‘Should’ we move out of SW London

[coco123456789]

We live in a lovely leafy part of South West London. 3 kids and our house has 4 bedrooms so we do technically all fit. The garden is tiny but it is quiet at least. We love where we live but there is such a huge impetus to move because kids ‘need’ more space. Has anyone decided to sit firm and stayed in their little London homes with a growing family? Or has anyone made the move out to Surrey and think that in hindsight they should have stayed? Kids range between 3 and 9.

Just to add, my parents are within 45 mins of us and do help with the kids! If we moved to surrey that wouldn’t change.

A lot of people move for schools as well as space - if you’re happy where you are and secondary options are acceptable then I don’t see a big need for you to move.

Stay. Well, that’s what I’m doing in my part of East London as people around me move to Surrey/Sussex and Bristol. Your set up sounds really good and I think there’s a low level hysteria at the moment for middle class Londoners to move for ‘more space’. But more space to do what? I like my garden, it’s big enough and not overwhelming. I don’t need to use a car to get around and I’m close to a wetlands and a forest. Local schools are great and I can get into central London in 20 minutes.

What do you want to be different?

Do you think you have enough room? No one else can answer that. Many families have children sharing rooms, live in flats with no garden etc but have 'enough' room (or accept the situation due to finances).

If you do move, you'll need to do it before the October of Yr6 to maximise your eldest chances of getting the secondary school you want. But that can make it messy with Primary in year admissions.

You said you love where you live …. definitely stay. You might not get that again.

More space? Small gardens are good for little kids but once they get a cricket bat in their hands (or football( then no garden is big enough! I had friends who have done this. The walks they do are across farmers fields (if allowed) and I don't know many kids who go without coercion. Give me a city park any day rather than muddy fields.
And life as a taxi driver? Bored teens? Having to make new friends? Nope, I'd be staying put if I were you (in fact I'm moving back to London after 9 years away, and having to se three properties to do so, but can't wait).

Thanks all. We live within 5 min walk of 2 parks. My football mad boy will be able to go there by himself with friends in a couple of years. The secondary schools are ‘outstanding’ but people I know don’t want to send their kids there as they are ‘mixed’. I guess a lot of the things that people don’t like about London don’t apply to us. We have lovely neighbours, know most of the road, never hear music / traffic, always manage to park outside our house. However, so many people are deciding that this isn’t good enough for them and their families, it makes me feel rubbish about us staying, esp as we have 3 kids so even less space! My DH office is a 15 min walk away. DH doesn’t want to move as he grew up in a village near a not very nice town and hated it.

It's such a personal thing. But if your DC each have their own bedroom, you love your current area and you've got everything that London offers a short hop away, then what's not to like.

There is so much clever stuff you can do with storage and furniture to make the most of your existing space. Might there be things you like to do to make your current house work harder for you?

Perhaps you are getting itchy feet having spent over a year working from home, and are just a bit bored of your current house. Think about what you really want to change, and make your decision based on that, but if I were you, I'd stay where you are, it sounds lovely.

I would stay. I’m in SW London and we stayed. My DC had to share a bedroom too. We’re all really glad we stayed.

Thanks - there is stuff we could do to our house. We never had any inbuilt carpentry done (it’s Victorian so crying out for alcove units!) as it’s expensive and thought this wasn’t our long term house. We could do that for wardrobes and in living room. We could get rid of garden shed as it takes up loads of space and just accumulates junk. I suppose I feel guilty that we are selfish to stay because DH and I love London life, cinemas, coffees and brunch, theatre etc whereas are poor kids aren’t growing up in a large house.

Sounds like classic striving middle class peer pressure pure and simple because you haven’t given a solid reason why you would like or need to move but loads why you shouldn’t - and still you are wondering!
Good luck op.

You’re right about the peer pressure. The reason to go would be for the kids to have more space. I would like more space too. Or maybe just less stuff? Lots of people we know who have moved are posting pics of their tennis court and huge gardens etc on FB. Makes me feel bad we aren’t giving our kids that.

