How to raise this bizarre situation with the teacher?

[Carrrrot]

I’ve name changed.

DS is in Y2. A few weeks ago he came home to say that it was the teacher’s birthday in a few weeks time and that they were going to have a party but only the well behaved kids would be invited. Bit odd but I didn’t really think much of it / assumed he’d misunderstood. Over the next few days he tells me,

That three children are invited and everyone else will have to watch from outside the classroom
That she’s told the class she would like perfume and chocolate as presents
That he needs to be really well behaved to be invited (there are no behaviour issues generally, he’s fine)

He’s a pretty reliable reporter but it all sounded so odd.

Today it’s come up on the class WhatsApp (obvs) and ten or more parents have reported the same from their kids. Some are in tears in the evening stressing out about being excluded from this party or being told off and jeopardising their chances.

One mum, God bless her, approached the teacher today, who replied that it was a joke and that the kids should ask her if they aren’t sure if something is a joke. Which is unlikely, because she’s quite a stern figure and I can barely imagine most of the parents talking to her like that, let alone a six year old.

I think there’s quite a lot wrong with all of this and would like to speak to the teacher somehow but don’t know where to start. Any ideas? It just seems like awful, divisive behaviour.

Sounds like the teacher is using her power to manipulate and bully little children. Children have the right to tell their parents what happens in school, whether they ask the teacher or not. Write to the school about this (best with other parents) before she gets too far and causes further damage to the children.

She’s been reading The Prime if Miss Jean Brodie’ !! - Archaic teaching. Shocking.

Hi
I agree with the comments, I would advise that you speak to the Head Teacher and also inform the school Governors. This is very strange behaviour. You don't say that to a group of 6 year old!!

Are you the teacher?

@Nocheezesforusmeesez - this teacher told the children not to tell their parents things - how is that NOT a safeguarding issue? Is this a safe or sensible message to give to children?

Ummm...things have moved on a bit since I wrote that!

Teacher made an offhand comment to kids, and it got blown out of proportion.
I swear some parents have no memories. These kids are 6-7. We once thought one of our teachers was actually leaving to become a WWF fighter be cause they made a joke and we cooked it up between ourselves in the playground.
Get a grip.

What on earth have i just read?! This is wild and I'm glad you and other parents have brought it up with the school as frankly it's bizarre and that's putting it mildly! Has anything further happened today @Carrrrot

This wasn’t just one, offhand comment, though, @FckTheSchGateHuns - this teacher told the kids it was going to be her birthday, she would be having a party, that only the three ‘good’ kids could go and the rest would be watching the festivities from outside, and that that the kids should buy her presents. She then told the class the next day that the party was off because of three children - who she named - who had told their parents (outing them to the rest of the class as the reason they weren’t getting a party), and then told the children basically to keep secrets from their parents (by telling them not to talk to their parents but to talk to her instead) - which as a big safeguarding no-no.

I cannot understand why anyone would seek to downplay or minimise the seriousness of this.

This is emotional manipulation and emotional abuse. Talk to the head the school board etc

I'm a teacher. This is absolutely not an acceptable way to treat small children. Agree with others - she's batshit.

There always seems to be a little gaggle of girls around her, hugging her and so on.

Enough said. Yuck.

In fact this is pretty much rule number one when it comes to talking to children about keeping safe: safe adults don’t ask you to keep secrets.

the gaggle of girls sounds like pretty standard infant school stuff but the rest is awful.

Any update op

@Carrrrot what’s the latest?

Yes this. She is being inappropriate and doesn’t seem to understand her role.

This is bullying - picking out the different kids and forming an alliance with the other kids. i had teachers in secondary school who did this to me (many years ago) it was horrible to be that kid.

It worries me a lot that she is a former sen teacher.

I'd be worried about her MH tbh. It all sounds so weird. She could be having the start of a breakdown.

Email so there's a paper trail, which they won't like. Play dumb and ask for clarification of what ds had told you, saying surely ds is incorrect.

The kids had a special lesson yesterday with the head and the teacher talking about telling a trusted adult if anything makes you feel uncomfortable, worried or unsafe. Which is fine I guess. It hugely sidesteps the issue of the thing making the kids feel unsafe being their teacher, who they are with every day - that's not so good. Bit more chat on the WhatsApp group too.

Head seems to be on it. There's a bit of a sense of the teacher being watched more closely too, I hope that's the case. I still wonder if she is having some sort of breakdown.

Tbh I don't understand how this woman can be left with our children but I don't feel we have much choice and need to just carry on.

I did tell DS and DD yesterday that while I have never questioned their teachers (five years into this school!) on this occasion I do feel that the teacher's behaviour was far out of line and that when that happens we don't blindly follow but stop, think and discuss.

Errr… complain. That is fucking weird.

Sounds like they are trying to brush it under the carpet

It doesn’t to me.
It sounds like they are all over it like a rash!

Definitely seems as though they are skirting around the issue. I do hope support is in place for that teacher if she has obvious MH issues. If I were working in her department I would be mentioning to the head all the time. I have on occasion reported issues surrounding my colleagues to the head