First sex after DH. Scared shitless

[longweight]

Last time I was dating I was 18, stretchmark free and didn't have any body hangups.

I have met someone who seems great, been dating for a month and I really fancy him. He has been living with his ex wife while they sold house/had joint christmas with kids and just moved into his own place.

All our dates so far have been public places but he has asked if I want to come to his new house and I'm terrified of the sex thing.

He's an athlete and very fit. I've seen photos of his ex and she is gorgeous/toned/pretty. I'm fit/healthy weight but without clothes it's not pretty.

We'd agreed to take stuff slowly but there is a lot of sexual chemistry and I really want to but scared he won't like me once he sees me naked.

Well in my experience I think that there is so, so much more to sex than having a 'perfect' body. I'm speaking as a woman who has fancied men with far from perfect physiques so can only assume that men are fairly similar!! They say that 99% or some ridiculously high % of sexual attarction is mental anyway, so if you are geting on famously and fancy each other the minutiae of each others bodies wont be the main focus
Most women, even if they are 'gorgeous, toned and pretty', if they have borne children then their body will show that, so your new chap will not be expecting an 18 yrear olds body will he!
Add to that the fact that most ordinary decent men are far more concerned about how they are being perceived and their own 'performance' than they are about examining a new partners body, he will fancy/love you for the sum of all your 'parts' not just one or two!!
Good luck and dont let your fears spoil things for you.x

He will be so excited that you are naked, he won't care about any stretch marks and wobbly bits.
i've read similar threads on here and the male posters said the same thing.
If you are really worried, talk to him about it and maybe keep something on, like a silky teddy.
Have fun

Don't worry.
Once he's got your clothes off he won't change his mind.

Who wants a Barbie anyway?

It makes it so much worse because he's so fit and all the girls who use the same training facility (where we met) are all so toned and taut.

I've seen him in tight shorts and he looked incredible, he keeps saying that he can't believe I'm dating him and thinks I'm much more attractive than him but it the other way round and he will see this.

My DH lost all respect for me once I got pregnant and my body changed, it's a huge issue for me.

Your ex-DH sounds like a shit.

It can take a while to rebuild confidence when you've taken a knock. Talk to new DP about your feelings- I'm sure he will be kind and supportive.
Don't rush into sex if you're not ready.

As a bloke I have to say that a filthy mind coupled with an engaging personality trumps a models body anytime.

I have not had 'nude' sex for over 10 years. Not particularly because of issues over my body but just because I find it much more exciting to be partially dressed (in underwear). This has not just been with one guy as I went a bit wild after my divorce. Not one man complained and to be honest I think they loved it as well. My current boyfriend of 5 years has never seen me totally naked and has never mentioned it. He now buys my outfits and is totally turned on by them.

I have got a couple of pairs of crotchless pants, although thongs are just as easy and a number of push up bras as well as a few teddy type numbers/corsets which are left on during the act. I can honestly state I don't think I will ever do it naked again. It's great.

Buy an outfit and if he tries to remove it just state, in a sexy kind of way, 'no, leave it on, I prefer it this way'. I guarantee you (and he) will love it.

Of course everyone is different and you may eventually want to go nude but recommend trying this first until you feel more confident.

Longweight, I just wanted to say how much your post resonated with me. I've just started dating again too, and although I haven't met anyone I would consider having sex with yet, I'm still anxious about when it does happen.

This is going to make me sound like a total twat, but my problem is that with clothes and a decent bra on, I have the sort of figure that people comment on. Men will say what an amazing body I have and christ it just makes me cringe, because all I can think is oh god, you haven't seen me without my clothes on. I know they're going to be disappointed.

I've had three children and breastfed them all, so my breasts are empty and saggy and covered in stretch marks. And although I'm very slim my belly is still covered in loose skin.

I almost feel tempted to avoid relationships because of it, although I know logically in my head that that's ridiculous and that I should be proud of my body and what it can do.

Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you to you for posting this and that you're not alone. Hopefully we can both take some positive support from this thread.

MakeYourOwn we sound similar. People seem to perceive me as attractive, I get lots of attention from opposite sex but if people saw my tummy they'd be running for the hills. I couldn't imagine wanting sex with someone ever again post dh until now.

I'm so turned on by this man I can't imagine not having sex with him. Feelings appear mutual.

I like the idea of lingerie but am a narrow rib/large cup size and most of stuff i looked at doesn't come in my size or wouldn't be supportive enough. If you have any suggestions mrs c, I'm a size 10/12 32g. I bought a beautiful bra that makes my breasts look like they used to so I just need something for my tummy.

longweight, I can assure you that with your 32G breasts in a beautiful bra he is not going to be looking at your stomach.

