How to raise this bizarre situation with the teacher?

[Carrrrot]

I’ve name changed.

DS is in Y2. A few weeks ago he came home to say that it was the teacher’s birthday in a few weeks time and that they were going to have a party but only the well behaved kids would be invited. Bit odd but I didn’t really think much of it / assumed he’d misunderstood. Over the next few days he tells me,

That three children are invited and everyone else will have to watch from outside the classroom
That she’s told the class she would like perfume and chocolate as presents
That he needs to be really well behaved to be invited (there are no behaviour issues generally, he’s fine)

He’s a pretty reliable reporter but it all sounded so odd.

Today it’s come up on the class WhatsApp (obvs) and ten or more parents have reported the same from their kids. Some are in tears in the evening stressing out about being excluded from this party or being told off and jeopardising their chances.

One mum, God bless her, approached the teacher today, who replied that it was a joke and that the kids should ask her if they aren’t sure if something is a joke. Which is unlikely, because she’s quite a stern figure and I can barely imagine most of the parents talking to her like that, let alone a six year old.

I think there’s quite a lot wrong with all of this and would like to speak to the teacher somehow but don’t know where to start. Any ideas? It just seems like awful, divisive behaviour.

Telling the kids not to tell their parents is extremely troubling and goes against everything we know about safeguarding children.
But the whole thing is weird and worrying

Telling children not to share info with their parents/carers is totally bizarre and very concerning

Very troubling. If you joke with kids, you have to make it clear it’s a joke.

And saying kids will have to watch a party through the door isn’t a joke. It’s nasty. They’re blooming 6 year olds!

How she behaved after parents complained (telling kids they shouldn’t have told their parents) is well dodgy.

This is disturbing on so many levels, the thing that jumps out for me is telling the children off for speaking to their parents. An authority figure who has power in their lives telling them to keep a secret from others especially adults who love and care for them is very concerning. They are so young and she is manipulating them for what? a silly and tasteless "joke". And as for the threat that the uninvited will have to watch the party through the window, that is bullying plain and simple.

Fuck me, it is definitely a safeguarding issue now!!! She is making children feel bad about speaking to their parents about something that's upset them! What a cow! That is so horrible! The 101 of safeguarding is that a child can always speak to any adult in the school and assuring them that they will always be listened to. It works both ways though: children should always feel comfortable to speak out about things that happened in school. She is awful for admonishing children for talking to their parents. I would be beyond upset, how dare she try and come between children and their parents??!! FWIW, I am a teacher (secondary) and my own child is in KS1. He does not particularly like his teacher and they don't really have a bond, but she would never in a million years do anything as crass and weird as thus

A teacher telling children not to tell Anything to their parents is a safeguarding “No No”. Not to mention bringing children to the front and chastising them for telling their parents what she has been saying in class. Shaming them saying that now the “party” was cancelled and it’s these children’s fault?? I’d be demanding her immediate suspension pending an investigation. At the very least there needs to be a meeting with the headmaster for all parents in the class explaining what measures are being adopted and what steps are being taken to investigate and ensure this never happens again. The teacher or headteacher needs to formally apologise to the children and explain why what she did was wrong.

It seems weird for a teacher to say she would like something off her students. It's ok saying it's her birthday. It could be a misunderstanding

Maybe after years of teaching she’s had a mental breakdown if there’s been no problem before and just needs to be signed off to get better.

people are just after teachers blood and never actually ask them directly but run to head teacher or mumsnet. This could have been cleared up the first time it was heard by one of the parents with a conversation.

it is a very bizarre situation and not handled well by the teacher or school at all as it shouldn’t have got that far down the road.

Go to the headteacher that is very weird behaviour.

I turned 40 on a school day (im a teacher), i happened to share a birthday with a pupil in class. I knew she was from a poor family and she had mentioned she hadnt had a birthday cake before.
I threw myself a party but really it was for her.
I had year 6 so they were old enough to get a joke so sometimes if they were being a bit disruptive/chatty id say "ohhh sounds like this class dont want cake" but they knew it was a joke and usually said they cant talk with their mouthful so should get more cake 😂
Younger kids dont really understand humour like that though. Maybe used to older kids?
The gift list is odd though!

Go straight to the head. Let them sort it

Sorry, as a teacher, not Y2 although my partner is, if your kids are little shits than that's your problem, not the poor teacher who has to put up with them 260 days a year; try being a parent,
not a whinging gobshite!

This just gets worse All parents involved need to complain to Head Asap

I think this too.
She said it as a joke maybe not realising that 6/7 yr olds take things quite literally (the gifts).
The party things is a bit off key as again, kids take things literally.

I think she should know how kids minds work though if she's a teacher (as in for their age, not actually being a mind reader).

Wrong on many levels I'd be making an appointment with the Head, asap.

May not reach a threshold to report to Local Authority Designated Officer (LADO) but definitely a low level concern, especially after teacher says children shouldn't tell parents things.

This sounds like a misplaced joke to me.
I'd explain it as such to my kids and let it go

Should someone with such poor judgement be allowed to teach such young children? At best she's stupid, in which case, why would she have charge of young childten at worse she's controlling and manipulative. Neither are circumstances which reinforce safeguarding principles. Speak to the Head about your concerns.

Exactly, asking kids to buy her perfume!! How foes she think kids can afford that.
Yes its 40+ years ago since I was at junior school but I can't even remember knowing when it was the teachers birthday let alone buy them something....utter madness

What worries me most is she’s telling these children off essentially for talking to their parents. That for me is a massive no no.

Sounds like she’s using teenage / adult banter with Y2 kids, not overly appropriate.
Kids at that age often take things literally or misunderstand.

I think a quiet chat to the teacher, there could be an explanation but I doubt it from what you’ve said.

This. No teacher should be telling their child to not tell their parent something!!

I wouldn't have this kind of conversation EVER with a class of children, never mind young ones. You could approach the Head or Deputy?

As a teacher myself, I usually defend teachers on here, but I’d be either going to the year group/key stage leader or to the head teacher. There’s having a joke with the kids and then there’s this. I don’t even let kids hand out birthday party invites in class (unless the whole class is invited) because I don’t want anyone to feel left out (instead I will subtly pass them to parents at home time or my TA will slip them into their book bags).