Feel like I'm about to lose my home

[wherehaveallthegoodfolkgone]

Sorry, not sure if I've posted in the right board..
Eight year history of ongoing abuse and neighbour harassment, started when my husband left - I think they saw me as a weak single woman and launched in . Couple, early 70s , constantly slamming doors, 3am, 5am - etc enough to make the whole house reverberate. Petty ongoing demands (you need to cut your hedge down it's over the legal limit -2.2m instead of 2) you need to deal with your wasps nest we can't eat in our garden, you need to sort your drainpipe it's dripping on our shed. I've immediately complied with every single request including putting their bins out for them and putting the bins back for over 10 years as they often visited their second home for the weekend.

In return I've asked that they don't slam doors in the night and be mindful of our thin walls but I'm met with blank stares & "we don't know what you're talking about it's not us". I have a disability that makes sleep difficult so the constant awakening has seriously impacted me.
Because of my disability I work from home and my (silent, unobtrusive) work is a blessing to me. To think of losing it would be heartbreaking, but I can't endure anymore.
My children are devastated. They've seen me shaking, frightened, struggling to breathe and (I'm so so ashamed to say) wishing I was no longer alive. I feel hopeless as everything I've tried - talking politely, messages, emails , letters, pleas , tears - everything is ignored and they won't leave me alone. It's like they're bored and malicious - but to me, they psychopaths. I lost my mother and father in the last three years and I'm completely broken.

I either move, lose my home and my income - or I take the plunge and have a solicitor serve them with a letter then injunction if they pay no heed. I played a recording to my doctor last week, she was horrified.

Should I fight for my home ?

If you can see where he's cut a hole in your edge get something like barbed wire and bury it round the hole.

I'd 100% get stock phrases and practice saying them out loud (picture the confrontation) and say over and over.

You can find lots of mantras online or use chat gpt to help Come up with some specific ones for you and your situation.

Record the noise of the door slamming
Record the noise of the machine outside your conservatory
if you use your phone it'll be time/date stamped

Film on your glass windows that don't allow him to see in

Cover that peep hole ....and if you do it with something really obvious like a piece of yellow or red plastic then he will see it from his garden and he;ll know that YOU Know .

And yeah , bird seed all over his garden , his car , bring on the bird shit .

Act of God y'know .

How does he know when you're working?

Privacy film for your windows for sure.

I realise thaf it's not the main point, but this is just one reason why charging stamp duty on the full value of the house you buy when you move is so nasty and wicked - as opposed to only on the increased value if you move to an objectively 'better' house.

It's often a way for the government to actively profit handsomely from the misery of victimised people who are forced out of their own homes - whether because of bullying neighbours, domestic violence, family tragedies, becoming disabled, financial crises or many other adverse circumstances - when they move to a different home of equal or even lesser value.

You wouldn't in a million years expect the police (one arm of government) to force you to pay a hefty fine for getting away from a criminal who is intent on doing you harm; but for HMRC (another arm of government), that is their precise MO in many, many cases.

Horrible neighbours are just awful but there is no way they should bully you out of your beautiful home. Put up some privacy window film in your conservatory and they he won't even know when you are in there...

There’s a chap on social media called Jefferson Fisher who’s an American lawyer who gives great advice on what to say when people are bullying or harassing you - I follow him on Facebook and Instagram and he has some really useful advice and ideas of exactly what to say in different situations.

i also separately read an article about how women in the old Eastern Germany were taught how to safeguard themselves by devoting a very emotionless strict tone of voice when anyone tried to mess with them and that apparently was also very successful so might be worth steeling yourself to try to remove all emotion from your dealings with them - they are probably sad individuals who take pleasure from inflicting their threats and demands on you.

Borrow a very large man for a while...I suspect they would back off.

Id start by standing a large mirror in front of the hole he's cut into your hedge.

cover the hole for starters. Stop putting their bins out and in and stop replying or even conversing. If you do not already get doorbell and cameras - i installed myself, Eufy doorbell and cameras. V easy and no subscription. keep a log of his noise while you work and report to environmental health at the council.

Some helpful info about CCTV on the Information Commissioner's website.

https://ico.org.uk/for-the-public/home-cctv-systems/#neighbour

Would an indoor nanny cam type device pick up things like his staring at you through the hole and into your conservatory window? Also, picking up the night time noise and the noise of his machinery when you start work? You need to be able to prove you cannot enjoy your indoor space because of their behaviour externally.

