Feel like I'm about to lose my home

[wherehaveallthegoodfolkgone]

Sorry, not sure if I've posted in the right board..
Eight year history of ongoing abuse and neighbour harassment, started when my husband left - I think they saw me as a weak single woman and launched in . Couple, early 70s , constantly slamming doors, 3am, 5am - etc enough to make the whole house reverberate. Petty ongoing demands (you need to cut your hedge down it's over the legal limit -2.2m instead of 2) you need to deal with your wasps nest we can't eat in our garden, you need to sort your drainpipe it's dripping on our shed. I've immediately complied with every single request including putting their bins out for them and putting the bins back for over 10 years as they often visited their second home for the weekend.

In return I've asked that they don't slam doors in the night and be mindful of our thin walls but I'm met with blank stares & "we don't know what you're talking about it's not us". I have a disability that makes sleep difficult so the constant awakening has seriously impacted me.
Because of my disability I work from home and my (silent, unobtrusive) work is a blessing to me. To think of losing it would be heartbreaking, but I can't endure anymore.
My children are devastated. They've seen me shaking, frightened, struggling to breathe and (I'm so so ashamed to say) wishing I was no longer alive. I feel hopeless as everything I've tried - talking politely, messages, emails , letters, pleas , tears - everything is ignored and they won't leave me alone. It's like they're bored and malicious - but to me, they psychopaths. I lost my mother and father in the last three years and I'm completely broken.

I either move, lose my home and my income - or I take the plunge and have a solicitor serve them with a letter then injunction if they pay no heed. I played a recording to my doctor last week, she was horrified.

Should I fight for my home ?

Petty ongoing demands (you need to cut your hedge down it's over the legal limit -2.2m instead of 2) you need to deal with your wasps nest we can't eat in our garden, you need to sort your drainpipe it's dripping on our shed. I've immediately complied with every single request including putting their bins out for them and putting the bins back for over 10 years as they often visited their second home for the weekend.
Trimming the hedge to the max legal height, sorting out a dripping drainpipe and asking you to get rid of a wasps nest in your garden are not unreasonable expectations. No doubt some neighbours wouldn't be bothered about these things, but retired people who are home all day do notice.
You don't need to put their bins out - that's a favour that you can stop at any time.
Is it possible that you are hearing slammed doors from another house in the terrace, or even from outside? Noise carries at night. Slamming doors at 3am isn't likely behaviour from an old couple and perhaps they really are bemused when you mention it.
I feel for you being so stressed, it sounds as if you have been having a horrible time recently, and moving must feel impossible. Perhaps a holiday would help.

There is no legal requirement to trim a hedge to 2M

Its the maximum permitted height for a fence before you need planning permission

https://www.gov.uk/government/collections/high-hedges

Why are you minimising the lived experience of the OP? How is a holiday going to help when she’s being bullied out of her own home
by a pair of malicious lunatics?

I'm not minimising anything I sympathised with the OP's feelings; she is having a horrible time and sounds right at the end of her tether. I think it might help to have a break before working out a plan for dealing with the neighbours.

The thought did pass my mind for a split second that you could possibly be my neighbour. I can't begin to describe the malicious nature of the harassment, please do not minimise it at all. My mother and father died during the ongoing demands to 'cut your hedge down, it's gone over the legal limit' - to which I replied "I will , but right now my mum's dying" - and they continued the demands regardless, smirking while I stood crying and pleading with them to leave me alone. What they've both done has been more painful and soul destroying than my losing my parents. And you think I should go on holiday? I'm astounded.

TheFormidableMrsC thank you for the support.

JohnofWessex all along I've been threatened by them with council action if I don't trim it down every year to 2m. I've done it twice but it didn't make them any happier or stop the abuse.

I'm so angry for you OP. I abhor bullies. They are scum. It's them, not you.

The advice from @ThisTicklishFatball is awesome, sensible, and empathetic. Draw your strength from here.

