The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Carry On Past The Park Bench!

[HammerMouseOfHorrors]

Hello

I'm Mouse and one of the Brave Babes on the Battle Bus.

The bus is never full and you'll find a real mix of people on board, all with the same goal.

To take control of their drinking. Whether that's to stop completely or cut right down.

Everyone is welcome to get on the bus at any point. You will receive a warm welcome and plenty of support.

Some come meet the others.........

The journey so far.

JWN's original thread

Thread two

Thread three

Thread four

Thread five

Thread six

Thread seven

Thread eight

Thread nine

Thread ten

Morning desire - hope you had a peaceful night too. Lovely drive through the snow to work this morning!

Morning! Peaceful night here!

wasindie your poem brought tears to my eyes. Can I believe for a bit longer that you're carol ann duffy?? I love her. Am v jealous you've even sat near her!

Right, battling small toddler - standing before me with her hands on her hips. Give me strength...

Hi christi so sorry to hear about your concerns about your DH - Would he go and speak to his GP?

Oh Christi, your poor DH:( Think the two of you should have a "duvet day" and just relax and recharge the batteries:)

yes but he'll only go if it's a certain doctor, she's very busy. But one very good thing is that he wants me to come with him so i can explain what i am seeing too.

desire i wish, got two little girls here!

That's really good christi, better to wait a wee while to see a doctor that your DH trusts and will hopefully take some time with him. When my 2 were little and I was run down/knackered I used to go to the cinema with them in the afternoon so that I could get a sleep!

morning everyone. well it seems like it's all unravelling here bit by bit. last night's blow up was because I wasn't right at the security screen to let him in when he got home. There is a security issue with this and he had to sit outside the gate for about 30 seconds. But the reason I wasn't there was because ds2 had got out of bed and i was rushing to put him back in because i knew I didn't have much time. Cue huge blow up when he got into the house, and not letting me say even what I was doing - not sitting around scratching my arse, actually putting a child back into bed. Pisses me off. We are having difficulties but there seems to be no effort whatsoever on his part to want to try / be civil or reasonable. I have some girlfriends coming over for pizza and a movie on Thursday and I'm really looking forward to it because it means he will have to be civil that evening (it's girls he works with)

terrified hello and welcome - everyone on the bus is lovely and supportive and caring. My birthday is Halloween so that's a big weekend for us as well. Not in drinking, just busy I mean.

silver so many good thoughts and wishes for your mum and for you - the pressure must be huge, so support is here whenever you need it or can get a moment to get it.

wasindie not just tears to my eyes, pouring down my cheeks.

antichristi sounds like you are taking charge there today which is great. why has your DH started to self prescribe (cut down on his own I mean) - is he like most of us that know best? I don't mean to sound flippant but I'm the first one with amateur diagnoses and changing medication around at the drop of a hat...

Here's to a good day today for everyone - I've got a lot to get through (although dh now seems to think it's ok to treat my like on of the secretaries at his office, something his dad does to his mum ), and just hoping that this evening is better than last night.

Christi sorry x posted with you. I hope that you can get to the GP soon with DH. When I was on AD a locum GP told me to just come off them and it was horrible, I was pretty much as you described your DH. I went back to normal GP and they sorted out a proper plan for me to come off them and we had a good chat about why I felt I was ready to cope (although had to go back to full dose for a wee while) which worked much better. I found that they days I didn't take them were really tough - and it was noticeable to everyone around me. Can you get him to take the AD today at normal dosage - or even one? It might help.

daddy your post makes me so sad, that you are looking forward to people coming over so that you feel safe in your own home. You know that is not right. I wish I had some sensible advice but keep posting on here. Get sober and get out of there. please. In the meantime perhaps you can get some help (women's aid do an email service) - I used to work with a helpline and much of the work is helping people with a plan to just feel safe in their own homes. They can help you work out a strategy for the times that there is a blow up. hope what i have said doesn't offend.

silver hope you had a good night's sleep, am thinking of you and your mum. x

mouse are you awake yet?

witchety desire wasindie big hellos to you. Red where are you?? don't disappear on us again. Lucil are you ok? am thinking of you. venus are you still in delhi? or travelling? MIFLAW where are you?

