Feel like I'm about to lose my home

[wherehaveallthegoodfolkgone]

Sorry, not sure if I've posted in the right board..
Eight year history of ongoing abuse and neighbour harassment, started when my husband left - I think they saw me as a weak single woman and launched in . Couple, early 70s , constantly slamming doors, 3am, 5am - etc enough to make the whole house reverberate. Petty ongoing demands (you need to cut your hedge down it's over the legal limit -2.2m instead of 2) you need to deal with your wasps nest we can't eat in our garden, you need to sort your drainpipe it's dripping on our shed. I've immediately complied with every single request including putting their bins out for them and putting the bins back for over 10 years as they often visited their second home for the weekend.

In return I've asked that they don't slam doors in the night and be mindful of our thin walls but I'm met with blank stares & "we don't know what you're talking about it's not us". I have a disability that makes sleep difficult so the constant awakening has seriously impacted me.
Because of my disability I work from home and my (silent, unobtrusive) work is a blessing to me. To think of losing it would be heartbreaking, but I can't endure anymore.
My children are devastated. They've seen me shaking, frightened, struggling to breathe and (I'm so so ashamed to say) wishing I was no longer alive. I feel hopeless as everything I've tried - talking politely, messages, emails , letters, pleas , tears - everything is ignored and they won't leave me alone. It's like they're bored and malicious - but to me, they psychopaths. I lost my mother and father in the last three years and I'm completely broken.

I either move, lose my home and my income - or I take the plunge and have a solicitor serve them with a letter then injunction if they pay no heed. I played a recording to my doctor last week, she was horrified.

Should I fight for my home ?

Also as @ThisTicklishFatballsuggests, I’d consider a solicitors letter. When I had horrific neighbours, after a “last straw” incident, I wrote them a letter and told them that I would pursue legal action if they did not stop. They stopped. They also moved not long after. Like you, I was on my own, I had a disabled toddler and towards the end of them living here, I was dealing with breast cancer. Fortunately I’m no shrinking Violet and simply will not tolerate people behaving like that. I think they thought that because I’d let things go for a long time that I was easily bullied. It worked for only so long 🤷🏻‍♀️

Fight back for God's sake. There will always be bullies wherever you go. My next door neighbours tried this when I was a single mum. The woman was a health visitor specialising in domestic abuse so I reported her to her trust chief executive. She wasn't laughing then I can tell you.
Stop taking out their bins, stop doing everything they ask.
Report every single noise episode to the council. Get the community police involved.
My neighbours started throwing cat shit at my front door. I photographed it and reported it to the police every single time.
I got my own way and they stopped their nonsense.
You owe it to your kids to stand up for yourself and them. They don't have anyone else but you.

You are much stronger than you think. Think creatively about where you can live. You can't continue to live next door to these people. They are really really awful people and will continue to make your life a misery. You ended one set of misery when you've got a divorce. Now get that house up for sale.

Tbh id move. If you start reporting complaints to council /police it will make the house harder to sell as you'll have to be truthful if asked if there are any disputes with neighbours.
Honestly try not to feel overwhelmed by selling just get the ball rolling and get moved.

Sounds like they might stop if they thought there was a man livjng in the house? So you have a friend or male relative who could maybe come and have a word with them on your behalf? Or pretend to move in and visit occasionally so they think there is a man in the house?

I really hate that I have written something so ridiculously sexist but it may be the easiest option for you?

Go lay down some really smelly mulch in your garden. Ideally by your fence where he likes to prop his machine.
Deer shit or similar.
Yes it will stink for you but also them.

FYI I’m in their age group (so not ageist) and I’m no shrinking violet.
Fight these bullies back.
Stop moving their bins.
Stop being compliant, reliable, reasonable, honest, predictable.
Tell them you’ve dealt with their requests (when you haven’t) then look blank. The gardener assured you he’d cut down the hedge…the window cleaner definitely cleared out the gutters…pest control removed the wasps nest (all said with an innocent look on your face).
Cover the windows in your conservatory with cardboard or whatever then change the hours you work.
Remember that slamming doors cracks their plaster work.
Move to the bedroom furthest from the party wall then use ear plugs and/white noise - others will offer better advice for this.
We have a local bully (mid 70s) who delights in terrorising at least 10 households. One neighbour has scattered powdered potato, anticipating rain, on her immaculate lawn which she has enlarged by stealing from land owned by the council. Another neighbour has signed her up for tons of spam mail. Yet another parks badly to infuriate her. When she leaves her bin out too long it’s reported to the council. I’m waiting for someone to throw bird seed on the roof of her car. I wind her up by insisting on being overly friendly which she hates. She has had several goes at me but says diddly squat to my husband. She’s that type.
Don’t give in, suffer or move house whatever you do.