You need a matching(ish) thong for the bra and a floaty, chiffon-type short negligee type thingy as a sexy cover up and all will be fabulous.

LW.... 32G and you worry??? don't be silly and get on with it

I am slim as well, but have saggy breasts and lots of loose tummy skin. No man I had sex (ok, it was only 2 ) with after the birth of dcs ever seemed to mind. Seriously, it doesn't matter.
Your guy will be excited to have sex with YOU. He will not take a look at your stomach and go 'ewwww'. I promise.

Also if you think about entire female population- most of women after 35 had kids- do you think all their husbands/bfs/ons don't fancy them? That men are only able to get a hard on when doing it with 20 yos with taut skin and perky breasts?

Makeyourowndinner - you don't sound like a tw*t - just someone with a normal body (for the place she's at in her life) who is good at accentuating the positive with clothes & underwear. Good for you!
OP I once came out of a long term and unhappy relationship - and have to say that when I took the plunge again, it was fab! Just the novelty and romance of a new partner was great. Probably the most attractive thing about someone is when they are enjoying themselves with you. So I am sure it will be fine!

I would say as well to try and focus on how turned on by him you are. Because I reckon that will be far more important to him than what you look like (and anyway you sound gorgeous.) When he feels your enthusiasm and desire for him then he will be chuffed to bits, and in turn it will fuel his own desire.

That's my plan. When I find a man I like enough to want to go to bed with, I'm just going to go for it! I'm going to try to forget my insecurities about how I look and just concentrate on how I feel.

For the more risque ...

www.afterdark-sensations.co.uk/product_info.php/shirley-of-hollywood-lace-open-cup-teddy-2497-p-4323?manufacturers_id=12

I also have to add that keeping on underwear gives a great sexy surge of being in control, sexual confidence type feeling. I cannot emphasise how great it is. Advise this route for any women feeling a bit scared, shy, overweight, older, sagging etc. I promise you all - it does work.

Winny - I see other woman who have had kids and can still wear bikinis etc and just think that I'm one of the unlucky few. Also if I'd got this shape bearing his kids then that would be ok but it's ex dh who I had a child with and he was horrified by my wrinkly baggy skin and the way my breasts would hang if we had sex in certain positions.

My dimensions sound ok, look ok in clothes but stretch marks are deep from groin to above belly button, breasts ok but lost fullness so in most bras I get an empty bit at the top. Tummy is really wrinkly when I lean forwards. MrsP I will get those vests as would wear them anyway.

I love the risqué teddy, will need phone them for sizing advise. Would he not shit himself if first time I trotted up in that though?

Also what's the accepted style for lady garden hair now? Going to get waxed just in case.

You sound exactly like me, and it hasn't stopped my ex or DP wanting to have sex with me. Your ex is a twat who made you insecure.

FGS, stop worrying and trying to cover yourself up. Please. The guy will have you, in whom he presumably is very interested, naked in front of him. He will not be assessing the tautness of skin on your tummy.

Re pubic hair-don't know, I shaved it almost all off for DP and it turned out he liked more natural look. Go with what you're comfortable with, I think waxing just the edges is fine.

Got to go to bed, but will ask DP's opinion on the subject-he's a very nice, posh but blokey bloke iyswim (ok, that's a bit confusing, I guess )and has slept with lots of women- he's very reasonable in his opinions generally, so he'll be able to give a balanced view.

" Longweight - I have heard from lots and lots of different men that what matters most is confidence, being keen and having an open mind when it comes to sex.

Turn off the lights and light a couple of candles and invest in something like this. Coupled with the hold-ups, it is sexy. Additionally, it is short enough to allow access in different positions without you having to take it off.

Good luck!!

SA

Longweight - he is not going to shit himself. He is going to think 'WOW' and will be instantly hard! You will also have the confidence to be a sex goddess as you will not be worrying about body issues. Have you realised that the garment in question is also crotchless as well as cupless? You keep it on throughout - it's brilliant.

As you get to know him better and get more comfortable around him you may want to ditch the sexy undergarments. But I bet you (and him) won't.

I've ask DP and he said that:

1 The guy knows that you had children so won't be shocked

2 If he is shocked that means he's living in a la la land or is a twat so then you'll know he isn't a right guy anyway

3 It doesn't matter when you're with someone you're really into

Good luck