The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Carry On Past The Brewery!

[Mouseface]

Hello.

I'm Mouse and I've been on the bus for 2 months now and not fallen off it as yet. It's much more comfortable than The Wagon!

Anyway, this is thread number nine!

Everyone is welcome to join at any point of the journey, drinking or not, wanting to stop or just to cut down.

Jump on board, you won't be judged, just supported whatever you decide.

Here is the history of The Brave Babes if you want to have a read.

JWN's original thread

Thread two

Thread three

Thread four

Thread five

Thread six

Thread seven

Thread eight

Right You Lot - off to do my 30 (short) lengths of bad breast stroke (head held out of water like a complete t**t while others with very attractive caps and goggles leave me spluttering in their wake)

Then - sauna and steam room - I tell you I thought I would be the last one standing to be converted to exersise but I concede completely to the endorphins feel good factor.

Interviews for the position of driver will take place in approximately one hour. Please bring full clean driving licence and wash your hair if you are going to be trying my cap on....

key word there Mouse

SELF-RESPECT

say no more xxxxx

Diabolik

Solution - change your circle of friends - simples.

I'm not being trite but it might be something you should think about - if even just for the short term until you can think clearly.

Also - be honest with your GF - one of the main reasons I have got this far is because of the unending support of my DP and a complete and total fear of losing him to something as pointless and stupid as alcohol.

Hi Wasindie .. I wish that was an exception but it isnt .. Sad to hear about your friend suppose in the end it will catch up with all of us ( touches wood nothing so far ) -

As for competion with MIFLAW - I am starting to get intrigued with this notorious JWN :)

Silver - I'd love to do the driving for you but the thing is, I'm not too reliable what with Nemo.

Can I maybe try out for reserve driver? Cover any sick leave or holidays?

Hello to all, nice to see a packed bus. Sorry for x posts it's taking me ages to type this as I feed DD.

I'm up for driving. My pitch is
I'm a terrible driver and I need the pratice so won't mind backseat driving or others having a turn.
Also, when you return Silver, everyone will be so relieved you're back.

RED. Please get in touch, please. xx

JWN!! Oi Mrs!! Get your sexy tush over here and introduce yourself to our new young man!

Silver

No no your not being trite Your absolutely right re circle of friends.

As for GF I think its an unspoken truth between us that I have problems .... But how do you change if your partner doesn't - I mean does your partner drink at all now that you have stopped .. - for example I remember a few years back I stopped for a good 2 months ended up at a party with her workmates and I tell you if your the only sober person out of a group of 20 you feel very lonely ...Not to mention her next to me in the car home making me stop at every single McD's ( all closed as it was 2 AM ) ... - tbh that was sort of funny as she thought it a conspiracy ..

diabolik

You have to focus on YOU for the forseeable future. This is about YOUR drinking not your GFs.

DO not try to force her to understand YOUR drinking habits or even to stop with you for moral support. I'm not saying that you would but you get my meaning I hope.

This is where you have to be oh so selfish, so abosorbed in your own survival, your own sobriety that it almost consumes you. Believe in yourself.

You have to understand your triggers and plan your time AWAY from them.

This is about YOU. For once, as a woman, I am telling a man to BE SELFISH!!

Your GF will either be with you or not. That is up to her, not you.

If you want to stop then STOP.

It REALLY is that simple.

Bollocks to swimming - too interesting on here today

Diabolik - my DP drinks very occasionally - he's just not bothered about it and never has been - few pints with mates in pub ocassionally.

However - my ex-husband and DD's father was a chronic alcoholic who died at 37 years old last year. We legitamised eachothers drinking and really were just at different stages of alcoholism - unfortunatley he was at the litre of vodka a day all done in secret, on top of what ever he had in pub/at home with me. It took me a long time for me to accept that the only thing I could do was kick him out for the sake of me and my DD. If I wasn't as bad as him then the amount I drank was OK? Wasn't it?

Now I have finally met someone who drinks 'normally' I can see that not everyone drank like I did - my sisters did, a few mates did, so that was OK wasn't it?

You need to take a risk and sit her down and be honest with her. She will either stop/cut down with you and support you - or not drink while she's with you - or she won't and it's then your decision as to whether you can stop with alcohol around you. I never have alcohol in the house because I know I can't not drink it. You may well be different - a lot of babes on here have booze in the house but don't touch it.

Going to post this bit in case I lose it....