Are they happy though? I mean, we’d all like more space, but you can do a lot with what you have I bet. And if your child can walk themselves to the park and live near great schools, that’s amazing. No way am I moving to a commuter town so my kids can have a bigger garden. (I grew up in a rural town, hated it).
There’s a similar thing happening where I live, the primary school is full until year 3 onwards then people start peeling off. And a lot of it is due to the ‘mixed’ nature of the schools. But I like that and it will be good for my children.

Don’t get me wrong, the local is technically outstanding as far as Ofsted is concerned, but it’s not desirable. I don’t want my kids to feel like the poor relations for going there as their friends go off to private schools. Though I guess just because a state school is outside London doesn’t mean it is full of lovely middle class kids!

One thing to consider, is that once your eldest starts doing GCSE courses (year 9 or 10) you won't be able to move without massive disruption until your final child finishes their secondary education. So position yourself somewhere you like for secondary. The other thing is bathroom usage. 3 little kids and two adults is much less of an issue than 3 teens and two adults for morning showers etc...
Those are things I forgot to think about until far too late.
We stayed in London, and moving somewhere that is still close to the school but has an extra shower is an extra half a million quid round here!

Do a search - Mumsnet is crammed with posts from people who regret leaving London.

Op there's quite a lot in your posts that needs unpicking. You mention homes with tennis courts and independent education, and kids feeling as though they are the poor relations. Is this important to you?

You obviously don't need extra space but if you want it then that is fine. I personally think that as your kids get older the fact that they are close to free museums, fabulous parks etc will become more important.

Good point about showers. We have 3 loos, but only 2 bathrooms. I suppose that as we have been working at home, the morning shower has fallen by the wayside a bit! But older kids probably do need to shower in the mornings.

To be honest if I was to move out of London then I would only want to consider a desirable area of another city. A commuter town just doesn't have the same appeal for me.

I remember visiting friends parents houses in London when I was at university (I grew up elsewhere), and I was bowled over by the cool shops and bars they had close by, plus the easy access to central London for culture etc.

Remember, the pandemic effect won't last forever. London will be back en vogue in a year or so.

Most working class kids are fine, as is a 'technically outstanding state school!' They're not all feral hooligans and neither are all middle class kids lovely. 90% of children in the UK go to state schools and they don't all end up in prison or in a dead end job !

We stayed (also leafy SW). Two of our kids are now at secondary (one still yr 5) and we're so glad we did. After years of very part time working I am upping my hours because they are able to get themselves everywhere. We're past the big toy stage and its noticeable how much less space they need. And pre-pandemic DH and I were loving going out in London and having everything on our doorstep again.

I would still love more space as it would be nice to have a living space the kids could take over with their friends but moving out is too big a compromise now.

We stayed in London. Not sure how old your dc are but mine haven't stepped foot in the garden without being cajoled/coerced since they turned about 11. Even super sporty oldest dc, who got plenty of football, cricket and rugby in at school and in local parks. As teenagers they will love being in London and not having to be driven everywhere, and so will you. I grew up with a huge garden etc in the home counties and couldn't wait to run away to London as soon as I was old enough...

@motnight, I feel bad for not wanting those things, if you see what I mean. DH and I went to private schools and good unis, so education is important to us but the anxiety around the 11plus just befuddles me. Makes me want to get away from
it all. Or maybe the better example to the kids is to plough our own furrow and stick with what we think is best. DH things growing up in a vibrant place is beneficial for the kids. Pre lockdown he was alway arranging interesting trips for the kids in central London and exploring everywhere. I guess it’s not like we spent every weekend trying to go out to the countryside.

Why don't you dedicate some time to clearing out the junk from the shed, possibly replace with a smaller one. Then clear out junk in the house, get some clever storage built in, and see if that makes a difference. Also stop following those friends on SM bragging about tennis courts (you don't mention that your family plays tennis) and private schools (you do realise how desperate many people are to be in catchment for an outstanding state school??). All your reasons for moving are a bit Keeping up with the Jones's, and your many reasons for staying are much more tangible. Don't follow the herd!