The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Carry On Past The Park Bench!

[HammerMouseOfHorrors]

Hello

I'm Mouse and one of the Brave Babes on the Battle Bus.

The bus is never full and you'll find a real mix of people on board, all with the same goal.

To take control of their drinking. Whether that's to stop completely or cut right down.

Everyone is welcome to get on the bus at any point. You will receive a warm welcome and plenty of support.

Some come meet the others.........

The journey so far.

JWN's original thread

Thread two

Thread three

Thread four

Thread five

Thread six

Thread seven

Thread eight

Thread nine

Thread ten

4 girls

daddy sorry if my post made it seem that its a similar position for you - I know that you said you are not scared of DH, so sorry if it was a bit full on.

didn't meant to turn your situation into memory lane for myself.

so, tell me about those DTs? how are they doing? got you wrapped round their little fingers yet? DD learnt the art of manipulation very early on [hsmile] DH and I talking about having another but we keep changing our minds...

Mouse have PM'd you xxx

Am going to send off for the Allen Carr book. His methods helped me quit smoking so I am quietly hopeful he can help me stay off the booze.
DP thinks because I often go days without a drink and manage to look after the kids that I don't have a problem. Clearly I do as once I start I am usually unable to stop.
For me te logical step (for now) has to be to not have a drink.
I feel no temptation or craving at the moment but I expect that is more down to sheer exhaustion and flu symptoms.
I have tried to speak to my mother about my drinking. She is also a binge drinker and the daughter of an alcoholic but she also reckons I just need to reign it in and moderate my intake.
I know I can't do that. I have tried so many times. It is hard when family keep offering you drinks then seem amazed/annoyed/pissed off when I end up in a state.
I am thinking about me and stopping for me for now.
Daddy, I had an ex-boyfriend who was very mentally controlling. He was so jealous he once locked me in our hotel room on holiday abroad because I'd apparently "oggled a bloke on a scooter and made him look like a twat"...I had no idea what he was talking about!
He almost broke me. I only see how truly horrible he was to me now looking back.
Thinking of you.

aw,poor DT1. Calpol is a wonder though isn't it? the DTS are lucky in that they will always have each other. I would have loved twins first time round.

DD is in nursery 3 days per week but I still struggle. No magic solution am afraid. Re-writing to do lists? [hgrin] The fear of financial insecurity?

little Gee is 2 and a half and does not want a sibling. She wants me all to herself! When I ask she says no, or that I am her brother as well as her mummy. She hates me going near babies, just holding one results in a meltdown and if her friends come near me she shouts MY MUMMY! I worry that she might want a sibling in the future though. And I think it would be good for her. Its funny, I think she would be a better little sister though. I was very close to my sister growing up and I really want that for madam.

on the flip side, I had two mc last year and went a bit bonkers when we tried again this year, i was very obsessive about it all. When I had the mc, I kind of made peace with just having the one (and I know that I am very lucky having her). DH is also very woried that we would go through that again. And DD and I are so close (Dh says co-dependent - which is true) that I worry that we would lose that ... although its healthier in the long run. I have already planned to move to Uni with her when / if she leaves home!!

And twins run in my family ... DH lives in fear of twins

desire i wish, got two little girls here!

Luci my DH was the same for a while but he got there in the end. He saw me try and fail a few times and realised that I can't do moderation. What helped (or not) was telling him the thought processes I have - he saw me drink too much and though - easy, drink less. Once I explained how I feel, that I would sit there each night plotting how to get more drink and drinking on the quiet he realised that it was about more than one less drink.

wasindie I am ok about the mc now. due dates have been and gone which gave me 'closure'. I am not very good at doing things by halves, so I kind or obsess or do nothing. Its just not in my nature to do anything else! But... i might try that in the new year. DD very territorial. But the problem is that she picks up that I am ok with that - I am probably the same with her. She has given my world a centre. I always think that on the day she was born, I was too. Life was very ugh before then but as soon as I was pregnant (and moreso when she was born) I felt ok for the first time ever. I gave up a lot of the fight, anger and hurt, it was like I was allowed to be here, validated at last. That probably sounds a bit crazy.

Everyone asleep ??

hey back here.
not much to add today - luci try and get as much support here and help in rl that you feel you need. Do you think it's just that your dp doesn't see it, or that he truly doesn't think there is a problem? I know if dh could see what i am posting he would say i am blowing my drinking (apart from everything else) totally out of proportion - I too find moderation very difficult.

That julia roberts movie was sleeping with the enemy and yes, I really do feel like that eggshells feeling a lot of the time. Almost just wondering what mood he's going to be in when he gets home - not violent but angry etc. The mornings are the best time for us now - it's a finite time till 8am when we all leave the house either for work (him) or school run (me) - it's the evenings i hate.

am here (just). watching the spending review cuts and trying to work out the impact on my work and clients. aaaargh.

still, 2 and a half hours till I get a cuddle with DD.

daddy I don't know what to say but it sounds shit to be in that position. (am not great at real hugs, so do an embarassed shuffley sort of hug).

daddy - you can't continue to live like this. I wish you would seriously consider leaving this man.