I am ok and gearing up for the big move on friday. Buyers DP has ordered me out of the house by noon [hangry]so she can get it professionally cleaned. Rude on both counts I think. Given DH OCD tendancies our house is actually v clean! My mum (aka drinking buddy) is over tmrw. I am not projecting but a bit worried. Still, we have today to get through first...

and today, I shall not be drinking.

Thanks MsGee - my Mum will be OK - it's her heart and she's 74 but looks 60 and I think we've all had a massive shock - but it can be treated with drugs - the problem will be getting her to slow down - she doesn't do slow!!

However the good news is that having been given the perfect opportunity to get 'legitimately' rat-arsed I haven't - I did have a bottle of wine last night when I got back from the hospital but that was more than enough and I had no urge to go and get a second. Which for me is huge progress. And even though I don't feel as good today as I would if I had drank nothing I still feel able to cope with stuff. So Hurah

Wasindie - top poem.

Daddy {{{{hugs}}}}}

Mouse

all of you are fantastic.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

MsGeepers of course you haven't offended . It's not that I don't feel safe, it's that I don't know how much more of the yelling I can stand, and feeling like crap. I actually just feel like saying, if he comes home and blows up at all, that I'm just going to go to bed and sleep in the boys room. I don't feel scared that he would ever hit me - it's verbal and psychological with him.

yes MIFLAW where are you?

MsGeepers that's completely rude on both counts - lets just hope that their payment has hit your solicitors by noon otherwise there's no way she is even allowed to get into the house then.

silver - you take after your mum in the always on the go stakes eh? [hgrin]
well done for not opened the second bottle. I'll ignore the bit about the first bottle

daddy I know from experience that the verbal and psychological abuse can be just as bad. You still live in a state of perpetual fear / feeling on edge. My first ever boyfriend was like that and by the end it was impossible to know my own mind. By then I would have been relieved if he had hit me (i know that sounds awful) but it would have provided the impetus to walk away, get support, have people know that he was crazy. As it was, I couldn't explain things to people and felt that I was just crazy / a bad girlfriend / confused.

However, I strongly believe that even at a young age he targeted me (or stayed with me) because I was more vulnerable to his shite. So I stayed with him and at the age of 14, I learnt to believe that it was ok to be groped in front of other people, that it was ok to leave be left out alone in the dark because "i wasn't worth raping", that it was ok to be yelled at for exposing lies and questioning aggression.

Psychological abuse tears you down in the same way that physical abuse does. And in many cases its a precursor to physical abuse. When you can't fight back mentally, you don't have the energy or clarity of thought to fight back physically. By then you believe you are crap anyway, so it doesn't matter. daddy you sound strong and you know what you need to do. Drop the booze and you can make the choices to change your life.

Some people like to break other people. They are weak and broken themselves. Being sober will not fix it but it does give the head space to think things through more clearly, rather than lurching from one bottle to the next. Without the haze of alcohol I would have made many different decisions in my life. I could have had the chance been strong, I could have believed that I was a good person, that I didn't need to put up with another person granting and taking away appoval of me, that my self esteem came from within.

On the bus I have the chance to sort out all of these things.

Gee confessional and outpouring done. Sorry for off loading. My biorhythms must be set to 'outpouring of emotion and memories' this week.

ps daddy my plan is to set my toddler on the new owner if need be. A massive tantrum leaving snot trails for miles should sort her out
[hgrin]

boooiiiing!, thats me jumping on board! [hgrin], sorry i havent been about much, im ok, have just been a bit of a mismog! and i didnt think any of you deserved to catch it!, my dm reckons its the start of 'your change of life, dear' (she says while hoicking a busom!) [hgrin], personally i think i have just had the hump!

anyway - welcome terrified!!, sounds like you need a bit of a hug!, hop on and stay with us!

wasindie - your poem made me cry! , you are a very articulate woman!

daddy!, i have nothing to add that the others have not already said expect to say, PLEASE try and stay sober, it sounds to me like your dcs will need YOU to protect them as they get older if you stay with this man, cos as soon as they can answer back they will get the same treatment as you!

back later my lovleys, must go and get ready for work!

morning all! didn't sleep well which is what i get for drinking last night!
will try again today. I mean, will try NOT to, not try to drink again IYSWIM
Bloody cold here, someone turn the heater up!