Diabolik

I once did 5 pints of Stella (or 1664, can't remember) in a lunch hour. Then went to work to pull heavy pallet trucks around (my drinking had taken me from academic to shelf-stacker in three years.)

A big problem for male drinkers is that the stigma is so much lower. Drink like that and people may well talk about you but, unless you slur or fall over, the barman will just keep on serving and your mates will keep on buying ...

Mouse

I know I cant change her as its not my place she will need to deal with her own demons in her own time

I am just trying to figure out how to deal with it ..Which ties in to the focussing on my self. How do you do that whilst avoiding not to ruin your relationship just because you need your time in a cave by your self ..

and Mouse is absolutely right - you have to be selfish and do whatever you need to to bring your consumption under control or stop.

She will probably be massively relieved that you want to talk about it and if she suspects that there is a problem she will have wanted to bring the subject up, but probably doesn't know how.

Honesty is the thing that binds relationships together IMHO and you will hopefully be surprised at how much better you both feel if things are out in the open. You will certainly feel a great weight has been lifted and I would imagine a huge sense of relief. One step at a time.

xxx

and - sorry to go on - if you and your GF are basically doing what me and my ex-husband did which was to legitimise eachother's behaviour, maybe it's time to move on. If it's right then she will give you the space that you need and you will be able to have a relationship together.

BUT the priority is YOU and what you do about your drinking now.

you have to be totally SELFISH because if you aren't you will end up dead.

sorry to be blunt but that's the bottom line

(((((big hug ))))))

xxx

"because you need your time in a cave by your self"

My cave takes the form of AA meetings. Worth a try?

Spot on MIFLAW.

diabolik - YOUR cave can be whatever you need it to be. My DH sits and drinks infront of me and I don't bat an eye.

I'm not saying that you could get through that too, or that you can't.

KEEP BUSY!! That can be your cave. Do something different with your time that doesn't involve the pub or sitting infront of the TV with alcohol.

Balls to drink o'clock. Get out and enjoy life.

There really is SO much more to life than drinking every day.

BUT - just take it one day at a time. You have to take this slowly. You have to take your time and plan your drinks.

Stock up on soft drinks. Make them up in advance and stick them in the fridge so that they are easy to pour.

You can so this if you want to. But you have to WANT to.

Thanks for welcoming me aboard

I'm not very good at opening up so I will have to force myself to post and to be bloody honest with myself.
No scrap that I'm not good at being honest about my drinking so I don't talk much.

I've been drinking excessively for 11years I was teetotal before that.I went onto antidepressants and suddenly took up drinking.
I used to be able to curb my drinking,one bottle a week or 2 max but for the last two or 3 years I haven't I've continued to self abuse with wine.I black out at 1.5 bottles and do stupid shit like wander off alone or reckless shit like sleep with strangers dh thankfully forgave me but I haven't forgiven myself or stopped drinking-what a twat eh?

Ii haven't been able to give it up for more than 2 months,Am I'm unable now to control it,I've allowed myself to let the wine rule my life-I'm sick of thinking about wine,I'm sick of drinking it,I'm sick of being pissed,I'm sick of falling over,I'm sick of no recollections of bedtime,I'm sick of the drunk me!

It hurts to post this but it's true.

Ion sick of falling over I'm sick of not reme

information overload here :)

MIFLAW

your right about stigma .. ie as long as you dont get abusive slur and fall over in many cases people will even see you as a proper geezer ( what ever that is ).

AA - have thought about it several times looked up all the info read large parts of the big book - and tbh no idea why I haven't tried it before ( maybe that would be an ultimate admission of failure - if that makes any sense ?? )

Silver

re us legitimising each others behaviour possibly maybe even certain .. but I cant wont shift the blame on anyone for my drinking its all me that did it no one else ..

One step at a time sounds right tonight will be interesting we are all out for some food (indian yum ) for my Stepsons B'day .. - I think I will offer to be the designated driver ...

Sorry on phone- I deleted some and it remerged on my post.

i am really sorry chaps, making a habit of flying in then back out again without catching up first. still insulating roof space though and dh might see i'm missing and tell me of if i'm gone for too long.

so hello to all; strength to strugglers and congratulatory pats to thoose feeling strong.

i'm feeling strong (as far as booze goes anyway, week and pathetic on the builders stuff..)

Out tonight at a concert so no danger time...it's ok for me just now anyway...planning on not getting too smug though, been here before!

Rage well done on being honest, especially with yourself!

lol...

diabolik - if you are going to feed the Mouse, you and I are going to get on just fine!!