How utterly horrid to be scared/worried/nervous to be in your own home with this man. A confined space?

I'm not sure how you will ever change him. He's not for changing from where I stand. Get help and get out. xx

MsGee I'm the same with hugs - kind of hug / pat thing thanks though.

It's not scared I don't think - worry, nervous and dread are all pretty accurate. I agree that he's not for changing - I knew he was a bit like this when I met him but he has got worse and worse - we never had any of the drunken stuff before we were married. Now I'm getting my head round my drinking, and controlling it, I'm getting my head round everything else and trying to piece myself and my brain together to deal with it. My parents arrive in early November and Dh is in London for one of the weeks they are here - I think I will have a chat with my dad and sound him out that if we needed to stay for an extended period of time would they help out (they're a bit odd sometimes - my mum is just as likely to say that they don't have enough space because it would mean packing up her sewing room or antique dolls collection for a couple of months so the boys had space...). Also on a stupid level I'm sure I worry that ds1 would not have a school place if we moved back. I need to start sorting all these things out in my mind before I even think of doing anything. Exit strategy may be started while parents are here.

thanks ladies - even if i do end up staying where I am I am drawing so much support from the thread that I am strong enough to consider it, I just need to work it all out. little steps.

daddy - I agree. Completely. If you have the luxury of time, most women don't, you should plan your departure. You would be foolish not to.

One thing I would say is prioritise. School's not really an issue. Yours and the boys safety is. A roof over your heads.

When you are ready to leave, when you feel that you can, please post a new thread in the Relationships topic, as well as posting in here to us, because there are some fantasticly strong women on this site that can help you.

They have been through abusive relationships, fled and are now safe and happy. Lots of different examples of amazing women and they will help you all that they can.

But you have to be ready to leave. In the meantime, keep posting here and we will all help you in anyway we can. [hsmile]

thanks Mouse - now that I've got it straight in my head that it is abusive - I honestly think of a safety issue if it is physical abuse - i don't feel unsafe per se, but I see that there is a real issue for the future and how the boys grow up viewing life, behaviour, women etc.

Now lets get back to Gerald - I'm on day 3 this week and still going strong!

daddy - You are doing great with your drinking. 3 days is great going. And each day that you do from here on in will be easier.

You will start to sleep better too! Sober sleep is wonderful.

Daddy the abuse I suffered at the hands of my ex-husband was mental and emotional abuse in the main, however after a family wedding he physically attacked me in front of all my children and only for the presence of my niece in the room there is no doubt that he would have caused me serious harm (his exact words to me after throwing and dragging me round the room and ending with his foot on my neck were (I would ... kill you only ... is in the room)
So take the advice on here, plan your getaway even if that getaway is twenty years from now.

desiretochange thank you. I need someone like you to really make me realise that this could quite possibly be only the beginning.

Mouse I'm happy drinking wise at the moment to go Monday to Friday and if I slip and have a glass at the weekend that's ok - it's a whole heap better than a bottle a night, and 2 a night on friday, saturday and sunday (because sunday is still the weekend...)

And I am sleeping better. so much better. and not fuzzy in the mornings

*Daddy" your drinking plan sounds great. Although I usually only drink at weekends Frid-Sund evening, I cannot just have one or two....unless we're talking bottles per night.
Am so sorry you are having such a rough time with your DH.

You and your boys deserve so much better.
Thinking of you.
Am quite happy with sparkling water, The Apprentice and my guilty pleasure, The Only Way is Essex tonight.
Have a peaceful, calm and sober evening babes. X

Hello everyone

Got DH to try to relax today, it was the most beautiful clear and cold day and he cycled to the top of Arthur's Seat and feels better I think, thank you for all your help today

daddy please let me know, if you need the number of my friend in Joburg, she'd be round there in a shot for you if you needed help. And even if you just need someone to chat to (I won't tell her any history) and make friends with, she is fantastic.

Hope everyone else well. Luci you sound great.

• tonight its 2 weeks since my last beer -

Trying to quit smoking now using lozenges for the first 6 days after which I will go cold turkey..

Next up getting back in to shape properly and actually make an effort to do what I always wanted and that's to run a marathon and have a look at maybe doing a tri at one point ..

Not drinking means the beer gut is melting away like ice for the sun.. But most importantly I'm feeling human again - life sucks some days but on the whole I am a much happier person as I am far better equipped to deal with life's ups and downs when not suffering a hangover and or a coke come down :)-

Hello Babes
I have been lurking for a while, but I think it is time I jumped on board if you will have me. Like so many others I have tried and failed many times to get a grip on my addiction, I hope that this 'declaration' will give me extra strength this time.
Thanks for the help and inspiration you have given me so far.

Today I will not be drinking.