Feel like I'm about to lose my home

[wherehaveallthegoodfolkgone]

Sorry, not sure if I've posted in the right board..
Eight year history of ongoing abuse and neighbour harassment, started when my husband left - I think they saw me as a weak single woman and launched in . Couple, early 70s , constantly slamming doors, 3am, 5am - etc enough to make the whole house reverberate. Petty ongoing demands (you need to cut your hedge down it's over the legal limit -2.2m instead of 2) you need to deal with your wasps nest we can't eat in our garden, you need to sort your drainpipe it's dripping on our shed. I've immediately complied with every single request including putting their bins out for them and putting the bins back for over 10 years as they often visited their second home for the weekend.

In return I've asked that they don't slam doors in the night and be mindful of our thin walls but I'm met with blank stares & "we don't know what you're talking about it's not us". I have a disability that makes sleep difficult so the constant awakening has seriously impacted me.
Because of my disability I work from home and my (silent, unobtrusive) work is a blessing to me. To think of losing it would be heartbreaking, but I can't endure anymore.
My children are devastated. They've seen me shaking, frightened, struggling to breathe and (I'm so so ashamed to say) wishing I was no longer alive. I feel hopeless as everything I've tried - talking politely, messages, emails , letters, pleas , tears - everything is ignored and they won't leave me alone. It's like they're bored and malicious - but to me, they psychopaths. I lost my mother and father in the last three years and I'm completely broken.

I either move, lose my home and my income - or I take the plunge and have a solicitor serve them with a letter then injunction if they pay no heed. I played a recording to my doctor last week, she was horrified.

Should I fight for my home ?

Should I fight for my home ?

No, you won't win that fight. Why can't you work from home in a different house?

I should add that during the 1-2 hours a day when I work, he takes out a machine - imagine the type of machine that slices through metal, and positions it right against my conservatory where I work quietly. At no other time does the machine get used.

Yes, is there a reason why you can’t move to a different house and work from there? Of course you shouldn’t have to, they sound like twats, but better to move than have years of conflict surely?

You've been fawning towards them, an extreme form of people-pleasing. It just encourages bullies like this. Not sure what would be best now. A legal letter might draw a line with them, or they might escalate. You could try it before moving.

You sound like you're thinking catastrophically ie if I have to move I lose my job. Try to look at those fears rationally and see that you could work from a different home?

the only two ( yes the only two ) ways with such people: IGNORE AND LIKE IGNORE, if they say whatever, blank stare. Or simply , move no matter what

I can't find another home close by for a similar price and it would cost so much to rebuild what I've created. Plus stamp duty, legal fees the stress of moving - I've recently been through divorce and bereavement, I don't feel strong enough for a house move.

How does he know when you’re working?

I am not going to tell you what we had nearby, a criminal and he got arrested. I would laugh my heart out, because honestly he was so mentally ill poor chap - he did everything that one can possibly be done to neighbours....but hey, I am one of a kind.

This is very true! I had spent the first 9 years fawning and doing everything for them. And yes they are bullies.
I've got into a rut of catastrophic thinking, can't see the wood for the trees

Very true. I'm actually going to try this. Any tips on how to remove the fear/emotion whilst ignoring?

Strawlight he's cut out a peephole through the hedging that's growing on the side of my conservatory and his face suddenly appears in the window. He's sick. Glazed eyes.

The stress of moving and having a happier, more peaceful life versus the stress of continuing to live like this until you crack and end up really ill or having to move anyway - by staying you are just kicking the can down the road. You can re-create somewhere else, you can work from home in a different house, you can find a similar price house in a different location, yes it takes effort and stress but the payoff will be immeasurable. You can't change others but you can change how you react.

If I remember correctly you've posted about this a couple of times before, what was the general consensus of the other posters?

That is sick! But, love, you have agency. You can cover the hole. That said such behaviour should be recorded and reported. I assume, if you cover the hole a new one would appear or your neighbors would remove/destroy whatever you used to cover the hole. If so those actions on their part should be recorded. Then once you have a nice log of things you go to the police. Lots of stories recently in the media of crazy neighbors who have lost and are the ones financially ruined and having to move. Personally I would move to save the trouble for myself but you do have agency and it does sound like you are being harassed, and NO, you don’t have to stand for it.

