Feel like I'm about to lose my home

[wherehaveallthegoodfolkgone]

Sorry, not sure if I've posted in the right board..
Eight year history of ongoing abuse and neighbour harassment, started when my husband left - I think they saw me as a weak single woman and launched in . Couple, early 70s , constantly slamming doors, 3am, 5am - etc enough to make the whole house reverberate. Petty ongoing demands (you need to cut your hedge down it's over the legal limit -2.2m instead of 2) you need to deal with your wasps nest we can't eat in our garden, you need to sort your drainpipe it's dripping on our shed. I've immediately complied with every single request including putting their bins out for them and putting the bins back for over 10 years as they often visited their second home for the weekend.

In return I've asked that they don't slam doors in the night and be mindful of our thin walls but I'm met with blank stares & "we don't know what you're talking about it's not us". I have a disability that makes sleep difficult so the constant awakening has seriously impacted me.
Because of my disability I work from home and my (silent, unobtrusive) work is a blessing to me. To think of losing it would be heartbreaking, but I can't endure anymore.
My children are devastated. They've seen me shaking, frightened, struggling to breathe and (I'm so so ashamed to say) wishing I was no longer alive. I feel hopeless as everything I've tried - talking politely, messages, emails , letters, pleas , tears - everything is ignored and they won't leave me alone. It's like they're bored and malicious - but to me, they psychopaths. I lost my mother and father in the last three years and I'm completely broken.

I either move, lose my home and my income - or I take the plunge and have a solicitor serve them with a letter then injunction if they pay no heed. I played a recording to my doctor last week, she was horrified.

Should I fight for my home ?

Who gives a shit about alienating them! I think we all know by now that most bullies are cowards who rely on their victim not fighting back. I know it's not how we're supposed to deal with it but unfortunately my experience is that bullies don't respond well to following due process. Standing up to them and hitting them back tends to be more effective. These people clearly don't expect you to do that, they've spent a long time now honing their craft because they've had zero pushback from you, @wherehaveallthegoodfolkgone . When you do start fighting back they will be taken by surprise and most bullies tend to back down very quickly when challenged. It's the easy victims they rely on and cannot face any show of strength. I know you're not comfortable with the confrontation but you won't have to do it for long and then you should get the peace you deserve.

My nephew was bullied by the same group of boys for years. The school did nothing and his life was made a misery. One day he snapped and hit back the ringleader, just one punch to the face and that's all it took. They left him alone. If only we'd realised we'd have got him to do it years earlier instead of endless reports to school and to the police. I'm not suggesting you literally punch your neighbours obviously, @wherehaveallthegoodfolkgone , but use some of the methods suggested on the thread and mostly just tell them clearly that you won't put up with it anymore. Equally if you really can't and that has to be done by a big bloke on your behalf, that's fine as long as you get the end result.

Don’t mention your cameras to them at all. You don’t owe them any explanations. You need to make sure that the cameras only record your property. Ones that record sound would be extra beneficial - like ring doorbell. Once you have the cameras up, I would consider getting something like motion-activated lights in the front and back entries as well. This will serve as “security” and also piss them off and inspire them to act up and their insane behaviour would
be recorded.

Don’t move, don’t let them win, fight back! With any luck they’ll be dead soon anyway 🤞🏼

Get a ring door bell and record everything, every time you leave the house wear big visible earphones and sing at the top of your voice, bullies gate being ignored and they are probably thriving on the fact they are pissing you off , in fact every time they played up I’d turn the music up louder drown them out , could you work from a quiet cafe for a time . They will soon get fed up . Do they do it to other neighbours?

Put Mirror film on your window, so you can see out and he can't see in. Or report him for being a peeping Tom

They are picking on you. Its a game to them and you need to fight fire with fire. Start thwarting any requests - say you will do it when you have time. Don't rush for anything and stop taking bins out. If he peeps through a hole, make sure you get a photo....Fight them!

get something like this. stick on https://www.amazon.co.uk/Beautysaid-Rainbow-Window-Film-Privacy/dp/B0CSN913XL/ref=ascdfB0CSN913XL?mcid=a53361c9e6d5312a8f9b06ea13731297&tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=697268951430&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=8176779372011176055&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9046861&hvtargid=pla-2301774636665&hvocijid=8176779372011176055-B0CSN913XL-&hvexpln=0&gadsource=1&th=1

Every time you go out play loud music

Why don’t you put blood and bone alongside the fence?

Why are you still doing their bin?

@wherehaveallthegoodfolkgone if you think it is verging on anti social behaviour, remember that houses do not have to be council for an order to happen!! the council can close a private home for three months at least if you have proof. try to get a pic of his face at your glass.

Put a naked photo of a man there

This is different..but when I was younger I had a neighbour who was over helpful, volunteering to do the garden etc. Came one night with a bottle of wine and then became very unpleasant when I turned him down..low level harassment going forward. That was until my 6ft friend (tall and wide) called on him and very politely (guenuinely polite, no threat of violence) told him to stop - which he did.

