Feel like I'm about to lose my home

[wherehaveallthegoodfolkgone]

Sorry, not sure if I've posted in the right board..
Eight year history of ongoing abuse and neighbour harassment, started when my husband left - I think they saw me as a weak single woman and launched in . Couple, early 70s , constantly slamming doors, 3am, 5am - etc enough to make the whole house reverberate. Petty ongoing demands (you need to cut your hedge down it's over the legal limit -2.2m instead of 2) you need to deal with your wasps nest we can't eat in our garden, you need to sort your drainpipe it's dripping on our shed. I've immediately complied with every single request including putting their bins out for them and putting the bins back for over 10 years as they often visited their second home for the weekend.

In return I've asked that they don't slam doors in the night and be mindful of our thin walls but I'm met with blank stares & "we don't know what you're talking about it's not us". I have a disability that makes sleep difficult so the constant awakening has seriously impacted me.
Because of my disability I work from home and my (silent, unobtrusive) work is a blessing to me. To think of losing it would be heartbreaking, but I can't endure anymore.
My children are devastated. They've seen me shaking, frightened, struggling to breathe and (I'm so so ashamed to say) wishing I was no longer alive. I feel hopeless as everything I've tried - talking politely, messages, emails , letters, pleas , tears - everything is ignored and they won't leave me alone. It's like they're bored and malicious - but to me, they psychopaths. I lost my mother and father in the last three years and I'm completely broken.

I either move, lose my home and my income - or I take the plunge and have a solicitor serve them with a letter then injunction if they pay no heed. I played a recording to my doctor last week, she was horrified.

Should I fight for my home ?

Flipping heck.
Document everything.
I am no legal expert but Speak to a solicitor and ask if you have grounds to report him to the Police for harrasment, peeping tom... etc. Or just ask community police for advice or Citizen's Advice.

Can you put extra fencing on your side - ie that doesn't affect them.. and grow spikey plants along the top. Document it. If he cuts through that he is damaging your property.

Oh yes. The water pistol to squirt at the face through the hole. keep that handy and add lemon juice.

Why are you putting bins out for these people? And your hedge is your business - as to wasps nest good idea to remove but not their business either. You have been people pleasing. Stop.

Do you have any imposing male friends / relatives who can pay them a visit?

Good idea! we have this in our (overlooked by a pavement) kitchen window and it works a treat:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00JCBGQR4?ref_=ppx_hzsearch_conn_dt_b_fed_asin_title_1&th=1

Could it be they want to buy your house for one reason or another?
I say this because my friend’s neighbour drove her out of her flat through complaints, only to buy and extend.

Oh, and send them a "box of emptiness" from here:
https://www.glitterbombs.co.uk/shop/

Or a "Let's Celebrate!" exploding glitter card from here:
https://glitterblast.co.uk/product/glitter-bomb-card/

You can't be the only person to despise these freaks, so when they receive this sort of thing it obviously has Nothing.To.Do.With.You.

Honestly, this wouldn't be my usual approach (feminist) but this man is a dangerous misogynist bully who won't respond to anything else.

I would get a well built man to go round for a chat. Start friendly, thinking of moving in to the area, what did they think of it? Actually he's thinking of moving because he's a really close friend of yours, family friend for years, you're like a sister to him. Every time you've had trouble in your life, he's sorted it for you - know what I mean? Thinks the world of you, always made sure anyone who's hurting you backs off sharpish for their own good.

I would be very tempted to whip my phone out and film him doing this. Let him see he is being filmed, so he wonders what you might do with it.

And put something in front of the hedge to block the hole.

Just shows you should ignore your neighbours when they being arsey. I would just tell them to fuck off after the first time they ignored your request to stop being noisy.

Put mirrored film on any windows facing their house.

https://www.problemneighbours.co.uk/applying-for-an-asbo.html

Actually ignore this... they will only prioritise cases that are "disruptive to the community as a whole."

Such a shame as I had visions of your arsehole elderly neighbours sporting ankle tags for the rest of their lives!

Definitely film everything they do, include sound. Get a noise level recorder. Send a letter telling th that you have spoken to a solicitor and have a case for legal action over their harassment and behaviour. Tell them you have recording equipment set up and you will record and log all harassing or antisocial behaviour. Tell them. This is their final warning. And if they don’t take it onboard and behave like rational adults then do get a solicitor to draft a cease and desist letter. If need be follow that up with reports to the council, police etc. And keep doing it. Bullies are quite often pathetic if ther are properly challenged.

