The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Carry On Past The Park Bench!

[HammerMouseOfHorrors]

Hello

I'm Mouse and one of the Brave Babes on the Battle Bus.

The bus is never full and you'll find a real mix of people on board, all with the same goal.

To take control of their drinking. Whether that's to stop completely or cut right down.

Everyone is welcome to get on the bus at any point. You will receive a warm welcome and plenty of support.

Some come meet the others.........

The journey so far.

JWN's original thread

Thread two

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Daddy, yes he is being an idiot and yes there are no excuses for the way he is treating you but you have to find your own way through this and whatever you decide we will all be here.

Well said, desire.

How are you doing yourself, btw?

Daddywillbehomesoon You have to make plans for your exit. You can NOT live like this. It is terribly destructive. Are you in South Africa atm, or am I muddling you up with someone else?
I too have a terrible relationship with dh, but we are seeing a counsellor at the moment, and making changes in the ways we communicate. My dh is also emotionally abusive, and had actually reached the point of banging in to me 'by accident'. The first visit to the counsellor, he (the counsellor) said that he accepted it was abuse, and that if we had come to him via relate he would not be able to see us. The other thing he sadi about abuse is that it escalates. Guarantee. DH disagreed with this as he doesn't or didn't understand that what he does is abuse.
I stopped drinking for LOADS of reasons, I wanted my life back, but also in no small way because I know full well that when the time comes for me to finally leave dh, he will use anything and everything against me.

You MUST stop drinking. It is another weapon he uses against you, even though you may not realise it. You can see the poisonous effects it has on him. You need to keep your head.

Stopping drinking will not heal your relationship, far from it, but it will provide you with the clarity and intelligence to know what to do and how to do it.

I know I'm a boring old hag about this, but would you like me to send you a copy of the Allen Carr book?

it is extraodrinary how many of us have stayed on abusive relationships. Mine was full of champagne, cocaine, first class flights... And abuse. And low self esteem. And that trap of 'you'll never be able to find anyone after me, you're lucky to have me'...

it is extraodrinary how many of us have stayed on abusive relationships. Mine was full of champagne, cocaine, first class flights... And abuse. And low self esteem. And that trap of 'you'll never be able to find anyone after me, you're lucky to have me'...

it is extraodrinary how many of us have stayed on abusive relationships. Mine was full of champagne, cocaine, first class flights... And abuse. And low self esteem. And that trap of 'you'll never be able to find anyone after me, you're lucky to have me'...

it is extraodrinary how many of us have stayed on abusive relationships. Mine was full of champagne, cocaine, first class flights... And abuse. And low self esteem. And that trap of 'you'll never be able to find anyone after me, you're lucky to have me'...

oooops

ExDrinker thank you so much for your post. I think in my heart of hearts I know I need to be somewhere else, but I just have no idea where to start. Yes I'm the one in South Africa - we've been here since January and it was basically for us our make or break - DH was incredibly verbally abusive on a number of occasions before we came and the idea was that less going out would lead to less drinking. Ha.

If you could send me the book that would be amazing - I'll return it to you in the same condition, albeit read once more at least!

My self esteem is growing every day that I see myself not waking up with a fuzzy head, skin getting better (it was dreadful for the last two weeks before I got on the bus) and weight going.

even your name daddywillbehomesoon conveys some of the fear you must be living in

I'm so pleased you are feeling stronger in yourself now you've taken control of your drinking. You're a strong brave woman. Onwards and upwards! X

I can definitely send you the book, but I can'tr think of a way of doing it. I don't really want to post my email addy on this thread. Hmmm. I used to have that CAT option, but not sure how to set it up now. Anyone have any ideas?

1. Quit the drink
2. Make a secret plan for your freedom.

I've done 1, but am stuck at 2. I need to sort out an income etc etc.

x

daddy have you made good friends in joburg one of my dearest friends i was at school with lives there. She has twin boys. If you need another strong brave woman for a friend, message me and i'll send you her contact xxxxx

exdrinker we have private messaging now, just click on 'message poster' on right hand side of banner with their name on it

ooh, how did that happen without me knowing?!
TheAntiChristi, I just lost a long message I was writing you, basically, yes, I too ended uup not getting around to leaving because I was having such a fine time.

exdrinker i've ordered the allen carr waiting patiently for it toarrive. Sorry to miss your longer message but hope that you feel stronger about sorting your relationship soon. Sadly abusive reltionships never improve for any longer than 20 minutes x

Hello,

Please bear with me as this may all be a bit jumbled...I'm not ready and/or brave enough to bag a seat on the bus - but would really appreciate your advice.

I've drunk heavily for 10 years pretty much. (Heavily being a bottle of wine a night or more - the occasionalperiod of time abstaining - week / month / 3-months (very rare!)

I also suffer from health anxiety, which causes me to be terrified every day about my health.

Around 9 months ago, I had a health MOT (Bupa assessement) which flagged an abnormal Liver Function Test Result - although it was not majorly abnormal (as the GP later reassured me).

With this result, I went to my GP and broke down, believing that I had finally ruined my health.