Morning all.

I had a wnoderful sleep snuggled between Silver and MsGeepers. I felt all safe and warm.

Silver - are you seeing your mum again today? Huge hugs to you xx

Christi - Oh dear re your DH changing his meds unsupervised. A decrease is far worse than an increase. Please be careful. He could become very eratic and lash out as the chemical balance in his brain changes.

I hope you can get him to the doctor that he will see asap.

Wasindie - I heart you. Your poem was wonderful. It's like I could hear you saying it too me. xx

Zombie - hello! Nice boooiiiiiing! [hgrin]

daddy - I hope that you are okay this morning, we were all quite frank with you yesterday. [hblush]

No sleep here last night, Nemo still has a cold. I need to get my flu jab sorted too. HIs nurse is coming to day and I know hpw disappointed she'll be that his reflux is as bad as ever.

Hello to everyone else and Red if you are out there, come say hi.

Is MIFLAW sulking? He normally always pops in when we have new Babes on board! Where are you MIFLAW?

Good morning everyone. Here's to day 3 of sobriety. Have not thought about drink at all since the weekend. Maybe because I have got a rotten cold and ache all over. Not sleeping well as DC2 is ill too and has been intermittently awake and crying throughout the last two nights.
I have little to contribute. DP thinks I'm being ridiculous for considering AA...this is despite me being honest with him about my drinking.

He is of the "just get a grip and drink normally" school of thought.

He even offered me a beer on Monday night.
He is adamant he will not mind the girls whilst I "swan off to some meeting I don't need to go to and wallow in self-pity when really I just need to drink in moderation.
We have no one else to look after them. DD2 is with me all the time as is not at nursery yet.
I am kind of relieved in a way as I don't want to go to AA. I want to believe I can do it by myself.
That said, if I f**k up again I will be talking to my GP.
Not posting much but have been reading all of the threads right back from the first one and it is really helping me feel less alone, less of a pathetic human being and much more supported.
I am hanging on to my seat on the bus but am just going to daydream out of the window and listen to everyone else for now.
Welcome to all the newcomers on board.

Lucil,I was with my counsellor (get me:))the other day and she suggested AA. I must have looked at her funny because she then said that she wasn't saying that I was an alcoholic but that I had "developed a dependency on alcohol" to suppress my feelings and deal with day to day shit stuff. Perhaps you could say to your DP that you are uncomfortable with how dependent you have become on alcohol to get you through all the shit rather than ask him to accept that you are an alcoholic . . am I making sense?

Monring Luci

How wonderfully supportive of your DH [hhmm]

I really hope that you can do this alone (without the aid of AA or your GP now that you DH has made his feeling very clear) but if not, then please do go and see your GP.

Just as a starting point. There is lots of help out there in many different forms. You can have a think about what might be right for you.

No-one is going to try and force you to do anything that you don't want to.

And your seat on the bus is ALWAYS yours.

Sorry Luci - DP not DH.

WELL DONE Luci - that is fanbloodytastic xx

Mouse - my Mum being discharged today which is fab so now I just have to battle with her to make her SLOOOOOOOW down - are straightjackets available on the internet - I wonder............... xxx

Luci, have you looked at the Allen Carr book? Are you going to drink today? What can you do to deal with wanting to have a drink? JWN says fuck the fuck off, etc.

Daddy, your marriage made me think of a film starring Julia Roberts, about an abusive controlling husband. All the tins had to be facing the right way, etc. I think it was the 'whispering in the ear'. And exploding about waiting for you to let him in, etc. Unless he changes in a big way, I don't think you will stay with him. Focus on your kids and controlling your drinking for now. But as another poster who left with her 3 girls said (was it her?, also ex-drinker, I think), Plan Your Exit Strategy. Keep posting.

Plenty of women would refuse to be treated like this. You are getting worn down. I am so glad you are posting here. Psychological abuse is abuse.

Maybe slip something into her tea? [hwink]

Does she realise just how serious this is Silver? I know how active she is normally but she needs to rest doesn't she. Bless her.

Here if you need me xx