Environmental health will take action about unacceptable noise. So will the councils anti social behaviour team. Ring them first thing on Monday and tell them what’s going on. It can take a couple of weeks as you’re expected to keep a noise diary for a few weeks. Record the noise on your phone. In my case they did a joint visit with the police and it stopped.

Tell them you’re vulnerable and get discreet evidence of him peeping and let the police deal with him.

You poor thing, no wonder you feel so wretched.

There is a thing called The Noise App which you can download if you have an iPhone, that will record the racket they make and it can be used to support you with the council if you need to take this further but in any case, it's useful to have proof.

A quick fix for your conservatory window to deprive him of the pleasure of his stupid face leering at you would be opaque window film to stop him peering in and you won't have to see him do it. Play him at his own game, stupid old fart!

Big virtual hug, you've got this and better days are coming!

I recently watched a video from a young lady, who's mum had taken her own life because she was absolutely exhausted by her neighbours and couldn't deal with it anymore.

Its not worth it, move away and find you peace again.

If you can work from home you need to grey rock these neighbours, don't engage and get the ball rolling on getting it on the market and moving. DON'T get into a dispute as you would have to declare it if you are moving. No-one should have the power to intimidate you so much that you are having suicidal thoughts. Stop putting their bins out, enjoy the peace when they are at their second home, don't speak to them, don't open the door to them, and get the hell out of there.

How can I put it in a way that wont upset anyone, I am not sure I can but I am sure I know what a lot of people might think.............

I was going to suggest this.

Get some of that reflective window film that you can see through one way, but not the other. Then when he tries to look through it, all he'll see is his own stupid reflection, but you'll be able to have a good chuckle at his pissed off expression, OP.

The peephole - I would be sticking a scary Halloween mask on the other side! Don’t let them break you. ~ record the noise and report them to the council. Wear earplugs at night? Surely it’s more hassle for them to go slamming doors at night than it is for for you to put earplugs in. I would pretend you haven’t heard a thing and have been having restful sleep.

I agree with the cameras but as it’s also predictable I would record yourself on your phone as you walk into your conservatory, the time etc and then the noise starting up. Make such a point to record everything for evidence that you’ll almost be pleased when it starts up. Then report them to the council and the police. You need to try to get video of him looking through the gap in the fence too.

Then, it wouldn’t hurt if you started to act like you’re actually a little bit… stay with me, crazy. Laugh at them. Make them think that in some ways you actually think they’re funny at this point, because they’re so ridiculous.

Don’t resort to revenge - especially if you have cameras. If they’re as batshit as you say, they probably have them too. Potentially aimed at your home. Just do your thing. Stop with the bins and favors though. They can go play on the road.

We had batshit neighbours like this. Although they were OK with my DH, the crazy retired husband picked on me and made me dread going home. We put our house on the market, moved and are now blissfully happy in our new home. I wish I could have seen our old neighbour's face when the scaffolding went up on our old house as work began turning it into an HMO. You will never have any peace with neighbours like this and I'd strongly advise moving.

This made my blood boil, you poor lady!
😡 😤 😠
It's horrible when neighbours are bullies, but as PPs have said you have 2 choices.

1. Move 🏠
2. Fight back. 💪

Some people (cheeky hard faced wankers) genuinely mistake kindness for weakness, and play on it.
Other bastards know when you're down and delight in kicking you further down. But sometimes you have to show your teeth and fight back. 👊

I agree with one poster who said get a man around for a bit. The bigger the better! 😏
Preferable one who can swan around in shorts (the weather is hot) and I would place a deck chair DIRECTLY IN THE EYE LINE OF THE PEEP HOLE THROUGH THE HEDGE 😆
That way your neighbour can get an eyeful when he looks 😆 And your guy can give a jolly wave and say take a good look fella, there's more where that came from 😆
His presence will make the grumpy git next door take notice and hopefully back down.

I've had it with male members of my own family, they ground me down, and took the piss as I was a people pleasing female. Yet when I met my husband (who is my biggest cheerleader and supporter), they changed their tune, as he's a gentle giant who can lift them into the air over his head like a strong man and place them upside down into a bin 😆 🤣 😂

We had nightmare neighbours when we rented (they owned their property) and we were scared that they would ring our landlord if we complained (mental really) as they were best pals with our landlord.😫
Well our landlord sold the house that we rented and we moved... Guess what?
It's now a HMO, and our old neighbours are gutted 😆 Karma baby 😆

I hope you feel better and get sorted.
Hugs to you 🫂

Edited to add; the other posters who said get cameras (even if they don't work) and getting your ducks lined in a row with documentation (times, dates, incidents etc) are spot on.
🦆 🎥 🙌

@Littlejellyuk I love the sound of your husband depositing people gently into bins! 🤩 Have you considered hiring him out? It looks as though there is a clear market need!

Its a good point not to do anything in revenge as they may well have cameras as well and will somehow prove you as the aggressor.

I would go down the voyuerism route - a PP said wear a swimsuit bikini - you are allowed privavcy in your own home and recording his 'mad staring eyes' through the hole in the hedge - its then a sex crime and the police will have to respond.