My GP (who is lovely btw but I do wonder if she thinks I'm a mad cow!) referred me for an ultrasound and further bloodtests.

These came back fine. The ultrasound proved totally normal.

Since then, save for a few weeks of alcohol here and there, I have continued to drink heavily.

Every time a part of my body aches or I get a stab of pain (under ribs), I'm convinced my liver is giving up.

I guess what I wanted to know is whether in the space of 9 months your liver could go from 'appearing to be undamaged' to 'irreperably damaged'? (still drinking between 1 and 2 bottles of wine per night )

Please don't think I'm drinking on regardless. Every day I attempt to address the problrem. (Have bought Alen Carr Ex-Drinker and am trying to finish this to tie in with a weekend of excess that will be happening over Halloween). I'm slighly disheartened by the fact I've tried to give up smoking his way and failed.

Am drowning in guilt and fear and my health anxieties mean that I often think 'well I've fucked up my liver, what's the point', which doesn't help with my cutting down.

I guess I just want reassurance that I'm not past the point of no return. I'm not yellow(!) and I continue to hold down a demanding home-based job.

I'm so sorry if I sound mad - that's how I feel about my health most of the time

I've read most of your threads and identify sso much with all of you - I so wish my fears about my health wouldn't impair me so much as I'm pretty much seeing my destruction as a fait accompli.

Thanks for taking the time to read
x

sorry that should read weeks free of alcohol

Oh you poor thing. I'm in a hurry so only quick reply.

1. see cognitive hypno therapist re health anxiety.
2. Persevere with Allen Carr, it seriously could work for you. Don't be disheartened by the failure of the smoking book. Just do as he says and try not to reject it. Having doubts about whether it's going to work are completely normal. Alcoholism is such a huge big deal it's impossible to compute that it could effectively just stop after reading a book. The book woprked for me. It worked like a magic spell. There have been fleeting moments where I have been tempted, but not THAT tempted.

Back later

Thanks ExDrinker (am a bit in tears ).
Have to go now too but will check in later

terrified

Welcome to the bus. I'm Mouse. I've been here a while now.

All you have to do is take a seat once you're ready. No pressure, no judging, just us Brave Babes who have all been in your shoes.

And some still are. When you feel you can, come meet the others.

[hsmile]

Mouse I've PM'd you xxx

hey the rest of you - long bad day with Mum and hospital so can't chat but hiya to newcomers and junp on board.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi ex, you poor thing I can hear how terrifed you are coming across in your post.
How are you feeling now? A bit better I hope.

I haven't heard of allen carr's ex drinker, is it any good? I wonder if it's worth me giving it a try

terrified your liver can regenerate itself very quickly - it is an amazing organ - and if you stop drinking or cut down it will improve really quickly - don't use it as a reason to continue drinking because (and I am not a medical expert just going on what I know) I doubt very much the damage is permanent - you can make it better.

Here's you open ticket

xxxxxxx

Silver

Not got it..... did you send it to my current name? xx

Hi terrified, welcome aboard (even if just for a chat). If you are worried about the pain, then go back to your GP, tell her your concerns and ask for another test. That is the only way to really know. 1.5 bottles of wine per night is nearly 95 units per week - your liver is bound to suffer in the future if you keep drinking like this (although I have no medical background - it just seems like common sense?).

That said, the liver is a pretty amazing organ and is very good at repairing itself. And I would find it hard to imagine that your liver could be irreparably damaged in 9 months if your drinking patterns haven't changed since before the test. It seems that anxiety is a big issue as well and it must be a horrible vicious circle for you. I know that I am much less anxious since I have cut down. I really think a trip to the GP will help.

If after that you want to come aboard we can keep a seat for you - we are all in different stages of our journey and everyone is very supportive.

daddy you have been given lots of excellent advice here but i know that its a lot to take in. Get sober, then you can tackle everything else. Just know in the meantime that you are worth more than this, that it doesn't need to be your life. Drink is just another fucker controlling you and limiting your choices. Get rid of the controlling fuckers in your life one at a time. (and I don't say this flippantly).

mouse words fail me. your post made me cry. It tears me up that you had to go through that.

it saddens me that so many people here have been through abusive relationships. we have all discussed issues around control at different times on the board and it seems that the booze is just another thing that controls us. and makes it easier for others to control us.

stopping drinking can help us start to get back control in our lives. i used to think that by 'releasing' my worst self whilst drinking I was really in control. i wasn't. i used to think that when i drank to the point of being out of it and not being in control, it was good because at least then no-one else could control me. i could do that all by myself.

i didn't seemt to realise that there was another way that bite by bite i could learn to take responsibility for my life, to make the changes i needed to and be free from the abusive relationship with alcohol. alcohol did not remove any bad memories from my mind, it did not make me think i was an ok person, it did not stop me feeling 'bad' or alone, or ugly or unlovable.

i am in no way through this, hell, i even fell off the bus on friday. but i clambered back on immediately because I know that HERE is safe, that HERE is giving me an option of making choices, of having some control, some clarity of thought to make decisions in my life.

sorry for the rambling, just some thoughts.

(sorry to everyone who has posted in the last 45 minutes, its taken me ages to write this!!)