. I stupidly invite him to my house which is just round the corner.

Anyway, cut a long story short he says he is mad about my body etc etc and I tell him I'm not interested - he is in a relationship etc. I'm not sure what to do now, feeling awkward - he starts kissing me and touching my bum, and, why why why??? I did't feel able to say no and we have sex in my kitchen. It was crap. I now feel like crap.
He leaves saying see you tomorrow, like he wants to do it again, how about wearing hold-ups etc (YUK). I say I'm busy tomorrow.

How on earth do I make myself feel OK, what a total idiot I am. I am so embarrassed.

OneMoreChap talks sense.

Chalk it up to experience and IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE bloody fucking twatting wanker. Cannot believe the cheek of some people

Yes- I have been asked if I want to have sex. Some people are considerate of others and do not just assume.

(Reader- I married him...)

Well said OneMoreChap

Thanks for coming back, h20. I hope you are feeling a bit better now.

H20 Can i say with the greatest of respect, having skimmed the thread a bit, that you are over analysing this. You invited him back, you liked him, he showed his true colours - lucky escape. You deserve better, hide this thread, get STI test if you feel you should and move on. Don't let it get to you. You don't want a two minute wonder anyway - if he tries again just say "no mate, you don't pass muster"

I have not always been asked, I have had sex while drunk, nothing wrong with this, however you can clearly tell if someone does not want sex without them saying no. My current partner picked up on that the first time we had sex (first since my ex) and stopped I went rigid.

Hully, in response to your post re permission - I tend to think that consent is indicated rather than spelt out. I think the OP was taken advantage of, i dont think she was raped and if anyone has suggested she has been they are treading dangerous ground, the OP needs to not attach too much significance to this creep and forget him.

I have been actually "asked" once for sex - i worked in a canteen, guy i fancied said "can i fuck you tonight" i said yes, we were fuck buddies for years and it was great - he was a male tart and i shudder to think where he had been. Saw him the other day but he was with his partner but had he not been we would have exchanged pleasantries This encounter took place 20 years ago i hasten to add.

Can you clearly tell if she is kissing him and putting her hand on his bum too?

Others have said to just put it down to experience. OneMoreChap made some bloody good points about trying to see through mixed messages. I think posters should stop trying to wring a little rape out of this now.

Good luck on the school run OP.

Be firm if he suggests anything again.

OneMoreChap - the voice of reason!

I just felt bad but am feeling a bit better now.

By the way for all you judgy people, the man I love is re-uniting with his wife - he was free when we were together.

So far from this I have learnt that:

• Sometimes my own beviour is totally idiotic and incomprehensible.
• I can't do casual sex.
• At least not with some idiot who makes NO effort at all to give me a good time.
• Don't invite anyone that really fancies me to my house unless I get to know them first.
• I really need to look after myself better.
• I am really pissed off with myself and will have to face him tomorrow.

Bonkers! Am hiding this thread.

OP... This is only really about you. I understand that you feel crap, I would too. Accept that you do feel like that and make a resolution to yourself that you'll never be 'passive' again, making sure that you have control of yourself and your feelings in future.

You had a lucky escape actually... the guy could have been much worse. We live and learn by our mistakes. You're not stupid, what you did was stupid, but you're paying the price not feeling comfortable in your own skin at the moment.

Forgive yourself and move on.

Not you, h20. Rhadegunde. People don't agree with you, so they are rape deniers? FGS.

How can it be "asking for it" to invite an acquaintance into your house for a coffee?

It's not rape unless you have fought back?

Some of the posts on here are mind-boggling.

let me address those points H20

1. You are not an idiot, you liked someone, you got carried away - it happens
2. Casual sex is often a disappointment - it happens
3. At least you know he isn't worth bothering about now.
4. Well, dont invite anyone back who you don't know, but then you see, you sort of do know him due to te school run so you can forgive yourself that one.
5. I think you need to like yourself more
6. Thems the breaks, but remember, he has to face you too and he is going to be when you give him the cold shoulder

H2O when you see him you need to act in a way that you don't feel - don't hang your head and look ashamed and so on. Chin up, if he approaches you keep it cool and polite and move off. If he suggests anything a simple "no I'm not interested" will suffice. Then keep out of his way.

Oh and for what its worth - had i been in your shoes, i would have probably done exactly the same!!

Oh, what a sad story. I totally feel for you OP. What an awful man and in my book that does constitute as a bit overpowering and assumptive. You did say you weren't interested.

ISNT

How can it be "asking for it" to invite an acquaintance into your house for a coffee?
It isn't (good choice of name incidentally). I hadn't seen anyone say it was?

It's not rape unless you have fought back?
Ridiculous idea; I agree with you - as I thought every single poster here did. it's not about fighting, it's about consent.

Some of the posts on here are mind-boggling.

It might help if you look up straw man

I thought "we" were all on the same side, and having seen the eminently sensible post from h2o I didn't see the problem?