How to raise this bizarre situation with the teacher?

[Carrrrot]

I’ve name changed.

DS is in Y2. A few weeks ago he came home to say that it was the teacher’s birthday in a few weeks time and that they were going to have a party but only the well behaved kids would be invited. Bit odd but I didn’t really think much of it / assumed he’d misunderstood. Over the next few days he tells me,

That three children are invited and everyone else will have to watch from outside the classroom
That she’s told the class she would like perfume and chocolate as presents
That he needs to be really well behaved to be invited (there are no behaviour issues generally, he’s fine)

He’s a pretty reliable reporter but it all sounded so odd.

Today it’s come up on the class WhatsApp (obvs) and ten or more parents have reported the same from their kids. Some are in tears in the evening stressing out about being excluded from this party or being told off and jeopardising their chances.

One mum, God bless her, approached the teacher today, who replied that it was a joke and that the kids should ask her if they aren’t sure if something is a joke. Which is unlikely, because she’s quite a stern figure and I can barely imagine most of the parents talking to her like that, let alone a six year old.

I think there’s quite a lot wrong with all of this and would like to speak to the teacher somehow but don’t know where to start. Any ideas? It just seems like awful, divisive behaviour.

and yes, I'd also call it bullying; she knows that as the adult in the situation, the children will listen to her and is using that to try to influence their behaviour. She's 100% bullying them.

There is something very wrong with this teacher. I am not sure how she managed to get through her training without it becoming clear. She is obviously good at masking, but the follow-up behaviour is more worrying than the initial one. It is manipulative, divisive and underhanded. In a parent this would be considered abusive. Horrible actually and I am never one to go overboard on these things. Please update us on what happens as this is disturbing frankly.

Yes, this. Get a grip everybody! She just sounds a bit eccentric, that's all.

This. Clearly, she cannot and would not exclude most of the class. Most classes don't have a TA these days so where would the excluded children go and who would watch them?

Thanks all. I wrote; SLT replied and sounded alarmed tbh. I think a few parents also had meetings with the head but I don’t know what transpired.

Amazingly it sounds like she did the same thing again the next day after I wrote - called “Mike” up and told him off for speaking to his mum again after the party was already cancelled. This is a bit hearsay-y but from the mum of another child who overheard.

To whoever asked, no, not inexperienced or especially young and apparently used to work in a SEN school before joining this school which is alarming frankly but there you go.

I feel like the school is taking it seriously at least. And obviously rumours are flying around and now the whole school knows.

Even if it is a 'joke' it's not very funny, is it?

"Yes, this. Get a grip everybody! She just sounds a bit eccentric, that's all."

Perhaps she should practice her eccentricity somewhere where it won't harm the development of children who are neurodivergent, and already potentially finding it hard to navigate interpersonal relationships, not to mention other children who were clearly distressed by the "joke".

It doesn't matter if realistically, she wouldn't have been able to do the things she said she was going to do. It matters that she said it, they believed her, and then she held a minority of her students up as being to blame for "not understanding".

Personally I'd be taking @AMurderofMurderingCrows approach.

Good grief the teacher sounds utterly shocking. As a teacher, there is no way I would do anything like this.
It is totally inappropriate, to be honest I'm so shocked that I can't even put into words how wrong this is. And to then berate children, in front of the class as well, for talking to their parents is disgusting.
No teacher I know would do anything like this. It crosses so many boundaries.

I could be taken as a safeguarding issue as she is playing favourites which could be seen as a red flag. It's completely inappropriate behaviour

This is utterly insane!!!

edit: of the teacher. I’d expect a serious meeting and her arse handed to her. You don’t pick on 6 years ago olds, constantly make fun of them (specific ones especially), accuse them of not taking a joke, and hang this kind of thing over their heads.

Genuinely I’d question whether this person should be a teacher at all.

That goes against the principle that you always talk to the person concerned before going over their head, except in extreme circumstances.

