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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Carry On Past The Offy!!

977 replies

Mouseface · 09/10/2010 18:54

Well, this is our tenth thread so we are throwing a little party!

Everyone is invited! No booze of course, soft drinks and mocktails only!

I'm Mouse, hello. Smile

There are all kinds of drinkers on board the bus. Come and join the journey, whatever stage you are at, drinking, cutting down, wanting to stop or sober already.

Everyone is welcome to post here. Come say hi.

The journey so far is below.

JWN's original thread

Thread two

Thread three

Thread four

Thread five

Thread six

Thread seven

Thread eight

Thread nine

OP posts:
JaneS · 10/10/2010 13:48

Ooh, yes, elderflower is a favourite here!

Sadly, if I drink with dinner I just want more later on.

Whitenapteen · 10/10/2010 13:52

Sorry that should have read 'wine glasses full of Elderflower'.

munkymaz · 10/10/2010 14:01

LRD I totally agree on the 'planning' bit prior to a night out, I find when I have I am less likely to give in to temptation. If I'm really having a wobble, I'll offer to drive.

Mouseface · 10/10/2010 14:02

Good idea WNT

I did that to start, I felt cheated that I couldn't drink so I poured my juices into nice glasses. Made it feel a bit more special.

Also, make sure LRD that you have your soft drinks all ready made up so that all you have to do is open the fridge and pour.

DO NOT HAVE THE FIRST DRINK!! If you can not have that first drink, you'll be fine. Smile

OP posts:
Whitenapteen · 10/10/2010 14:10

Mouseface agree with having drinks ready to pour, but still struggle with the idea of paying £2 for a bottle of sparkling Elderflower presse (ready to drink not cordial) that will last me a couple of days even though I thought nothing of necking a bottle of wine a night costing much more whatever 3 for £?/5% off for 6 bottles etc deal was on offer.

munkymaz · 10/10/2010 14:29

WNT cordial and soda/sparkling water works brilliantly Smile

Mouseface · 10/10/2010 14:40

WNT - how mad is that!! If you add up how much you have spent on alcohol in an average year, I bet you'd be able to fund a wonderful holiday to pretty much anywhere in the world!!

Buy a car, do up the house, re vamp your enitre wardrobe......

Yet, you display your best Shock face at the price of some of the soft drinks on the market.

Brilliant!!

I buy Tesco pomegranate, apple and raspberry cordial, it's a high juice one and add tonic or diet lemonade. Stick it in a juice jug with loads of ice and pour into a tall glass.

Gorgeous. And now it's getting colder, you can experiement with the countless hot chocoalte drinks/malt drinks etc on the market these days!! Cream, marshmallows. chocolate sprinkles...... you name it!!

Desert in a cup. Heaven!

OP posts:
Whitenapteen · 10/10/2010 15:16

Mouseface as with all 'hobbies' (and to make me feel slightly less guilty about one of the very many bad sides to my drinking) I have adopted the 'best never to add up what it cost financially' policy! Am now on to my new hobby of sobriety and it is challenging and will cost what it costs but not at the expense of my self esteem and the happiness of DH and DCs. I have learned that that is a cost too high.

dementedma · 10/10/2010 15:50

Can i pick the brains of you more experienced travellers. I am ready to battle the booze and had only soft drinks last night for the first time in years. but today, I have done nothting but think about wine and drinking, its as if it knows battle has been joined and it has upped its game! I have tried to keep really busy today - even done some fricking gardening which I hate - and am drinking soda and cordial as I type but i want alcohol!
also,I went online and found a unit counter and diary thingy and if there are really 9 units in a bottle of wine then i am too ashamed to post what my weekly total has been up to now Shock
So, already I'm thinking I'll do alternate nights rahter than go cold turkey but this is me bargaining with the devil already and weakening! How do you other people do it? I think I have 3 options;
stop completely for as long as I can and count the days
drink on alternate days, which will still be drinking too much but will reduce my weekly intake by a LOT
or
set myself a weekly unit total and drink as and when but stay within that. I need things to count, to see success and units might give a more visible success that days, IYSWIM. Even if I reduce my weekly units by just a few, it's still a few in the right direction....or am I kidding myself and wimping out because I know I won't get past one or maybe two days in a row?
Help please!

diabolik · 10/10/2010 16:48

- so far so good today --

tidied up some more
went for a swim
did weekly shop - scheduled all meals for the week instead of fast food we have been living on mainly for the last 7 weeks ..