Good idea.

Find your righteous anger and know that if ever any real harm comes to you, the police will be on your sight. Anytime you go on the road, blank stare and complete silence. If they something rude, you say: don't talk to me like that, you cannot harassing me and I have a log on you and the police will be called anytime you are agressive to me, you or your wife.

about the hedge , cover your windows on both neighbours sides with blinds, paper, whatever, with a period stained sheet if you wish. Not being rude. I taught an old perv here to stop staring at my bedroom by putting my period nickers on the window. Mad if they are, there is mental hospitals for them. STAND UP FOR YOURSELF.

Do you own or in rented ?private rent or social?

I’m petty. Would blue tack a dick pick in front of the hedge hole.

But I can be petty.

i made a brief post about a neighbour we dealt with....he did everything you can possibly imagine. We just laughed with my husband and moved on. The police arrested him, he has few mental issues, few various drugs issues and more than hundred criminal offenses. We did absolutely nothing. People caught him on cameras - just like the Coldplay concert.....believe in the good also.

It pains me to say it as a feminist, but the Mumsnet “6 feet tall rugby player” cliche might come in handy here, if you have one in your life. Just to have a quiet word and stay over for a few nights if necessary.

Next time you notice the peeping on a sunny day, catch it on film - record it, ask him clearly what he’s doing, tell the police you were only wearing bikini bottoms (no one will know any different) and you caught him peeping through the hedge via a hole he made.

I really think that those two things will eradicate the bullying but if they don’t you can go for the solicitor option.

I’m sorry about your losses, also OP. You have been through the mill.

He literally even verbally threatened my husband and my husband still did not call the police or anyone on him. But I believe in the freedom, democracy and that you live and let live and eventually the ones who disturb the social order do get noticed by the authorities. This is England and we are honestly, more helped than in many other countries

Raise your bar a bit, lady, chin up, open to the world, be brave. Sorry if this sounds a bit over the top but read my post above.

I agree with the poster who said try and ignore them. It will be difficult but I feel the less you react the more bored they will become. If it gets to the point of serious harassment you have every right to ask the police to have a strong word with them. The next time you see them grit your teeth,smile & say how are you today. It may not work but worth a try. Stay strong they can't do anything you can't cope with 💪💐

OP I would have a male visitor over and if they slam doors in the night have that guy go immediately over and bang on their door and tell them to shut up. Unfortunately they won’t listen to you and since you said they weren’t like this with your ex you may need to add a male to this equation. Leave the TV on really loud when you go out. You need to make it clear they ant rule you and dictate the tone.

if they ask you to trim the hedge tell then you will when they stop slamming doors .

You need to readdress the balance here. Good luck.

This is very similar to the situation I am in and I really feel for you. No advice to offer. I have horrible neighbours though they are nowhere near as bad as yours sound. I have had to report mine to the police several times, the police have described their behaviour as "uncepptable" but do nothing. I have reported them to the council who have said there are "significant issues" and that they were taking action (this was two years ago!) nothing was done. Friends all say sell up and move out but to go somewhere else would cost me money I simply do not have and as I am retired have no way of earning. So I hear what you are saying and I feel for you. What really stands out for me is that there is no effective help for people with troublesome neighbours, you are expected to put up with it or move out. Almost always the way with abusive situations , the victim has to make changes while the perpertrators can do as they wish. I too have felt almost suicidal at times with the stress of it all. I am so sorry you are going through this

Do you have a young male family member in need of accommodation for a while? If you have space I would offer them to lodge with you for a small contribution to bills. I think it would definitely “break the cycle” and possibly make them stop harassing you.

As per PP record everything in a diary and put cameras up and keep reporting them, eventually something will be done.

You have a lot of good suggestions here, @wherehaveallthegoodfolkgone .

Unfortunately what it comes down to is that dealing with this, in whatever way you choose to do it, involves you leaving your comfort zone - either by moving house or by fighting back. You have been given many good ideas how to do that but you have to fully commit and make a career out of making their lives a misery as they have you, not just moan at them occasionally. Go big or go and find another home. Record everything, be horrible but be legal.