I haven’t read the entire thread but I wonder whether you’ve gone through Environmental Health at your council. They have the power to fine people and even remove equipment. As pp said, keep a full diary of everything and they also usually ask how it affects you. I urge you to go down that route if you haven’t already. I really feel for you as I’ve a vindictive neighbour and it is really stressful but you can do something about it.

Stop doing the bins. Ignore them. Work in a different room. Cover the peep hole.

Are you saying that they get up at 3am and slam doors purposefully to upset you? This is a little confusing. And he stares into your conservatory with ‘sick glazed eyes’?

Cover the hole he has cute from your side.
Can you work from another room?
I would start blasting music at random times. And definitely dont help them in anyway .
Dont answer the door to them or speak to them.
And keep note of everything.
Get a camera doorbell that records what is said as well as video.
The having a male visitor randomly pop in is a good idea of you have any family or friends who would be willing too.
Shocking behaviour from your neighbours. They sound like awful bully's.

Potentially Voyeurism which is a criminal offence

I’m another who wouldn’t move but having said that I’m not sure what I would do to try and get them off my back long term without alienating them..
Firstly though, no matter how dark it made the conservatory I’d be blocking out the part of the window that the hole in the hedge is giving them access to. Bearing in mind they were quick enough to tell you it was your responsibility to get the hedge cut they shouldn’t be cutting any holes in it. Perhaps as others have suggested a Solicitors letter might be the way to go

I think the hole in the hedge is your opportunity - I would report it to the police as voyeurism as they will take this more seriously than noise - you could be getting changed in the privacy of your own home - I personally would set it up so it looked like he was getting sexual gratification from it - even though this isnt a requirement of breaking this law - "The act must be motivated, at least in part, by the desire for sexual gratification or to cause humiliation, distress, or alarm." - also see below - the stuff on privacy and consent. You have a watertight case IMHO.

"Voyeurism, as defined by UK law, is a criminal offense involving observing or recording a person engaged in a private act for sexual gratification or to cause humiliation, distress, or alarm, without their consent. The Voyeurism (Offences) Act 2019 specifically addresses "upskirting" and similar acts where images are recorded beneath clothing without consent.

Key aspects of voyeurism law in the UK:

Section 67 of the Sexual Offences Act 2003
covers voyeurism, defining it as observing someone doing a private act for sexual gratification, knowing the person does not consent.

The Voyeurism (Offences) Act 2019
creates specific offenses for recording images under clothing (upskirting) without consent, with the intention of viewing the genitals or buttocks (with or without underwear) for sexual gratification or to cause humiliation, distress, or alarm.

Private Act:
This refers to situations where the person being observed has a reasonable expectation of privacy, such as in their home, changing room, or toilet.

Consent:
A key element of the offense is that the person being observed or recorded must not have consented to being observed or recorded.

Sexual Gratification:
The act must be motivated, at least in part, by the desire for sexual gratification or to cause humiliation, distress, or alarm.

Sentencing:
Penalties can range from fines to imprisonment, with the maximum sentence for conviction on indictment being two years.

Upskirting:
The 2019 Act specifically addresses the act of taking images under a person's clothing without their consent."

Then consider screening the part where he can see you working and he won’t know that you’re actually there. Keep making recordings and a diary of all the disruption throughout the day and night before you consider legal action. It might be worth speaking to environmental health at your local council……even private homes have to comply to council regulations on noise abatement and nuisance.

Tell them to piss off and mind their own business and if they were waking me up during the night slamming doors I would be going round and banging their door, my MIL suffered like this from a neighbour, a sad horrible nasty man who preyed on an 80 year old lady living on her own, she eventually moved house and wouldn’t let me go round to see him, please don’t let these halfwits ruin your sanity, you need to stand up to them and I guarantee they will back down, the lady that bought my MIL’s house told the neighbour to get lost and he hasn’t bothered her since.

And he stares into your conservatory with ‘sick glazed eyes’?

He could be having a wank. I would assume this to be the casd and had that detail to my police report for the crime of voyerism.

Divide and conquer.

Write a letter to the wife apologising for the brief affair you had with the husband. You have to come clean as he is still watching you through the fence despite the brief relationship finishing sometime ago.

It might change their focus.

Stop helping them with their bins.

Work out when they do they actually sleep and start slamming your own doors then.

Move your desk (but don't let them know where). Put the radio on or wear ear plugs to help drown out the grinding.

Cover the hole in the hedge.

Don't speak to them, dont engage.

If you have the guts, wait until they really piss you off, channel that anger and and out their antisocial behaviour very loudly and publicly. I did this with my bully neighbour and it worked.