How to raise this bizarre situation with the teacher?

[Carrrrot]

I’ve name changed.

DS is in Y2. A few weeks ago he came home to say that it was the teacher’s birthday in a few weeks time and that they were going to have a party but only the well behaved kids would be invited. Bit odd but I didn’t really think much of it / assumed he’d misunderstood. Over the next few days he tells me,

That three children are invited and everyone else will have to watch from outside the classroom
That she’s told the class she would like perfume and chocolate as presents
That he needs to be really well behaved to be invited (there are no behaviour issues generally, he’s fine)

He’s a pretty reliable reporter but it all sounded so odd.

Today it’s come up on the class WhatsApp (obvs) and ten or more parents have reported the same from their kids. Some are in tears in the evening stressing out about being excluded from this party or being told off and jeopardising their chances.

One mum, God bless her, approached the teacher today, who replied that it was a joke and that the kids should ask her if they aren’t sure if something is a joke. Which is unlikely, because she’s quite a stern figure and I can barely imagine most of the parents talking to her like that, let alone a six year old.

I think there’s quite a lot wrong with all of this and would like to speak to the teacher somehow but don’t know where to start. Any ideas? It just seems like awful, divisive behaviour.

I’ve been a teacher for 25 years and I thought I’d heard it all. If she did actually say to not tell parents then it is a definite safeguarding incident. She sounds unhinged. And blaming children isn’t appropriate either. OP you have to take it further. She’s not creating a happy or safe learning environment.

Newest update is a HUGE safeguarding issue. Imagine a yea her telling kids if any age, let alone such young kids, to keep a secret from their parents. Absolutely straight to the head with this now.

I’ve written. Thanks all. Thank you to teachers who replied; it’s reassuring.

I think there is something interesting (wrong word, sorry), where “Bob Sue and Mike”, the three kids she named, are the ones who are either ND or naughty and/or whose parents are the well-known difficult ones who are in school a lot about their children. Which is conflating the issue a bit I think. As in, I worry that the school won’t take it seriously because it’ll be like, “Oh, her again”, even though it doesn’t sound like appropriate behaviour regardless of who was named in class. (I’m not one of those parents and I’m troubled by it all.)

I think this ‘teacher’ is manipulative. I suspect that she purposefully used those particular children, as you mentioned, as scapegoats to mask her behaviour. She strikes me as being on the wrong side of sanity and I would be incredibly anxious to leave her in charge of my DC.

This is more insane than the first part!

I teach year two, I would genuinely seriously consider moving schools. Dramatic though that sounds. She's not going to get fired over this. And she hasn't made a mistake. She's got something wrong with her inside.

I don't have nor work with kids but even I know kids that age can be very literal. I remember at that age believing a teacher when she said she had eyes in the back of her head.

She didn't say anything like that though. That's a phrase. It's an idiom. Like It's raining cats and dogs.

There is no phrase that says

I'm having a birthday party and three of you can come and the rest can watch and I like perfume and chocolate for presents and now there is no party because Lucy told her mammy and Lucy doesn't understand what a joke is and from now on if you don't understand something you should come to me and not tell your parents.

@QuillBill
Yes I know that! It was an example of how children's minds work. I thought the teacher literally had eyes in the back of her head, and was an example of children believing what they're told. This teacher is backtracking by saying 'I was joking' when if she was (unlikely I think) it was wrong because kids don't always understand because of how literal their minds work.

This - in year 2? I don’t think teasing is appropriate at that age. Teachers should be kind, caring and discipline where needed. It feels like bullying. This teacher doesn’t seem to know how to interact with such young children.

I'd say raise this - but with the approach that you understand it was a joke but not all children would understand this, and there have been a few who were upset.

As a child, I can remember taking the teachers' word as law, so if they told me that we'd paint ourselves blue on Tuesday, I'd be terrified that I'd be told off at home, but would thoroughly expect to be painted blue.

Not sure I agree with this being a safeguarding issue.

Pressed post to quickly, SLT is the right place to report this. Its a strange set of conversations.

Did you get a response op?

This sounds mad.... and can make children distrust teachers and adults who they should be able to go to when there is a problem....

Not sure I agree with this being a safeguarding issue.

I think it is.

There is so much wrong in this

The teacher sounds unhinged

I'm another one who almost always side with the teacher .As a retired teacher myself . But this does sound weird . Almost like she's having a breakdown if she's saying such odd stuff . Do other parents say she's been saying this ? It isn't a misunderstanding ? If it's right then I do think the heasteacher should be informed.

What area of safeguarding are you seeing this as being, I'm guessing emotional abuse? But maybe explain your thoughts.

This

Yes. I've encountered teachers with this sort of 'sense of humour' - they were bullies and control freaks too.

I’m wondering if it’s a joke and crossed wires.

So she may have mentioned it’s her birthday soon and what she’d like. Children being children may have asked if she’s having a party and she’s joked she’s having one in school. Behaviour that day isn’t good and as a way to get their attention she says something like “ Oh I guess only x,y and z will be well enough behaved to come to my party”.

Its got a bit out of hand and maybe not advised if there are a high percent of ND kids in the class.

I used to teach and you’d be surprised what the kids said they did at home. A pinch of salt was needed. I’ve had kids come in saying what was clearly a joke from their parent or they’ve got the complete wrong end of the stick.

Id have a word with the teacher and ask her to clear things up with the class.

Similar, except she didn't even teach my child, but used to make him an example in front of older primary pupils. Met with the Head, insisted she was allowed nowhere near my child as she was bullying him and intimidating him. Lots of witnesses.

Is she fairly new to teaching or quite young? She doesn't seem to understand 6 year olds at all. This might be something older teenagers or 6th formers could understand as joke (but still a bit weird) not really for little ones.

Given so many kids are saying the same thing I’d be concerned this is a form of bullying/teacher on a power trip sort of situation. Maybe they are having a wee party in the class and teacher has said in a sarcastic sort of way that ‘those that don’t behave will be stood outside looking in while the good ones enjoy the party’. Awful, because clearly she would have no intention of actually doing this and it was purely used to threaten. Six year olds would be likely to take this very literally. I’d be going straight to the head to look into this.

some teachers are just really cruel.
I was a bullied child, and I loved books. I would read constantly at lunchtimes and playtimes to try and keep to myself.
when they used to have those leaflets given out where you could order books from, something I always looked forward to, she was handing out the leaflets, and spitefully said "none for you" when she got to me. I started crying, and then the whole class were mocking me and laughing at me.
she said it was a joke, but it OBVIOUSLY wasn't. refusing access to new books to a child who relies on books as an escape from bullying, and then letting everyone bully them for being upset isn't a joke, becuase it isn't funny. it was clearly done out of spite.

I agree, take this higher. Not funny, not a joke

yet children won't believe you if you tell them they could change sex if they wanted to

Joke all you want with kids but they will believe anything a person in authority says, if she's not an NQT she should know this; if she is, then I think someone needs to raise it.