‘Should’ we move out of SW London

[coco123456789]

We live in a lovely leafy part of South West London. 3 kids and our house has 4 bedrooms so we do technically all fit. The garden is tiny but it is quiet at least. We love where we live but there is such a huge impetus to move because kids ‘need’ more space. Has anyone decided to sit firm and stayed in their little London homes with a growing family? Or has anyone made the move out to Surrey and think that in hindsight they should have stayed? Kids range between 3 and 9.

Ha ha, good to be told I am bonkers, I feel it sometimes! Just so much pressure from people’s opinions - I think the issue with the school is that it wasn’t great but it has improved loads in the last 5 years and the catchment has shrunk so that more local people do choose it. I guess if it is terrible then we think again. I quite want to give it a try before we commit to spending all our income on fees!

Declutter the house as if you were moving. Then make a list of what you could do to improve what you have. I'd do this, it helps to manage the space you have.

I'm in a similar position, but another city rather than London. Many of my children's friends and my friends are moving further out for more space. It feels like everyone is moving as house prices are lower and it's possible to get a much bigger house and garden. I live in a lovely area, everything is very convenient, with nice parks and good transport into the city. I do wonder if we are doing the right thing, but I think it will pay off when the children are older and don't use the garden but do want access to more amenities. I also wonder if some people regret moving out?

I live in Raynes park SW20. Sooo many of my friends have moved out. I can see they think I'm mad to stay in a much smaller (still 4 bed!) house while they have massive houses and gardens and paid less for it.

There's a reason there's a programme called Location Location Location. It is everything! It makes a difference to your everyday that the extra space can't account for (when I say extra....home space is like money in my view....if you have enough, the rest becomes less important).

So if you have a decent sized house and enough bedrooms and bathrooms (ie you're not cramped in a tiny flat), stay.

OP you seem really to be asking 'should I move to Surrey so my kids can attend state school with a more homogenous, well-off, social group?'. I think you have got some really thoughtful answers on this thread.

At the state school in SW London (where it sounds like you have a lovely house) there will be the opportunity for your kids to meet (and learn to deal with) people from a range of backgrounds. This is a crucial life skill. And there will be other children - maybe lots of others, depending on exactly where you live - with income/values like your family. Plus, some of the 'mixed' people will be nice, with parents with good values! The private school children from Surrey will be begging to come and hang out in London with your kids to go out in town, I bet you!

Don't forget that education isn't (or shouldn't be) just about the "three R"s". We also live in SW London and at primary school our family was easily in the bottom third in terms of wealth (we bought our house before prices became crazy) but at their lovely "mixed" secondary school we are probably towards the top in terms of income. This has opened my DS's eyes to the world around them, to inequality and has given them the opportunity to make friends with a group of lovely boys who come from a wide range of economic, social and ethnic backgrounds.

Fwiw our friends moved from Wimbledon to a 6 bedroom house with a massive garden in Surrey. The garden is idyllic, they built a huge tree house complex, put in swings and a trampoline, and there is still loads of running around space. Their house has a games room with a table tennis table inside, and yet just like our children in our much smaller 4 bed house, they hardly set foot in the garden and rarely leave their bedrooms...

Did a half way house and inched out from zone 2 to 3-4 and now 4-5 on the Surrey boarders. Love it because it has the best of both but our budget buys us MUCH more - lots of outstanding schools, parks, but also diversity, transport links and London close by.

We would like to move to sw London from Surrey! Looked at houses today. Feel like I’m swimming against the masses. Also have the oh god everyone else is moving out what are we doing but miss London.

I would stay

I just want to echo what daisypond said.

I'm older. My oldest child is at university.

Honestly, his friends went to a range of schools: private, desirable, less desirable, schools that parents were alarmed by.

It made no difference. Really.

Which just leaves me older and wiser about

• how much unnecessary stressing there is about schools (in Lindon, anyway)

• how lucky you are to live in a place where many, many of the schools really are very good. Including that 'outstanding' school your friends are a bit worried about.

For what it's worth, my husband's step-siblings attended a good (state) school in a lovely part of Surrey. It's leaver destinations were less stellar than the leaver destinations of many of the less sought-after London state schools. 🤷‍♀️ Which surprised me.

But, you know, I think the school thing might be an excuse with your friends. London is lovely - it's my home and I just love it. But not everyone does. And even I occasionally yearn to see evening fall, with long fingers, across fields. Or dream of lying in a field, with dew creeping slowly up the stalks of grass and flowers, just as I did as a child. For some people, that's where they need to be. For others of us, it passes.
So I guess you have to decide what sort of person you are and what will make you most happy.

What a lovely post @thecatfromjapan. Very poetic and philosophical!

I liked it too

Thank you @thecatfromjapan, beautiful post. I feel the same about craving open spaces and clean air occasionally, I also love city living and the sense of community I have here and I don't want to leave.

That is why the properly rich often have a decent sized flat in London and a country pad. Well one can dream...or compromise 😁

I think your life in London sounds pretty damn good.

You have great neighbours- that is priceless!!!

A huge park that by year 6 your DC can walk to on their own - major tick

Loads to do on your doorstep - bloody amazing

Move out to Surrey and you become frustrated taxi drivers to your DC - awful public transport and heavily congested roads IME. Plenty of poverty in Surrey too the "council estate kids" all have to go to school somewhere!

My only reason to leave would be pollution tbh.

But, you know, I think the school thing might be an excuse with your friends. London is lovely - it's my home and I just love it. But not everyone does. And even I occasionally yearn to see evening fall, with long fingers, across fields. Or dream of lying in a field, with dew creeping slowly up the stalks of grass and flowers, just as I did as a child. For some people, that's where they need to be. For others of us, it passes. So I guess you have to decide what sort of person you are and what will make you most happy.

