‘Should’ we move out of SW London

[coco123456789]

We live in a lovely leafy part of South West London. 3 kids and our house has 4 bedrooms so we do technically all fit. The garden is tiny but it is quiet at least. We love where we live but there is such a huge impetus to move because kids ‘need’ more space. Has anyone decided to sit firm and stayed in their little London homes with a growing family? Or has anyone made the move out to Surrey and think that in hindsight they should have stayed? Kids range between 3 and 9.

We are in SW London and are staying - DC are 7 and 4 at the moment. I grew up in a tiny village and remember the crapness of nothing to do, parents as taxi drivers, but also less aspiration etc.

We love being so central, so many things on the doorstep.

It would be “nice” to have a big lawn and vegetable patch yet I know I cba to keep it up it myself, and a home gym isn’t my priority (I have a few free weights and can go to hot yoga, yay!) - garden bar and a hot tub - well, I can do that elsewhere.

I get what you're saying i'm in SW London too, we toyed with moving out for bigger garden to Sussex when kids were little and we have a decent size London terraced house but i'm so glad we didn't. I now have older teens who travel around London on their own and are city savvy - they don't need me ferrying them around and they would be bored stiff in the suburbs. they can easily get uber back late at night - its perfect. Can you extend into the loft? get a garden room - that's brilliant for kids to go and have some space (I don't have one but know lots who do) I get what you say about keeping up with your peers but only now in my mid 50s have a decided to not give a stuff. Sadly SW London if you're Clapham/ Fulham/ putney area isn't like most parts of London so dont feel bad - sounds like your kids have everything they need and more! They won't thank you for taking them to the sticks and you'll spend a fortune in fuel and travel costs if you have to head into London regularly. If you do move though sounds like you should consider a large town / city like Bath/ Brighton. Good luck!

OP the parts of Surrey you would probably like to live in won't be much cheaper than your part of SW London.

People I've know who have moved out to get much more space have ended up in Hampshire or Sussex.

We would consider Bath or Oxford, but that DH commute would go from 15 mins to almost 2 hours each way. Is that worth it for a bigger house. He would only have to do it 3 days a week. But I think we have been spoilt without the commute until now. Should he be taking a commute on the chin so that his kids can live in a bigger house? I know many do.

Hi @coco123456789 I live in Surrey and have persuaded dh to move back to a city (not London as we can't afford it) in 3 years and I can not wait.

On the positive side if your house has managed so far I think you'll be fine. Based on the age of your children you're probably around the peak number of things your kids will need space for. The 9 year old will be starting to want fewer (but sadly more expensive!) things if not now then very very soon and so it will continue.

I'm quite ruthless at getting rid of clutter and that instantly makes your house feel more spacious no matter what size it is. Hire a skip and chuck out all the junk you've accumulated (party bag items and plastic McDonalds crap I'm looking at you) then take a look at exactly what storage you need to plan for.

Good luck, it sounds like you love where you live and that is something that many people spend a very long time looking for.

Don’t do it, OP. Turn off your social media & don’t think about what other people are doing! It really doesn’t sound like you want to be somewhere else, just that you think you need to keep up with the Joneses.

Interesting thread as I have hyst been fretting about the anount of people we onow locally who seem to all be up and moving elsewhere!

We're SE London and living in a decent area in a large house, that needs masses of work but is a 'forever home'.

In the last 2 weeks 3 families I know have either gone ir have their homes on the market. I'm feeling a bit discombobulated as part of what I love about living here is how close we live to other families with children that are at school and friends with ours. It all of a sudden feels like a mass exodus, and I'm feeling a bit bereft.. silly I know.

For context I am born and bred in London, albeit a different area to where we are now, but have been in our current area for over 20 years so very familiar with it/ love the community etc, and can be in C. London in about 20 mins by train, or Brixton is 10 mins on the bus for the tube.

I had a great time as a teen/ young adult.. was out loads at gigs/ pubs etc and never needed to rely on my dad as a taxi service. I kind of think I want my kids to enjoy the same freedom, but we have no close family near us, my mum is still in our original part of London, but is old and frail and my dad has gone now. OH's parents are younger and have been part of our DC's lives a lot more, but they live about 150 miles away so we haven't seem them for a long time.

Not sure what I'm trying to say here, but just I can understand OP'S questioning as I wonder if our kids would be happier living in the countryside/ nearer to GP's etc.

Having said all that, love our project house, big garden, nice neighbours and the primary my kids go to is great. Secondaries around here are good-ish depending on where you go, so staying put seems the way to go.

I guess if you leave London and then regret it, moving back is quite difficult financially..

I think there is a lot of truth in the saying "happy parents, happy children", assuming of course that the parents aren't pathologically selfish! Your DH has a short commute, which means he's more present for you and your DC.

The point I was trying to make earlier is that as a child from the suburbs I was thrilled by my friends' parents terrace houses in south west London. I was so envious of the opportunities and vibrancy on the doorstep.

Also, these big houses with tennis courts rarely stack up. If you want to live in a great area with excellent amenities then you pay for it. If I were to move from my area of London to the type of area I'd consider in another city, then I would pay a similar amount for a house that is similar or a bit better. I wouldn't get a mansion with a tennis court, unless it was somewhere I wouldn't want to live. I reckon you'd find similar.

There was some research a few years ago that showed the long commute/bigger house payoff just isn't worth it in terms of wellbeing. So no, I don't think your DH should take it on the chin, especially as he's the one keen to stay!

It sounds as though you already have the perfect set up, with a bit of storage tweaking.

