First sex after DH. Scared shitless

[longweight]

Last time I was dating I was 18, stretchmark free and didn't have any body hangups.

I have met someone who seems great, been dating for a month and I really fancy him. He has been living with his ex wife while they sold house/had joint christmas with kids and just moved into his own place.

All our dates so far have been public places but he has asked if I want to come to his new house and I'm terrified of the sex thing.

He's an athlete and very fit. I've seen photos of his ex and she is gorgeous/toned/pretty. I'm fit/healthy weight but without clothes it's not pretty.

We'd agreed to take stuff slowly but there is a lot of sexual chemistry and I really want to but scared he won't like me once he sees me naked.

Another bloke's perspective:
If you fancy him so much, make sure you show him - that will be the biggest turn on - nothing else will matter. Also sounds like you have the chemistry already - that REALLY is 99% of it for a bloke. Once you've connected, which it sounds like you have, it takes everything to another level (yes even for guys :) ). Life's too short to worry - hope it all goes well.

What is fingers and tops?

I'm trying not to think about this as building it up into something huge and my stomach is in knots, all gurgling and nervy.

Can I just say as well Longweight that I'm really flipping jealous!

It's not every day you find someone who you have great chemistry with. Enjoy him. You really really deserve this after the hammering your nasty ex gave your self esteem.

I hope you have a fabulous time. x

Any man that turns off due to body is not worth spending one single thought on

He will have a rough idea of what you look like naked, you are the one disappointed in your body, don't project that onto him

IME any man that gets to get naked with you will not be looking at any stretch marks or small sagging - and I say this as a size 18 with stretch marks that resemble a city centre road map and an over hang of excess fat left by cs and being very overweight

He will just be happy to be getting intimate with someone he really clicks with.

I wouldn't bother with sexy underwear to be left on, he wants to feel you and your skin, not nylon

The biggest turn on for a man is confidence, show him you fancy him and enjoy the moment

Have fun

My Great Aunt Christine gave me the best-ever sex advice. It was this:

When you're the only naked woman in the room, you're the only naked woman in the world!

I also agree with scaredoflove: Any man that turns off due to body is not worth spending one single thought on

Enjoy! Lucky you :)

General consensus seems to be I need to stop worrying then!

He rang earlier to see when I want to meet up. Think he may realise how scared I am as he said we can go for a drink or anywhere else if I would rather.

He then dropped into conversation that he's trying to play it cool but can't think of anything else but taking me to bed and that I can take things as slow as I want.

I've said I'll have coffee with him after training this week and we sort out going out from there.

Makeyourown - thank you. I need to just enjoy this and go with it but I like him a lot so it's clouding my ability to stay calm. Hopefully you'll be at this stage soon and I might have some been there done that advise!

Winny - your dp sounds lovely, bless him

Longweight Body-wise you sound exactly like me, except I'm jealous of your 32Gs

I have deep stretchmarks and wrinkly skin from my c-section scar to the top of my belly button and boobs 30D but lost a bit of fullness especially at top.

I realise how nervous you might be as I was when I met someone after my first child was born. Thankfully he always made me feel sexy and desirable in that way (although we have split now for other reasons). He never mentioned my stretchmarks although when pressed by me he did admit to noticing them when I first got naked but not in a bad way (his words).

Think it's cause I'm slim people sort of think you will be sort of toned when you take clothes off but it doesn't work like that after kids for some people - I have loads of loose skin at a size 10.

If your guy is worth it he will not care, he will be overjoyed that a woman he fancies is naked and alone with him . Only completely twatty men have exacting physical standards of beauty anyway (ime). Most men have a wide spectrum of what they find attractive in a woman.

Saying that I do think that wearing something which emphasizes your "good points" and covers the bits you are nervous about is a good idea.

Try dimmed lights, or candles - very forgiving

Those M&S vest tops are great - I have them too.

Or a "waist clincher" from the shapewear section of the "whatkatiedid" website.

The bra fitting lady told me that to give cleavage and give volume at the top you need a bra which a)fits properly b)pulls them together c)pushes them up but without too much padding

I would also second what another poster said about concentrating on how much you fancy him - he will love that!

Enjoy yourself and good luck x

Do you really pay that much attention to how things look when your naked with someone the first time? I kind of forget to look at it all! It doesn't have to be some slowed down striptease for him- the best ones I've had are new relationships where you don't expect or plan somethings going to happen, and you just end up tearing off each others clothes in a rush and getting down to it!

Besides, if your feeling self-concious, just look at his sex face- that should do the trick, men never look pretty then!

That's true, actually, what BreakOut says-ime at least. Not even in a new relationships-I find impromptu sex more fun even with DP.

Pity it's so cold now-otherwise I would be recommending a quickie on a park bench

I think you are underestimating your own attraction. If he fancies you .... he fancies you and will not be expecting a perfect body under clothes.