This ^^

My DH and I fell out of love with London living in our early 30s and moved to a commutable Kent town. This wasn’t a hard decision for us, we both felt the same way. As an aside, we had a quicker (and easier) commute into the City than many of our friends living in London at the time .

We’ve now moved out even further into the countryside as this is really where we felt the happiest. This wasn’t an overnight decision but something that happened gradually, and we moved pre-Covid, so definitely not driven by that. We (and our DC) suit country living - we especially like the ‘space’ it offers, both in and around our house. So no regrets here. But as the poster above says....not everyone does. And I think the key is you do need to do a bit of soul searching and think about what’s important to you and your family. Good luck Op 😊

Thanks so much for all the messages. I really appreciate the input from people. I guess for us, DH grew up in a ‘village’, but essentially a modern housing Development outside an unlovely south west town. He hated it. He did incredibly well at school and then uni, however he has never wanted to go back. I always grew up in an affluent surrey suburb. I guess because I have experienced surrey life I am maybe not drawn to it in the same way as others who see it as dream commuterland. Soul searching is right. However, I still have the guilt my kids won’t be in a normal detached house with a garden and garage etc when we could actually afford that.

As your kids grow older they will feel the benefit of living where you are far more than having more outside space (eg in Surrey, which is beautiful I agree). If you love where you are I don't see any reason to uproot everyone and agree with your DH.

However, I still have the guilt my kids won’t be in a normal detached house with a garden and garage etc when we could actually afford that.

Your kids will be happy wherever you are happy. No need to feel any guilt - what is 'normal' (to you?!) about a detached house with garden, garage etc isn't to most people. Your update reads as if it is you who is wanting the larger house in Surrey, and not for your kids benefit. Sorry to sound harsh.

I think maybe I feel guilty that my kids are being short changed in a small house. So many people round here saying they don’t want to move, but want to give their children the best childhood possible in the countryside. Implying we don’t want the best for our kids. I guess to me growing up people lived in detached houses with garage etc. That was just normal.

Not all of Surrey is beautiful

Most people don't live in a detached house?

Much of Surrey has nothing for teens to do unless they are into sport and there is so much keeping up with the Joneses tbh.

It’s middle class guilt then. The fact that we could afford a detached house and are choosing not to do it.

Why don’t you write down on a list what you’re choosing instead of a detached house?

PS I’m middle class as they come & never lived in a detached house. You don’t have to.

I live in SW London, I too feel everybody is upping and leaving but I really just don't see the attraction. I grew up in this area. So many opportunities on your doorstep. Just because everybody else is doing it, if you are happy, don't! Social media has A LOT to answer for - people post pics of their lovely big houses and BBQs, not the Monday - Friday slog of sitting in traffic round the outskirts of Guildford picking kids up in the rain from tennis / school / clubs.

I'm imagining the pressure on Secondary schools in SW London is going to decrease massively which is a bonus!!

OP, some food for thought:

99% of Brits always lie about where they live: they say the commute is always shorter than it really is and always say things like "never been happier", "never looked back", etc. I have lived in other countries where people find it perfectly normal to say: "Actually, I don't think this area is for me, maybe I made a mistake moving here, I am reconsidering". Brits would never admit that, not even under torture, so when people tell you how great their area is, take it with a truckload of salt

Working from home: no one has a crystal ball. FWIW, my two cents is that most people will work from home more but not enough to justify living too far from the office and enduring a soul-crashing commute.

In SW London you probably bump into other families when you take the kids to the local park. In Surrey that's rarer. You often have a huge garden but fewer parks and farther away from you.

A 5-year old typically enjoys a huge garden. A teenager may not. In fact, teenagers may resent living in the middle of nowhere. You will not like having to drive them everywhere.

This will upset many people living more rurally, but living in London exposes the kids to more diversity and equips them with certain "life-skills" which I dare think are important. It is also important that kids ca move around more freely, more independently, start to learn how to assess potential dangers, etc.

Most commuter towns in Surrey give you the worst of the city and the worst of the small town: you don't live in a bucolic paradise, you live somewhere where you need a car to get anywhere and will spend loads of time stuck in traffic. Quality of life is also being able to walk to Sainsbury or to get to a shopping centre / high street in 10 minutes by train or bus. Most families need two cars, whereas one would have sufficed in London, because train stations are often a couple of miles away with little to no public transport. Oh, and you often have to pay £1k a yea to park at the station. Keeping a car just to drive 2 miles to the station is insane but there is often no alternative.

If you commute to London, the commute is expensive and soul-destroying. A 35-minute train journey to Waterloo can easily mean more than an hour door to door if your journey doesn't end in waterloo. Plus, if there's a problem on the tube or the SW trainline where you live now, you might be delayed by, what, 10-20 minutes. If there's a problem on the line to Guildford you might easily be delayed by an hour.

We're sitting firm while everyone around me is selling up and moving out of London for more space. The odd thing is, it's the people who I already think have plenty of space here who are moving out - we're cramped, need an extra bedroom, increasingly priced out of moving somewhere bigger locally, but happy to stay.

DH would be open to the idea of moving to get more for our money, but I really don't want to. I like being in London - I like the ease of moving around, the stuff to do, the energy, the diversity. Whilst I would love to live in a massive detached house with a large garden, part of me wonders how much of that is just to show how well we have done. I have friends who are very much keeping up with the Jones's types - and their children are no happier than mine, despite the bigger house.