I loathe London, my two years in Shepherds bush/Ealing were enough to know I would never want a family there. But much as I hate London, you sound really happy and I think you'd be mad to give that up. While the kids might have a bigger bedroom/garden in the country I would imagine London offers a huge amount of options that the countryside won't - and the commute in will be hell.

@3orangekissesfromkazan sounds like we’re in a similar situation. We don’t have what I would call a forever home, however London is such an odd place, kids from school live in flats and some live in £6m plus houses of the crazy kind you get in SW London. I don’t want my kids to think that a big house makes you a better person. It certainly doesn’t make you more intelligent! I think a lot of people move because they are not really into London itself. They maybe ended up here in zone 3 when they planned to have kids and always saw it as a stop gap on the way to surrey. We really do love London, DH especially as he really values the cultural experiences. It’s nice to be able to pop on the tube rather than having London be a big outing if you know what I mean

Just to add..

I also wonder why so many people are fleeing London post- lockdown.
I mean I get why if you live in a tiny flat with no garden etc, but the people I am seeing go live in large houses on naice streets.. so what are they seeing that I am not?

Honestly it sounds like to overall quality of life will be better staying where you are. You just having a case of Greener Grass.

That long commute will cost time and money.
Bigger houses and gardens need more maintenance. And honestly... Hi often do people use their own tennis court?
Only two bathrooms... Majority have one and manage fine!

You are near amenities, work, good schools, family... Many people will say that's ideal.

I moved out only because of the housing and school situation in my area.

If my kids had outstanding schools and a bedroom each then I would have stayed in London.

It depends where you are atm. If you are in teddington - stay! We are wandsworth town z2 and only A 2 bed flat/secondaries not good etc etc so we are moving 6 miles down the road (so technically the very beginning of surrey) but if we had more space in a more leafy area we might stay.

But secondary school experience would be the cinch, is it a lovely, friendly school?

I think that many people have the work from home option now, so if they can work from home forever I guess you don’t need to be in London unless you like London. Interestingly, I have known a few people who assumed that working from home would be a forever thing and assumed that 2 days max in the office would become the norm, who have discovered now that they are actually going to have to go back to work. I had another thought. We don’t have a home office, but when DH goes back to the office in Sept then as it’s only 15 mins away he may as well just work in the office as use their decent WiFi and desks and get a change of scene! He doesn’t especially enjoy working at home as the internet is shocking and he likes to be out and about

We stayed. We both grew up in London, and we value independent travel for teens, short commutes with multiple options (no reliance on one trainline) and being close to both sets of grandparents. As the DC get older, the access to things they care about is so much easier with quick access to central London - emergency pointe shoe replacement was the latest reason. Plus lots of opportunities / clubs / activities, which make managing school holidays so much easier.

The contrast to friends who moved out is bigger as the DC get older. I now don’t need to do a school run, because it’s walkable. Some people are still driving their A level DC to school, because there’s no other option, but I’m freed up to work more hours or pay for less childcare.

Stay. My kids are a few years older and we are also in SW London. They are so independent and there is endless stuff for them to do all a maximum of bus ride away.

I don’t know if it is a lovely friendly school to be honest. The reason why lots of people from the primary don’t go there is that it is ‘mixed’ In terms of socio economic intake as I’ve said above. Lots of problems with the private options too though. Uber competitive parents, stress, tutored to death, sense of entitlement, all the sexism stuff. That’s not happy to me!

Op what I am hearing is everyone else is moving out, and this kind of pressure that you should be considering the same.

But you sound happy, that is the difference, you sound really content. If others move out, that might work for them, but clearly you are enjoying your lives there so I would stay.

This is most definitely a case of FOMO from what you have said.

In a few years you will be glad that your dc have all the culture, job opportunities and vibrant social life on the door step when they are teens. Your friends will be moving back then!

We are also in South West London and considering options. Your position sounds much more pro staying. Short commute, family nearby, love the neighbours, quiet.

We are mostly worried about secondary because the Putney/ Barnes area isn't great if you can't afford private. I'm leaning towards moving due to 2 serious stabbing incidents in the last week. But I hate commuting so being within cycle distance of interesting work is important to me.

London is becoming more segregated between the rich and poor. We feel stuck in the middle with others in similar positions moving out. I think that trend is getting worse.

It is a tricky situation.

We had this dilemma. DH wanted to move to the country, I remembered being bored stupid as a teenager in the middle of nowhere and refused. My kids thrived in London. They are both sports mad and did rowing, tennis, rugby every weekend. We had a dog and took long walks in the parks. They walked to school and their friends were all local. I did many trips to the science museum and Natural History (all free). I have a wonderful network of friends. The children are now at university and working, still have all their local friends and love living in London. My DH mentioned perhaps moving when we eventually retire! Definitely not. When I get my freedom pass and can travel around London visiting the museums etc ..I will be staying put. I also live in SW London and love it.

Location, location, location.

We moved out of SW London several years ago, after we had DS. But we were in a flat with no garden at all, although there were plenty of green spaces nearby.

But, we knew the area we wanted to move to (near to MIL), and so are in a lovely place (not far out of London) which works for us.

We do, however, still miss living in London, and hope to be back visiting regularly!

I guess what I'm saying is that don't move to leave where you are, only move to go to somewhere that you think will suit you.

We bought a dream house in the country for dc.
Then we ended up moving to a city center overseas for DH's work.
I think the city center works better for dc as they get older and don't regret it at all.

We have bought a small holiday cottage to give us access to green space, but property is much cheaper than UK.

It doesn't sound as though your family really craves green space though?

To add: there can be a problem if all your child's friends leave. The feel of an area changes. We saw that with Brexit and lots of families leaving the UK. A similar trend now with people moving for secondary.