I can't offer anything better but if you love your home and have no desire to move in the foreseeable future. Then fight. Find anger and resilience. Get your support network lined up. A man to come stay for a bit, someone at council, a solicitor, police, whoever can help amd find someone to talk to irl whenever you need. Honestly, there are plenty on this thread that wish you peace and happiness as an outcome. Get started OP. It's time. We will pick you up when you fall because we know you can do it. Fight OP fight.

Just dont cut the hedge

Grey Rock them

I love this. No legal requirement 👏

Well I tried to have a read and OMG I would rather watch paint dry. It is the most boring document 😫
Your neighbour honestly needs to get a life if he's going on about the height of the hedges 🙈 he sounds full of 💩

As for the smirking when you request that they leave you alone, I'm sorry but they are an absolute pair of twats. 😠
If they are retired, then they sound like they have far too much time on their hands to make any little issue a mind-fuck for you.

I personally would fight back 💪
But I can understand if you feel tired of all their BS.
You must be drained of them and you have a lot going on, so you definitely don't need their twatty antics on top, making everything into a shit sandwich. Pair of bastards.

Edited to add. I hope you're okay and I'm sending hugs 🫂
Maybe fill the hole in the hedge with a little dangling voodoo style doll? Tell them you've embraced your new age persona and are trying different themes? 😆
And that your next step is inviting a load of females (fellow new witches) around for a seance and salt spill in the garden by candle light? 😆
That would give them the Willie's 😆

OP, my advice to you would be to tell them to report/ complain/ contact their lawyer etc - see what they will do. They say they will complain about the hedge - tell them to go ahead. Call the police - ok, go for it. And in the meantime, keep a diary of their harassment, preferably with the evidence of photos, recordings, etc. Do not engage with them personally, if they talk to you - tell them "dont talk to me". Dont plead, cry or be visibly upset. Be calm and confident. If they use the noise machine - put on noise-cancelling headphones and some loud music. If they ruin your stuff - complain to council, if its criminal damage - contact the police.

The peep hole in the hedge just block or cover the section

These cost less than moving house
https://wovenwood.co.uk/products/1-8m-pine-raised-wooden-planter-with-trellis?variant=55218104041851&twsource=google&twadid=706680442228&twcampaign=21498585062&gadsource=1&gadcampaignid=21498585062&gbraid=0AAAAApfPOaWPOnwWFSB0UaJUQWtF-mz06&gclid=Cj0KCQjwyvfDBhDYARIsAItzbZHrNGYjZMu75J15OmjAEFeERqB1jzJbjsVsXTym3684sFGHx99RWu0aAsqEALwwcB

Ignore their bins

Report the noise
https://www.gov.uk/report-noise-pollution-to-council
And start a diary of harassment.
Ideally get an eufy / ring doorbell

Ignore their hedge demands let them trim their side if they are so bothered.

Get earplugs and get white noise.

Also see gp and get on some medication because your nerve sound frayed - you need to get back oncam even keel so you can think logically.

Honestly they sound old and bored.... PIL ar like this. Thry get worked up over FA because they have no actual problems or real world demands so mandy at no 23 leaving her bins on the street until Wednesday WEDNESDAY!!!! Merits frothing at the mouth...

Until WEDNESDAY! Had me howling 😆 🤣 😂

Ok.,stop taking the bins out.

get a camera positioned where he has made the peep hole. Make sure he sees you installing it. Cover the hold and watch it not reappear because the camera is there

Then had to Argos and buy the apple noise cancelling headphones (over the ear £499 but would cut out the sound of. Helicopter in the room with you)

I wouldn’t report as you are feeding their fun. They are clearly getting something out of bullying you so grey rock them completely and move on

Why are you pleading and crying with them about the hedge? Just ignore them. Don’t answer the door. Walk past them.

Are you also saying they are getting up at 3am to deliberately slam doors to annoy you? That would be very strange behaviour. Have you got earplugs. I can’t hear a thing with mine.

