‘Should’ we move out of SW London

[coco123456789]

We live in a lovely leafy part of South West London. 3 kids and our house has 4 bedrooms so we do technically all fit. The garden is tiny but it is quiet at least. We love where we live but there is such a huge impetus to move because kids ‘need’ more space. Has anyone decided to sit firm and stayed in their little London homes with a growing family? Or has anyone made the move out to Surrey and think that in hindsight they should have stayed? Kids range between 3 and 9.

You have fallen for some sort of competitive thing.

Kids don’t care about a detached house and especially not a garage. If they do, how have you brought them up? Kids in London schools mix with people in overcrowded flats with no balconies and people who live in Mansions.

My kids grew up in S London in a 3 bed, small garden, good local parks. They themselves are adamant that they would not have wanted to live in the rural / coastal expanse where their cousins live. They love the opportunities and independence that London has given them, and we have used weekends for camping, hiking, paddle boarding etc. It isn’t hard, with Kent and Sussex on the doorstep.

And I am mightily glad not to have spent their teen years in role as a taxi driver. Their cousins have not been able to be independent at all, practically or in Terms of maturity, went from being ferried to getting a car at 17 and now can’t function without.

Suburban living can be so car dependent. (I know it doesn’t have to be, but once the habit is embedded...)

Op have a look at threads from people who’ve moved, happily or not

But also I don’t really get the guilt thing. We had a big house growing up but in London things are good in other ways.

You just have to weigh it up and not get sucked into SM pics. Also consider impact on the commuter.

Stay!!! We moved from London to Kent when our first was born. My children are now 12, 14 & 16 and would kill to live in London!! None of them have friends within walking distance so I drive them everywhere. Yes they had an ‘idyllic’ childhood with lots of space but now they barely step into the garden and would be much happier if they could walk and meet friends to hang out.

I think maybe I feel guilty that my kids are being short changed in a small house. So many people round here saying they don’t want to move, but want to give their children the best childhood possible in the countryside. Implying we don’t want the best for our kids. I guess to me growing up people lived in detached houses with garage etc. That was just normal.

Do you think your kids care whether their house is detached with a garage or not? I bet they don’t give a monkeys.

If you move you are taking them away from their friends, their school where they are settled, the parks close by to play football, access to a huge range of activities ... these are things they will care far more about than having a detached house with a garage.

I would stay too. May be biased but we have a home in SW London (currently living overseas) and it is a great place to live and raise a family. By far the best part of London as far as I’m concerned. Great schools and so much green space. I do miss it at times!

Thanks for all the input - we are trying not to get too tied to staying near friends or people specifically, as the fact is that from the primary, there are about 15 schools that people go to. A handful to state, and the rest to private schools all over the place around London and surrey. So decision needs to be based on ourselves. But I know that if they go to school in the town where we live and they can walk there, it stands to reason that they will have local friends in secondary. Probably new friends they have made, but still local.

I should add that DH job is very variable. There could be jobs overseas or he may do a role in another city for a year or 2. I think if I was married to an accountant who was planning to work in the city till he retired it would be easier as your commute would be a known factor. DH used to work insane hours. Lockdown means we can share school runs, nursery drop etc. if we move where he has a long commute, that is all on my plate again. With one parent doing it all you can’t make use of all the clubs as logistics don’t work

I lived in Bath for years, it's full of yummy mummies whose husbands commute four hours a day and they have to buy a house full of expensive shit to make themselves think it's all worth it. He wouldn't see kids much growing up and you'd end up doing everything with the house and boring childcare stuff.

Plus, as someone who is still in the SW to be honest I don't want an influx of Londoners making communities unsustainable and moaning the whole time about how the buses are bad etc. Do you ever think about what it does to other communities when you move like that and push up house prices?

@coco123456789

Thanks for all the input - we are trying not to get too tied to staying near friends or people specifically, as the fact is that from the primary, there are about 15 schools that people go to. A handful to state, and the rest to private schools all over the place around London and surrey. So decision needs to be based on ourselves. But I know that if they go to school in the town where we live and they can walk there, it stands to reason that they will have local friends in secondary. Probably new friends they have made, but still local.

In your Surrey Town they will have friends from the school they go but many of your "friends" with their detached swimming pool which you aspire to know will go off elsewhere to private so not necessarily a local gang anyway In London they will still make friends at school and easy to travel bus train tube to meet up even if they not from same street

@coco123456789

I should add that DH job is very variable. There could be jobs overseas or he may do a role in another city for a year or 2. I think if I was married to an accountant who was planning to work in the city till he retired it would be easier as your commute would be a known factor. DH used to work insane hours. Lockdown means we can share school runs, nursery drop etc. if we move where he has a long commute, that is all on my plate again. With one parent doing it all you can’t make use of all the clubs as logistics don’t work

Exactly So why would you move to make life difficult? As they grow up better to hsve easy access travel they can do them selves. Dds got into good unis from local state comp. No regrets. And we live in small London flat!!