Snuppeline thank you

Don't go to the police - you'll never sell your house when you need to.

I would advise getting a couple of surveillance cameras for a start.
These neighbours of yours sound out and out bullies, and no wonder your at the end of your tether, it’s not normal behaviour.
Its all got to much for you hasn’t it? I do understand, but this is your home and they do not control you. Just keep that thought in your head.
Sometimes silence is a lovely weapon when dealing with antagonism. I hold a ten second silence count in my head when faced with aggression/morons/bullies/my ex (who was and is all of these and more, but that’s another story).
It throws them right of track, if they interject with more verbal, I’m back to another 10 second count. Give them the death stare if you want (practice this in front of the mirror) or to really shock them give them a massive big smile and a shrug of the shoulders and walk off.
As for the peeper looking through the gap, next time you see him waltz up and say to him
“Are you a stalker?”

Cover up hole in wall.

Work in front bedroom away from his machine.

Don't complain it makes it hard to sell.

It's got beautiful resolved between you or ignore them.

It's got to be..not beautiful 😂

Having your GP’s support on how this has impacted you is vital, and their letters can even be used in legal situations. It’s completely normal to feel broken given everything you’re going through. Reach out for help—whether it’s your GP, a local counselor, or a support group. Dealing with bereavement, divorce, and harassment simultaneously can be an incredibly overwhelming experience. If you ever feel like you're spiralling again, please call someone — even a helpline. Just to hear a voice remind you that you're worthy and not alone. You matter.
Keep a record of everything—maintain a diary of incidents, including video and audio recordings from cameras placed in key areas inside and outside your home, along with dates, times, and details. Keep recording whenever possible. Contacting a solicitor might feel intimidating, but it’s not an overreaction or being dramatic. You’ve already explored every other avenue. A strongly worded letter from a solicitor can have a significant impact, especially if it suggests that further action may follow. Look into civil injunctions under the Protection from Harassment Act 1997—physical threats aren’t necessary. Ongoing disturbance and intimidation could meet the criteria.
You’ve built a life in your home, and unless you want to move (which you’ve said you don’t), you shouldn’t be pushed out by two retirees with too much time and a mean streak. If the area is expensive, losing your home could be a significant long-term financial hit. From everything you’ve shared, I would say yes — fight for your home. Why should they bully you out of it after all you’ve done to keep the peace? But don’t do it alone.

Petty ongoing demands (you need to cut your hedge down it's over the legal limit -2.2m instead of 2) you need to deal with your wasps nest we can't eat in our garden, you need to sort your drainpipe it's dripping on our shed.

These sound entirely reasonable requests to be, but if it's bothering you then yes, just move.

You're purposefully ignoring the bulk of the neighbours' behaviour in order to attempt to invalidate a poster who is really struggling? 👏👏👏

ThisTicklishFatball thank you so much for your reply - it made so much sense and gave me a sliver of hope.
In a crisis, being heard/understood is so vital, and no I absolutely don't want to lose my home if I can avoid it.

TryingAgainAgainAgain thank you, I'd wondered the same

None of these would be a problem if it weren't for the harassment - years of sleep disturbance and targeted noise nuisance . That's the breaking part.

And also, it's interesting that in the 9 years that my ex husband lived here - no noise, no requests, same house.

@wherehaveallthegoodfolkgone What an absolute nightmare. I’d keep a detailed diary of behaviour and seek advice from the council (mine are very good with noise nuisance issues). I also suggest a Ring doorbell camera and CCTV at the back which you can do quite cheaply. Ignore them completely. Do not react to anything. Stop moving their bins and bringing them in. Don’t do a think for them. What utterly vile individuals. Could you move your “home office” to another room? Perhaps buy some Loop defenders to help cope with noise? Are they other neighbours who notice their behaviour?

I’m sorry you’re enduring this, OP. Is there a friend or family member who could stay with you for a bit (or even sit in during your working hours) to see if they stop then? Or if they don’t, are able to go and have a word.

I agree with the poster who said about getting cameras installed / Ring doorbell.

Is it possible to add some extra sound proofing to the connecting wall? Maybe speak to a builder?

I know these are just suggestions to manage the problem but might help if you don’t want to move.