Once again, thank you everyone for your immense support and sage suggestions. Your encouragement has genuinely made me feel a bit stronger today.
FreewomaninParis I do look back and cringe when I recall myself pleading with them to stop but I was very fragile when my parents were both simultaneously dying, I honest thought that if they keep piling on top of that raw grief - I'd keel over. The fear was mostly : what on earth will happen to my two kids?

It's been good to have a few laughs along the way too - Littlejellyuk -fellow new witches! And Lafufufu your comment about the bins - merits frothing at the mouth, cracked me up.

Its a huge relief re hedge height - JohnofWessex, so grateful.

All the unanimous calls to grey rock v helpful. Ive written grey rock in caps on post its around the house. Organising cameras and headphones tomorrow

This sounds awful, I hope you’ve stopped doing the bins at least. I’m sure what I would do would not constitute being called advice but things like this send me crazy. The next time there’s a bang in the night I would be beating the shit out of their front door. I would be screaming shut the fuck up you stupid old fucking fool when he switched the machine on. If I saw his eye in the hedge I’d say what the fuck are you doing you weird old bastard basically I’d just be abusive, I’d send them taxis and takeaways and parcels full of glitter I would do everything I could think of to make their lives miserable. I’d play a siren in the middle of the night and deny it I’d just go worse than them and be totally horrible and abusive but it’s probably not the answer. They need to think you’re not to be messed with I’ve always found that works

You are so welcome glag I could provide some light relief.
You sound like you need more of that.

I lived in a flat years ago and had slightly crazy and terrirtorial upstairs neighbours..there was no sound insulation and i had to work REALLY hard years 1-2 to not lose my mind. Once I got into grey rock it really helped by yr 5 I just forgot they existed most of the time.

Good luck!!!

I think OP could do with borrowing you for a month or so. In fact this sounds like my kind of party, let's do it! We can stick our bums out of the window at them every morning and serenade them all day with a collection of air horns and post cat poo through their letterbox 🥳🤩

I think those suggesting the OP move house are being a bit unrealistic. It’s not that easy just to move home. It sounds like she’s an owner occupier which means selling her current house and buying another which could take ages….the current market is slow. She may not want to move them away from their dad/schools. Plus all the stress and she’s already lost her parents and got divorced!!!! I get the neighbours are stressing her out but there must be easier ways af dealing with it.

Sorry to clarify….’them’=her kids.

I will even bring the salt 😆 🤣 😂

I love this 🤣🤣🤣

Parcels full of glitter 😆
This is genius 💯
Loved this 👏

I have had the same with neighbours. Non attached one casually mentioned one day that he was watching me put the bins out in my nighty. Turns out he had his CCTV positioned so that he could watch me. I reported him to the police as a voyeur and that I was a single woman living alone and his actions made me feel unsafe. Police went and had a word and he was made to reposition the camera. His wife wasnt amused and a couple of years later they split up and moved.

Joint neighbour harrassment started when her boyfriend moved in. Loud slamming of doors day, night and early morning, barbed comments etc.

I borrowed huge speakers off my son, placed them against the adjoining wall and played construction noises from YouTube daily during permitted hours. Tried to post link but it didnt work, there are dozens on there. And yes, the harrassment did stop.

You are going to need to be strong OP, find your inner psycho and stand up to them. Bullies don't like it when their victims fight back.

Just to add, it wasnt just slamming doors that switched me to psycho mode. When I put the TV on, he would put his on louder, when I turned mine up he did and so on. They installed Alexa speakers on every shared wall and played them at full volume knowing i worked from home. Parties every weekend until 6 am. I spent two years in tears, completely broken but couldn't afford to move. They moved as well, and I now have wonderful neighbours each side. Good luck op.

Oh, I'm so glad your story had a happy ending!

Isn't it bizarre to think what complete psychos walk among us... and sometimes live nextdoor 😬