Now need to start doing my emails and catch up but sort of feel better about tomorrow - so might just get up early ( 0600 ) and do them before I am off for the client visit ( around 0830 ) should be back around lunch timish

GF has been doing other chores and is taking on the garden - She is brave she is :) .. its a forest of crappy grass..

However she now uttered the words I didn't want to a hear - I fancy a bottle of wine - I remained non committed so to not encourage her also if she insists I am not going to buy it for her she can go and get it her self.

The day is nearly done and I am not drinking today

Whitenapteen · 10/10/2010 16:51

Dementedma Well done for yesterday and today so far. Take it minute by minute, hour by hour, whatever it takes.

I found drinking consumed a lot of thinking time but that has lessened over time but I still catch myself doing it. Most often it is 'how come my DH can have one glass of wine with dinner, have a drop more (I mean another quarter glass) then but the cap on and back it goes into the fridge'. I don't begrudge him the wine at all and have no urge to join him now, for today, and tomorrow will be dealt with tomorrow.

I too am driven by targets etc and would hold my hand up to being 'very in control' except with one glass of wine inside me at home. Then it all went out of the window - whatever deal I had made with the drink devil.

Before I stopped completely in June I had another non drinking period earlier this year. I stopped for Lent - old fashioned but I did it because I was worried about how much I drank and it was a way of stopping 'in public' and not having to find other reasons why I wasn't drinking. I spent the 40 odd days quietly obssessed with no of days thinking 'I haven't drunk for so many days, so many days to go or over half way and on the downward slope to Easter Sunday'. Got to Easter Sunday and drank reasonably at big family lunch. Started new regime at dinner with DH of one glass and then cap on bottle. Between Easter and beginning of June this escalated to previous drinking levels - bottle on the go in the kitchen for glass while getting dinner ready, share a different bottle over supper, kitchen bottle again for glass (who am I kidding) while clearing up. I so recognise the descriptions on earlier threads about knocking back a glass while going to top up our glasses, hiding the recycling, secretly urging DH to top up glasses during dinner....

What I had begun to figure out during Lent was that I could manage perfectly well with no alcohol, and what I figured out in the first week or so after was that the first glass of wine was my downfall. For me it has to be no alcohol, just for today.

I can only suggest you try to set your target for today then tomorrow set a target again. It is really easy to think - what about the next 'celebratory event', will I not drink? During Lent I managed a Birthday and Mother's Day and didn't find the celebration any less special. Since June I have been on holiday and did struggle with projecting - my little devil is 'but you never lose it in public so it will be fine to have one glass of champagne' but on the day I found it not too difficult to just say today I will not be drinking.

Don't know if any of this helps you but the bus is always welcoming and others may have more to offer.

munkymaz · 10/10/2010 17:49

dementedma I wish there was an easy answer or a magic wand to make it all easier, but there isn't,it is bloody hard work. I am on Day 2 (again!!) and I too am sat here thinking about a drink. I have however, managed to go the supermarket and not buyany wine, put on the tea without sneaking a whiskey and am watching a crap movie with a cordial and soda.....and yet, the thought of nipping down the shop is still popping into my hed. But I won't.....not today. Tomorrow, who know's, but for now, it's a no.
Personnaly, the making deals with yourself route doesn't work for me. If I were to do one night on, one night off.....it would end up every night. If I tried to stick to a unit limit.....I'd think 'fuck it',I'll start tomorrow. Only you can decide but I think you know deep down the best route to take.

diabolik sounds like you have a plan for today.....stick to it Smile

munkymaz · 10/10/2010 17:52

dementedma for what it's worth, my weekly units are ususally 100+ Shock......definitely not good for body or soul

dementedma · 10/10/2010 18:11

100+? thank you munky, and seeing as you are indeed a brave babe my units are about - deep breath - 50.Blush
Wow, I said it!
If you don't mind me asking, would that be around two bottles of wine a night for you, or is something else your poison?
forgive me if I'm being nosy - it is such a relief to be able to talk to people about this instead of hiding it.
Whitenapteen - thanks for your story.
got to taxi DD2 out now so that will pass a little more time.

diabolik · 10/10/2010 18:19

MM - agree re making deals - been there done that - I will only drink at such and such party / Bank holiday etc. or I will only drink on week-ends .. .but with in weeks with no exception I can hear the beer o'clock bell every night .. and find excuses to get down the local earlier and earlier ... and the only 2 will always mean 6 - 8 pints on an empty stomach with a couple of tequila's on top for good measure because they seem such a good idea at the time ..

