How to raise this bizarre situation with the teacher?

[Carrrrot]

I’ve name changed.

DS is in Y2. A few weeks ago he came home to say that it was the teacher’s birthday in a few weeks time and that they were going to have a party but only the well behaved kids would be invited. Bit odd but I didn’t really think much of it / assumed he’d misunderstood. Over the next few days he tells me,

That three children are invited and everyone else will have to watch from outside the classroom
That she’s told the class she would like perfume and chocolate as presents
That he needs to be really well behaved to be invited (there are no behaviour issues generally, he’s fine)

He’s a pretty reliable reporter but it all sounded so odd.

Today it’s come up on the class WhatsApp (obvs) and ten or more parents have reported the same from their kids. Some are in tears in the evening stressing out about being excluded from this party or being told off and jeopardising their chances.

One mum, God bless her, approached the teacher today, who replied that it was a joke and that the kids should ask her if they aren’t sure if something is a joke. Which is unlikely, because she’s quite a stern figure and I can barely imagine most of the parents talking to her like that, let alone a six year old.

I think there’s quite a lot wrong with all of this and would like to speak to the teacher somehow but don’t know where to start. Any ideas? It just seems like awful, divisive behaviour.

This is very very strange.

Can only hope there's a very reasonable explanation - but it sounds like the teacher had a chance to have explained that to the other parent and didn't.

Avoiding all the other points which are more obviously wrong and will no doubt be commented on by others.

Why on earth would a teacher of 6 year olds ever do something as a 'joke' let alone keep on with the joke and take it so far?!

Sounds like she's not right in the head if I'm honest. There must be TAs in the class who know what's going on?

I would skip the teacher and ask the head to investigate. Safeguarding flags are waving wildly in my eyes

The teacher sounds batshit!!

I don’t agree that it’s a safeguarding risk, but clearly the teacher’s approach is misplaced. Whilst she might think she’s teasing the children, someone needs to let her know that the children are taking it seriously. I would just have a quick word and say that your child is upset about not being invited to ‘the party’ and that you’re not sure how to explain it to them.

I wouldn't be speaking to the teacher. I would be discussing it with the headteacher

I’d speak to the head teacher , it’s very inappropriate for her to have said anything of the sort to such small children .

Definitely go over the teacher's head on this one. Report it factually to the head teacher what has been said and what other parents have confirmed too that this isn't some misunderstanding by one child. Do it tonight in an email or go to the office tomorrow morning but the head may have a full calendar.

@Chicooo Sounds like she's not right in the head if I'm honest.

I get that impression too.

Yes this is weird, it sounds like school rukes from the 1950s, not the modern way to deal with an unruly class.

I don’t even get the sense that it’s especially unruly @Crazybaby123 . There’s a fair amount of suspected or diagnosed ND at play, but it’s a well behaved class with (usually) supportive parents.

Be serious, this is not a safeguarding issue or anything to raise with the head. It's obviously just a joke that has gone a bit far. No harm done.

Let it go!

I almost always side with the teacher on any teacher threads but she sounds absolutely mad. Not appropriate at all.

It's a weird joke especially the presents bit as it is a thing to buy people birthday presents and there are points of the year a teacher might get presents. So I don't see now it's a joke. She's just asking for presents.

I do understand that jokes will be made and that sometimes they'll not "land" as you expect. But to be in a situation where at least half the class think it's serious to the point there's kids crying is quite extreme.

Had she just made a bad joke and completely misread the room, the appropriate response would to be completely mortified, get the children together and explain and apologise. The fact she's now blaming it on them not double checking with her is even more alarming.

My only hope is that she's embarrassed and got a bit defensive but is going to immediately address it with the students. If it were me I'd probably wait another day to see if it's resolved in class but yes I do think it's fair to speak with the headteacher.

How bizarre-sounds like she has a really odd sense of humour and has made a really crap joke! I'd be tempted to go and ask her about it just so she is aware that lots of parents know what she's said-I would imagine she will think twice before doing something like that again!

Utterly bizarre behaviour - surely she must have been teaching for long enough to know that children of that age take things very literally? I would give it another day and see if she sorts out the mess tomorrow and apologises to the pupils. If she doesn’t or puts any of the blame onto them then I’d raise it with the head.

Although you have a relationship with the teacher it's really not a good idea to approach them headon. That relationship is superficial and isn't for things like this.

You need to talk to their Manager, so the Head, you don't have to make a big song and face about a formal complaint just explain your concern and that you are making the aware of the situation, explain the situation, explain that there are multiple children upset due to a misplaced joke or whatever and then the Head will take action as they see fit. Maybe it's not the first time. Maybe they arebtter suited to an older year group. Maybe the Head is concerned for the teaherfor other reasons.

Imo it is a safeguarding risk. It could be seen as inappropriate relationships with children which is absolutely something that needs reporting even if it's just so SLT can tell the teacher that those kind of jokes are not appropriate, especially with such a young age group, as it can be misconstrued and risk her career. I've always been told it's better to report 'nothing' than to not report 'something'

I teach (Year 3 and Deputy Head). I would be very concerned if any teachers in my school were 'joking' in this way! It's not funny and frankly it's weird! I love a joke with my class, but this isn't one! Quite clearly the children would take this 'joke' seriously...so it's not 'a joke' as they would absolutely believe this from their teacher.

Please speak to the head or deputy (or any member of SLT at the school) about this. I can assure you that they won't be laughing!

Easy for you to say, I've already bought a (small) bottle of Chanel No. 5 and some expensive chocolates.

I can obviously eat the chocolates myself, but I can't wear the parfum, not at work anyway, as the other scaffolders are going to laugh at me.

I work in a First school (non-teaching role), and can honestly say, I have never heard anything so weird in my life!!! The children in my Year 3 class are given a small cupcake by their teacher when it's her birthday! When it's their TA's birthday, the teacher and children hold a small tea party, in class!! If indeed the teacher has said the things you have stated, then she has grossly misjudged the situation. Young children, take anything said to them in a literal sense. They don't understand 'jokes' of this nature, as it's way over their head. As a teacher, she should know this!! I think this is something that needs to be taken higher than the teacher concerned. You need to speak to the Headteacher or Deputy Head, and explain the situation.

whats funny about that?...go above her

THIS 100%

I had a teacher at school who “joked” like this. She was a bully.

Our DS had a teacher like that. Stern and used to dealing with kids at the top end of primary and everytime she took it a bit far with a kid she would say oh it was just a joke. My DS was 6 and came home sobbing because they were doing dancing at gym and it just wasn't for him at all, he's very uncoordinated. She said that he would have to stand right at the front of the class and do it because he got it wrong. He was trying to make himself sick so he wouldn't have to go in so DH spoke to her and she said "oh it was just a joke". Its not really a joke for little kids though. Certainly not a funny one.

So if it’s a joke, that’s one thing. (Not really funny but I suppose in context it could have been innocent enough) But it was brought to her attention and she hasn’t tried to put it right, apologise, or clarify the situation to the children. She has blamed them for misunderstanding her joke. Not just one child in the room who didn’t ’get It’ but several of them who all thought she was serious.

What a ridiculous thing to say anyway, that the children should ask her if they’re not sure whether it is a joke. That’s not how it works… it sounds as though the children were not ‘unsure’, they just took what she said at face value and so why would they ask her if it’s a joke!

I am a teacher and this is so bizarre. The only thing I can think is that it could have been a quick joke, one that you would make with a class. But the children have been discussing it at playtime or something and it's all got a bit bigger than it started.

If this actually all came from her it's really weird.