Make and keep screenshots of Whatapp as evidence.

It may be that the teacher is pushing boundaries to test the kids' resilliance but because they are so young, it is cruel manipulation and bad form.

The teacher should not be talking about her birthday as thats her personal info and it seems there is a lack of ' professional boundaries' .

Get intouch with the HT, this is raising alarm bells, she's a cheeky cow.

Amazingly it sounds like she did the same thing again the next day after I wrote - called “Mike” up and told him off for speaking to his mum again after the party was already cancelled. This is a bit hearsay-y but from the mum of another child who overheard.

Stranger and stranger behaviour, very unprofessional. I cannot imagine why she thought any of this was appropriate. Wonder if she’ll now go on a long gardening leave.
Edit and telling any child they shouldn’t have spoken to their parent is appalling.

Fucking hell, this is nuts.

The teacher is abusing her position of power and is being really inappropriate.

I'm pleased to read that you reported her. Kids this age look up to their teacher and are supposed to be able to trust and follow her example.

I'd make very sure that you keep speaking to your child for daily updates on what the school day/classroom is like and keep communicating with other parents so there is a wider overview of this teacher's behaviour.

Its extremely likely the teacher is doing and saying other inappropriate things in this classroom. She may have been doing it more subtly for a long time.

TBH it sounds bullying behaviour. Joke or not, she has used it to alarm and distress children over a period of time, then targeted them personally and by name when the fallout happened.

My father was a Head teacher and he always said that on occasion the biggest school bully was a teacher. People who like to wield power like to wield it over those who can't fight back.

What an utter oddball. I’m glad the school seem to be taking it seriously, but I wonder what she says to them when questioned about this.

I wonder if she was using this as a way to enforce good behaviour, and it got out of hand? If she's used to teaching younger children, or children with special needs, maybe she didn't realise they would retain so much information about the "party"? Let alone report it back to mum and dad. Maybe she thought she could put it on the long finger forever, and when she realised they weren't letting go of the idea, she made it sillier and sillier in the hopes they'd realise it was just a game.

It's the only halfway sensible explanation I can think of. It does feel like the whole thing escalated out of her control and she's trying to save face. But I don't think the why matters as much as her strange, passive aggressive response to the situation. She's basically telling a class of Year 2s they can't take a joke, by the sound of it? A teacher shouldn't be so snide.

This woman sounds like my primary school teacher.

Increasingly erratic behaviour, saying things that would distress us and make us cry, telling us not to tell our parents about what had happened in class because if we did he would call them and tell them what we’d done etc.

It turned out he was in the midst of a psychotic breakdown. He went to a psychiatric hospital for in patient treatment in the end and we got a new teacher. It caused a lot of damage. I remember being absolutely terrified of going to school because of him and his behaviour.

Any teacher who has managed to hold down a job for some years and has some seniority in the profession would not have lasted this long by behaving this way habitually. It’s utterly unprofessional but more than that, it’s also unsettling that she’s become so obsessed with the story of the party and is picking on individual children about them ‘telling tales’ - it is quite manic/paranoid behaviour and this is what makes me think she may not be well.

Your post is so true. It is a position of power that it seems teachers like the one in this thread abuse.
Chat happens in class and kids ask when your birthday is etc. But I just can not work out how this teacher thinks any of her behaviour is ok.

Sadly she’s not unique.

I’ve come across some terrible primary school teachers.

I’ve worked in Year 2 a long time and never heard anything g quite so proposterous!

I would definitely talk to the Head and make sure that someone (Head or teacher) explains the "joke" to the children with another teacher or TA present to check understanding. And the teacher should apologise for upsetting them.

It's bullying behaviour from the teacher - children are upset, they are thinking they're being punished and not knowing why, and they're being told not to tell their parents. That's why it's a safeguarding issue that needs to be reported to the Head or DSL.

Please post again when you have an update! This is so totally bizarre!!!