GF keeps hinting ... I am keeping schtumm ..now mentioning a friend that has a FB status of 'at the pub'

Waiting for the "we always go when you want to" recriminations .. ( sic and she is right I am / was a persistent Bastard )

I am not drinking to day - dinner in 45 minutes ...

munkymaz · 10/10/2010 18:23

demendtedma my poison is what ever I feel like at the time but usually wine (1-2 bottles in an evening) or at the weekend beers (real ale natch!, strong? oh yes! Old Peculiar or something of that ilk) maybe a bottle or 3 and then sometimes often topped up with a whisky or two (my drug of choice!)

Cutting down is hellish, giving it up is the only way I can me winning.

I do have half a bottle of Pimms and some Nolly P in the cupboard, been there for months but as I don't resort to that, does that mean I'm not an alcoholic Wink

munkymaz · 10/10/2010 18:28

diabolik stick to your guns fella Smile

Can you not tell GF you're having a quiet one, busy day tomorrow and all that?

diabolik · 10/10/2010 18:44

MM - never stopped me before so no .. any way ... I am not drinking tonight she can if she wants to I'm not joining in that's all.

munkymaz · 10/10/2010 18:55

diabolik Good on you, stay strong Wink

Rightpickle · 10/10/2010 19:25

Hello.

Booze free last night and tonight. This evening I even managed to make a chianti beef casserole without nicking a glass.

Panic is still there, but less than ever.

WasindieNial · 10/10/2010 19:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

munkymaz · 10/10/2010 19:51

pickle I bow down to you, in my kitchen the chianti would be long gone Wink

Is this Day 2 for you .....?

Rightpickle · 10/10/2010 19:55

Hi muz

No, I'm genuinely happy to say I'm now entering my third mostly sober week.

I know I don't say a lot on the threads, but that's because I'm concentrating very very hard. This is a lifetime's with of fuck ups I'm trying to overcome here. I'm very grateful for the bus. Very!

hippychicky · 10/10/2010 19:58

Evening everyone - I know the bargaining with myself doesn't work for me - it was the same whe I gave up smoking. As soon as I started to have the conversation in my head, the " just do it, it's only one, you're so much more in control than you used to be, oh well one more won't do any harm, you can always get back on the straight and narrow" voice won.

For me, the key is not to have that conversation, as soon as it starts distract, distract distract.

Good news diabolik - keep focusing on yourself - this is your battle, and tough though it is it doesn't involve anyone else.

ExDrinker · 10/10/2010 20:05

Lucilastic Weird, my H was the same, in denial about me having a drink problem, and very disparaging about the book. I think selfishly he was worried he'd lost his drinking partner! I didn't discuss the book with him at all because I knew he'd tear it apart. I think ehilst he didn't think I had a serious problem, he did know I drank too much, and he didn't really believe I would stop. Now I think he's a bit worried I've stopped forever, which to all intents and purposes I have, but I don't need to tell him that. Good luck.

Dementedma You sound like you've reached a similar point to what I did. I had actually cut down to the level where I didn't drink Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday nights. I guess it was good to give my body a bit of time off, but of course in my case the fact that I was setting myself the test of abstaining (which I often failed) was only further indication of having a problem. One Thursday I suddenly realised it was a drinking night, and I whooped loudly and punched the air. DD1 saw me and asked if it was Christmas! I remember thinking 'no, it's better than that!'. I hope I don't drive you all mad harping on about this, but I feel compelled to tell you about the book I read because it has changed EVERYTHING! I haven't had or really wanted a drink since finishing the book on 16th August. www.amazon.co.uk/Allen-Carrs-Easy-Control-Alcohol/dp/0572028504