How to raise this bizarre situation with the teacher?

[Carrrrot]

I’ve name changed.

DS is in Y2. A few weeks ago he came home to say that it was the teacher’s birthday in a few weeks time and that they were going to have a party but only the well behaved kids would be invited. Bit odd but I didn’t really think much of it / assumed he’d misunderstood. Over the next few days he tells me,

That three children are invited and everyone else will have to watch from outside the classroom
That she’s told the class she would like perfume and chocolate as presents
That he needs to be really well behaved to be invited (there are no behaviour issues generally, he’s fine)

He’s a pretty reliable reporter but it all sounded so odd.

Today it’s come up on the class WhatsApp (obvs) and ten or more parents have reported the same from their kids. Some are in tears in the evening stressing out about being excluded from this party or being told off and jeopardising their chances.

One mum, God bless her, approached the teacher today, who replied that it was a joke and that the kids should ask her if they aren’t sure if something is a joke. Which is unlikely, because she’s quite a stern figure and I can barely imagine most of the parents talking to her like that, let alone a six year old.

I think there’s quite a lot wrong with all of this and would like to speak to the teacher somehow but don’t know where to start. Any ideas? It just seems like awful, divisive behaviour.

Children of 6 are so literal so if she had the first idea about child development then she wouldn't have 'joked'. But I think it's quite clear that this wasn't a joke. I'd be seriously concerned that she basically humiliated the three children by 'ratting' her out and that they should have come to her directly.

This is all really off. It's cruel and gaslight-y and manipulative and I'd be going to see the head of the school. Any experienced teacher wouldn't treat children this way.

It’s definitely not a safeguarding issue as someone else commented. I can see a teacher encouraging the children to be well behaved with a celebration. I can see it may have been intended to be some light hearted humour but obvs with 6 year olds a lot can go horribly wrong due to their age and doesn’t appear she has taken into consideration that they are 6 years old.

if you want to approach the teacher then just ask her out right as in tell her what has been said and how your child is feeling. Not in an accusational manner but lighthearted but insist that it has affected your child causing them anxiety and worry and you’d appreciate it if she could address the classes concerns and put their minds at ease that it was a joke. Going to the head etc seems rather extreme in my opinion and any future problems going to the head about something so trivial that can be addressed directly to the teacher herself will mean you may not be taken seriously when it is a potential serious matter

Report to the head. If she is "joking" like this with small children she is in the wrong job. Perhaps with a class of secondary schoolers, this might be ok, but Y2 no-way. I am a TA and I MIGHT say this IF they joked with me e.g. said "stichguru, will you just change my marks?" and I was 100% sure they knew I couldn't, didn't want me to, and were having a laugh, I might respond with "yeah sure, if you spend enough on my end of year present"! BUT even with my adults, I'd only do it if

1. I was 100% sure they were joking
2. I was 100% sure they knew I was joking. Even with my adults, there are quite a number (mostly with weaker English) who I'd not be 100% confident about so wouldn't do it.

Are you a teacher?

When I read the first post I could almost believe it was meant to be a joke, if the teacher lacked much familiarity with 6 year olds. BUT her response is absolutely unreasonable. Picking on children who are most likely to take her literally, turning the rest of the class against children more likely to be already excluded, suggesting children should not talk to their parents about concerns at school, still not acknowledging she has done anything wrong! Hope the SLT act quickly and responsibly.

This.
And correct me if I'm wrong am wrong but these children are 5/6...........not particularly clued up enough on life skills to spot a joke are they??

and another one was my German Teacher. she ruined French for me, so when I got my language options, I chose German, and got her as a teacher for that. (I also chose Latin, as she didn't teach that)
they weren't allowed to give a full lunch detention, because we had to have time to eat. so she'd let me leave five minutes before the end of lunch. knowing I'd have to run across to the other school building where the cafeteria for my year group was. by the time I got there, the bell rang, just as I ran in. I started crying in frustration, because I was hungry. the cafeteria ladies were lovely. one of them went up to my next class to explain I wouldn't get there until I'd had something to eat, and they made sure I had something to eat, and told me not to rush, they'd sorted it with the teacher of the next class.
again, that's a pure act of spite. she wasn't technically breaking the rules, as I had five minutes of lunchtime left. but she knew it meant I'd not get there in time.

ignoring the school aspect

As a manager I would want to know if one of my staff communicating with customers in a way that caused distress or confusion so I could address it. Talk to the head

It was inappropriate behaviour. I certainly wouldn’t let it go.
I can’t help wondering, OP, whether the teacher is very young and inexperienced?

But a parent contacted the teacher in the way you suggest and the teacher did not address the classes concerns and put their minds at ease. So going to Head is now needed.

This isn't a safeguarding issue, and before anyone jumps on me, I'm a safeguarding professional and 90% of my job is dealing with concerns about the behaviour of educational professionals, so I have a robust knowledge of safeguarding thresholds. However I completely agree it needs to be raised with SLT as clearly something has gone wrong in terms of the teacher's practice and their communication with the class. If you are worried after speaking to SLT that it's not been dealt with, or if there is any more pointed discussion/blame in class after you have raised with SLT then follow school's complaints process.

What area of safeguarding are you seeing this as being, I'm guessing emotional abuse? But maybe explain your thoughts.

Telling six year olds that "if they are like Bob, Jane and Mike and don't understand things, they should come to her and not tell their parents."

yes, a teacher telling children not to tell their parents about things that happens at school is a big red flag.

Also a teacher is this is fucking weird. Her initial 'joke' was inappropriate and far from funny. But the fact she has twisted it and said not to report concerns and worries they have had in school to parents raises a safeguarding concern.

Absolutely write to SLT. But be very factual, include what you son said in order. I would encourage other parents to write in as well explaining what their kids shared and how upset they were.

Really? Don't be so ridiculous!

That's such a horrible comment and obvious bullying of Bob, Jane and Mike.

😂😂😂

Yes really, as a very experienced teacher if I heard a colleague telling kids not to tell their parents about things they were upset about in school and just tell them, I would be reporting it to the SLT.

I’d be deeply concerned

I'd wait for this teacher outside school and tell her if she ever jokes like that with my child again I'd put her in hospital. If she reported me I'd say 'awww it was just a joke, do you not know what a joke is? Next time don't go to the police, come to me' 😁

Straight to the head. Equally at this age politics are particularly rife and a lot would take to heart and also wouldn't get the joke. I know mine wouldn't anyway. She needs a better understanding of jokes though if that's the case. I'd be fuming!

I would not be happy with that, very bizarre way to act as a teacher surely and to expect her Year 2 pupils to understand it was a joke is unreasonable on her part

Unfortunately someone is going to “jump on you” over this. Me in fact. This teacher is basically reading passages from the abuser’s handbook at this point. If her bizarre idea of a “joke” hadn’t cinched it for you, the fact that she then bullied specific children in her class, in an effort to alienate them from their peers, should have.

Your claim that you are a “safeguarding professional” is hardly reassuring even if it is true, which I very much hope it isn’t. It’s as if a race car driver blithely mentioned that they’d crashed every car they’d ever driven.

I usually back teachers, but the kids are 6. The teacher should not be taking jokes too far. If she's upset 10 children, she's wrong.

Another (experienced) teacher here.

The initial "joke" was odd; badly thought through and perhaps indicates a lack of understanding of how a 6 year olds mind work as well as a lack of awareness of boundaries. That said, it was probably intended to be harmless. But she should've owned her mistake.

My real issue, however, is in telling the children not to tell their parents if they are concerned about something. MASSIVE red flag. She clearly realises she's made a mistake and is embarrassed but my goodness this is baaaaaaad!