I think most men like interesting normal shapes rather than the boring sameness of the models.

I'd recommend soft lighting and sexy clothing and feel confident. I told my partner that it had been a while and I was lacking confidence and being a sensitive guy he was very very understanding and did not pressure me but built my confidence.

This sexy underwear business is totally bogus. The best underwear is the kind that matches the pattern on the bedroom carpet.

It's great that you've talked about sex before doing it. Maybe you could say "I've had kids and my body shows it. I want to hear you say that it's OK." You might ask about the fur, too. Lots of men actually like it 100% natural and will offer the same.

As a guy I can tell you this the fact that he is dating you means he finds you sexually attractive in fact he probably knew within 10seconds that he liked you, dating is to see if you are compatible for a relationship. Don't worry I am pretty sure that he won't care and will be far more interested in the fun parts

teiTetua - the underwear is for me

It makes me feel fantastic. I buy for me and no one else. I do love the impact on DP but it is about how it makes me feel. If I feel sexy... I am sexy. Simple

Hey, after i had my baby i was really body conscious, what helped me feel more confident was wearing some nice lingerie, ann summers do some nice bodices which totally hide those stretch marks ! He will think u've made effort and u'll look sexy for him, most men love the stockings etc but also u wont have ur anxieties of him seeing ur stretch marks, maybe a candle light bath together will help u relax and both feel closer together. Hope that helps u x

Can I just say that I really do know how you are feeling!

I split with my DH in August and in September rekindled a really special relationship from my past. But the 'new' man has not had children and had no previous experience of a woman post-children.

I was quite frankly horrified about the thought of subjecting anyone to my post pregnancy body so got very, very, very drunk. Luckily for me I have known the man in question for a looooong time and he was very understanding about the drunkedness but totally did not get why!

His opinion is similar to ItsGraceAgains Grandmas, he won't be horrified at all, quite the opposite!

Anyway, things have moved on with me and my man and I can now take my clothes off with the lights on etc

Another man here, as has already been said, you'll be fine!

Frankly with 32G boobs you'll be lucky if he notices you have a face let alone anything else!

:)

Well a date has been set!

He texts me usually a few times in day and these were getting quite suggestive. I'm not brave enough to say anything face to face or on phone so I replied to say I was very nervous about it all but very keen. He was really lovely and said I shouldn't be, that he can't wait and is really excited as he thinks I am gorgeous.

We met for a drink tonight and he said shall we wait a bit longer and I've said lets have a date night next week and take things from there.

Honestly the last time I shagged someone new I got bladdered and dragged him home without a second thought. That was horrible ex dh so prob not the way to do it but I can't help but feel I'm making too big a deal if this.

Ex has got dc next week so I'm meeting him in town from work. I have a week to panic now!

Thanks for starting such a great thread OP, was in same boat as you a couple of years ago and posted about it! Stayed with said guy for a while and he ended up calling me the "ultimate sex goddess"!

Am back in the dating game again, and have had sex again recently and I was nervous again but he seemed to love my body. Mrs Cynical, fantastic advice on keeping something on, my mate has just spent a fortune on corsets for same reason and inspired me to buy some. I did wonder about what to say if the guy asked me to take it off but will remember your line.

OP, I am 34G and hate taking my bra off in bed, they get everywhere! But as someone said, if you have such great tits, he sure ain't going to be looking anywhere else! Just try to relax and be as passionate as you want - men love an uninhibited woman and most couldn't care less about saggy bits. I'm just sorry you were with one who did.

I hope you really enjoy yourself you lucky girl!

Mrs pickles I got this but with the thong, will be wearing blouse/pencil skirt as at work first so ordered some hold ups instead of tights and will have high heels.

The bra is good, slight padding under means I don't get emptiness at top but doesn't make them look huge.

Not sure if even going to his house now, he said he wants to surprise me with something nice.

I am giddy with excitement at prospect of shagging him, poor fucker won't know what's hit him!

Have fun!!

Have fun Longweight!

Have lots of fun Longweight!!

I think I have blown it.

Saw him at training for first time since we started seeing each other (hadn't been introduced until social thing cast month) and was a complete twat.

I'd noticed him before but not paid loads of attention. Today I did and his muscles had muscles. I was so intimidated, was also embarrassed as not told anyone there we are dating but suspect some might have seen us at social chatting/flirting so felt really self conscious.

Most of all I felt really wobbly/unattractive, was struggling to breathe then as everyone left he waited to say hi and I just pulled a face and dashed out the door.

I texted to say sorry and he replied not to worry but would it have hurt to just say hello. I replied again and he didn't respond.

I'm such an idiot. How hard is it to say hi to someone who has been nothing but lovely to me.