"My kids grew up in S London in a 3 bed, small garden, good local parks. They themselves are adamant that they would not have wanted to live in the rural / coastal expanse where their cousins live."

This reminded me that, when I was in primary school, I envied my older cousins who lived in the countryside with a big garden. When we became teenagers, they envied me living in the city, and the fact that I at 15 had much more independence than they at 17 because I could get around by myself without being driven everywhere by my parents.

And my my nieces and nephews in a sylvan idyll are surrounded by teens being anti social in deserted bus shelters, terrible drug habits, teen deaths from bombing about on souped up bangers and mopeds....

OP, I am going to add something else, which will no doubt rub many people the wrong way, but this doesn't make it false:

Are you and your family white, pro-Brexit, Tory or UKIP voting Brits? If you aren't, depending on where exactly you move, be ready for an environment with much less diversity.

Of course this doesn't mean that everyone in Surrey is an avid Brexiteer - but the fact that there is less diversity (in terms of both race and political opinions) is a rather clear fact.

We moved from Teddington, which is lovely leafy town in south west London, was Middx once, albeit pretty expensive. Admittedly it's a very nice area, particularly having Bushy Park and Kingston on our doorstep. Lovely high street we had been there years, children went right through school, they are grown up now and have moved away. We moved to West Sussex near Horsham, Surrey is just up the road. Horsham is a lovely town, lots of amenities for those with young children, I believe the schools are good too. Plenty of shops and restaurants, when they eventually open up. The countryside around here is beautiful, We side sized to a much better house which was far cheaper than our previous home.

@coco123456789

I think maybe I feel guilty that my kids are being short changed in a small house. So many people round here saying they don’t want to move, but want to give their children the best childhood possible in the countryside. Implying we don’t want the best for our kids. I guess to me growing up people lived in detached houses with garage etc. That was just normal.

So they justifying their move? Up to them Don't move because they did and you see the pics unless you really really want to But you are not short changing your dc if you have happy home No swimming pond or tennis courts makes kids happy on their own No kid needs ,garage ..what for? You can rent a lock up storage if you need to keep paddle boards or tents for weekends in countryside

The clubs thing: all the kids in our road knew each other. One parent a week used to do ‘the Brownie run’ picking up 6 or 7 kids on the way to walk together to Brownies. Made it all so easy. I guess this might happen in a close knit village where all the kids go to the village primary and live within walking distance, but v rural or Surrey Commuter Town and you are back to Mum Taxi.

I should add my situation is different, not sure I'd have made the move when my children were past the very young stage, I'm sure they would have kicked off big time! Children do tie you to an area it's a lot to chew over. Good luck whatever you decide OP.

Bristol prices are insane - spoke to estate agent and he said he sold a 2 bedroom house for £425,000. Trendy area, but house was nothing special. Local secondary is rough, local transport is awful.

It doesn't have to be rural or village in surrey, we are literally just over the border in the most northern part of Surrey and we've got a huge garden and a woods at the end of the road, best of both worlds as we are still around like minded people and in easy reach of London/Kingston and will be easy once kids are teens and can explore by themselves. Feels like we have more fresh air and breathing space here, countryside feels like it's on the doorstep and we can literally walk miles in country from our home. It would be considered the burbs but again still not far from where you are. My in laws live in Teddington and even though it's a short drive from us, as we get closer I feel everything feels more noisy, built up, polluted and stressful on the roads. They have no parking so it's always a gamble where to park. Schools are still good where we are particularly if you're thinking private. I would possibly say state schools offerings are probably very similar.

@ParentOfOne we are white middle class but not Tory and not pro Brexit! Very much not Tory, that’s what worries DH about Surrey

Also to add we spent 16 years living in a city overseas where socially it was massively transient which comes with many cities. Found it really difficult for my kids when their friends left. Where we are now seems more of a permanent option for most families around here and as we are in a through school Im hopeful many of my kids friends will be with them for the long haul, which I had as a child and my primary school friends are all still very close, even though we are now scattered across the globe.

@ParentOfOne yep, offended!

Surely no-one avoids moving to a nice area because it's 'too Tory' - that's an incredibly small minded/twitter-esque echo chamber type of mentality.

OP - It's all a trade-off but sound like you need more space & having more space would be a significant lifestyle boost for your family, so i'd definitely consider moving. There is life outside the M25.

furier I wouldn’t move to a largely Tory area, partic if rural. I’ve lived in those circs before and I know I am very much more happy in a mixed area - more diverse in lots of ways. Astonished you’ve not come across this before. Kind of far removed from small minded surely?

@iminthegarden whereabouts are you if you don’t mind saying? Or PM if too outing!!