I have nightmare neighbours and have stayed for similar reasons - ours is the cheapest in the area, convenience, money etc.
I had a mental health breakdown in the end and ended up in hospital.
You either need to move now when you still can and sell it to somebody who will make their life difficult back or start making their life difficult in return so they know how it feels. I wouldn’t report anything, that will only make your life harder if you want to sell. Push back, I was passive for far too long.

You can see you have support on here if nowhere else - so do what it takes to stay:

• no more help with bins - you don’t need a reason ( Mumsnet classic ‘ it doesn’t work for me now’)
• cover the gapin the hedge and/ or cardboard or something in the window so they can’t see in
• If multiple gaps appear in the hedge, see if you can place a sprinkler to ‘water’ it through the day to discourage peeping
• work in a different part of the house - or even go and work in a cafe for a few days
• maybe take a short holiday / visit somewhere for a few days to confuse them.
• Definitely take the 10 seconds before responding to any requests. Extend this with ‘I will give it some thought’ or something equally noncommittal.
• Audio record and write down the door slamming.
• security cameras- make sure they only cover your property. Even fake ones if you can’t afford real ones.
• Don’t help them with anything at all - don’t take in parcels ( ask another neighbour to agree to take yours) , if you get post for them, write ‘incorrectly delivered’ and put it back in the postbox

Don’t be bullied out of your home! Good luck 😉

Thank you everyone, I'm really feeling encouraged by the overwhelming support on here.
So many excellent suggestions, writing them down.

I wouldn't want bullies to win at all in any context in anyone's life. I have a history of childhood bullying at school because I had an illness and sibling bullying as an adult. There's something in me that attracts bullies , my kindness becomes "easy prey" and I can never forsee it.
The previous owner had tears in his eyes when he handed the keys to me. They didn't get along either.

I don't do their bins, haven't done so for several years. Bringing in a male visitor might be quite a good idea.

AFAIK, the restriction on height is for fences not hedges.

But if they have cut a hole in the hedge (yikes) - could you put up a fence (or at least a couple of panels) inside your boundary line?

Put film on your conservatory windows so he can’t see in? Move somewhere else in the house to work?

Bullies feed on vulnerability, it’s quite simple

do the letter that was suggested above

you re a single mum, you’ve gone to through worse than that, don’t let crapheads defeat you !

good luck!

Do you have a male friend or relation that can go around there and ask him why he’s cut a peephole and spies on you? Ask him if he’s a pervert that spies on single women?

I’d be asking him that myself and saying the police will be made aware. That will shut the pair of them up. However, I am not easily intimidated and it’s not so easy for others so yes a third party asking that question might put the frighteners on them.

Go on holiday and leave thumping heavy metal music on against every wall.

Put a screen up!

Not everyone has another house they can go to and work daily!!! I wouldn't even ask a friend if I can come and do my work at their house, that's unreasonable.

I think PP meant “move house” and WFH from the new place.

Take back your power. Put a fence up on your side of the hedge to block any holes. If the hedge is yours, cut it down altogether and replace with fence. Ignore them when you see them. Work in a different part of the house or in a library or coffee shop for a few days to get out of the house and be away from the noise. Would also recommend prioritising you time as this all sounds so stressful.

Water pistol or a piece of wood over hole. I know which I prefer!

It’s sounds like an awful situation, but you shouldn’t feel as though you have to move. I would start with a letter that states if this behaviour continues you will take action. I would also report the ASB and noise to the local authority, make diary entries of all noise and unacceptable behaviour going forward. This will all be needed should you need to progress the case through to the courts. If your GP has heard the evidence and is willing to write a supporting statement about the health impacts this would great for additional evidence. Please make sure you seek support, you shouldn’t feel scared in your own home.

Get hidden surveillance all over the place, ring door bell etc. where he is looking through the hedge into your conservatory, place a camera directly opposite it. Document everything they do to you.
Do not comply with demands, stop taking their bins out, no more fawning. As I hate bullying and anyone thinking they can control me, I'd simultaneously blank them and prank them.
Dont be letting them get away with stuff cos they're elderly, they're old enough to know better and their behaviour ain't normal.
Good that you talked to your GP, maybe talk to police for advice as well, citizens advice or/and solicitors.
Don't let these two have your phone number/block them. Don't answer the door. Put your ear defenders on with earplugs and play loud music through the wall. Classical music, that should calm them down hahah! Or nursery rhymes - The weirder the better. Fart noises even!

Rather than helping them, which I believe encourages their sense of entitlement over you, I'd start inconveniencing them back in subtle ways.
You stop being Mrs Nice-guy today!

You've got this. Love all the ideas you've been given. I'm not so good at sticking up for myself either, but take support from us! You're not in the wrong, you're not going mad, you can do this! 💪🏻

Stop doing their bins for starters.