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Original poster

The school have lost my child... twice

209 replies

Chizem · 10/03/2020 22:59

(Sorry if not in the right topic - very first post)

Today I had a phone call off the after school club telling me my 8 year old daughter hadn’t made her way from the classroom to the after school room. She goes every Tuesday and Thursday unless I say otherwise and my daughter knows this, as do the after school staff.
Its my sons 1st birthday today and we were at a farm 20 minutes away when I got the phone call. I said I would get there as quick as I could (their tone of voice made me feel like I was in the wrong for not being able to be there right away - but I wasn’t expecting to get a call saying they’d lost her!!)
So apparently, what happens is the after school kids go through the school and the rest are let outside to meet their parents. The teachers don’t know who goes to the club, they just take the children’s word for it.
So her teacher has allowed her to walk out of the classroom and she’s managed to walk to my parents house which is a 15 minute walk with two fairly busy roads (my parents were with me at the farm so nobody was in)
My mum had asked a friend to check to see if she was there and luckily she was, when we got there the headteacher was also there and she was very apologetic and I told her a register of some sort needs to be put in place so teachers know where kids are going! She agreed with me on this.
So hopefully something will change, but the staff at the afterschool club just made me feel as if I was at fault, they said they find it worrying that she has gone to my parents house and I said I think it’s a good job she went there and it’s not worrying at all, what is worrying is that she’s been able to leave the premises without anybody’s knowledge.

This is the second time they’ve ‘lost’ her. The first time, she walked across the field (where she meets me if I’m picking her up) and I wasn’t there as she was supposed to be at club, so another mom has thankfully realised she’s on her own and took her back to school reception. Club have called me to say she hasn’t turned up and reception have also called me asking to collect her. The two rooms are literally a 10 second walk from each other so god knows why they never checked with each other!! And again I felt like I was to blame.
So I’m just asking for some advice (as well as to get it off my chest) what would you do? My friends are saying to complain but I’ve already spoken to the headteacher who says things will change but should I take her word for it??

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FortunesFave · 10/03/2020 23:26

I think their system sounds lax as hell but I'm also thinking that at 8 your DD shouldn't be walking out of school when she knows she's got after school club.

Did she know? Had you told her?

Also, have you asked her why she left school instead of attending club?

outnumberedmummy · 10/03/2020 23:28

It is bad that the school let this happen, but why did your DD go to her nans?

BookMeOnTheSudExpress · 10/03/2020 23:29

Why does she leave the school when, as you say, she knows what days she goes?
Obviously, it's not good that the school haven't spotted she's done a runner but you need to drill it into her she must stop doing it.

Quartz2208 · 10/03/2020 23:30

Yes both sets are worrying

She knew and deliberately didn’t go
The teacher lost her
There is no system to tell them

Weregoingonanadventure · 10/03/2020 23:35

At 8,she shpuldmt ne doing that? Why did she walk off to your parents when she knew she had after school or when she realized you weren't there?

You really need to up your game with teaching her some sense.

That being said, there I'd mo excuse for the school to have let her out. They will have 4/5 year olds in the same position so they need a system in place to ensure the kids cannot leave. Even if they need fo issue armbands for you to put on the kids on after school days or something. I would be calling them tomorrow afternoon to ask what progress they have made on fixing this issue and also put a complaint in following the complaints procedure

drspouse · 10/03/2020 23:41

This is awful! At my DD school children in after school club are collected by the club.

Gemma2019 · 10/03/2020 23:42

Unless she has special needs, an 8 year old should be responsible enough to get herself to after school club. I agree that the school system needs to be changed, but your DD should be spoken to about this. Maybe she did it for attention to make a point about being left out of your DS' birthday party?

Doyoumind · 10/03/2020 23:43

Really? My DC's school doesn't let them out at that age alone and I don't know any school that does. They are 'given' directly to parents or the after school care. An 8yo should know better than to wander off by themselves to somewhere they weren't supposed to be.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 10/03/2020 23:48

My DDs have attended 3 schools. School 1, they could walk home themselves from Yr3 if parent had signed form (realistically, the only parents signing that young had an older sibling at the school).
School 2, they had to be 10yrs old- otherwise the bus supervisor would not let them off the bus unless an approved adult was present.
School 3, it's Ye 5. Any younger the child is released straight to parent.

Your whole system sounds a bit lax.

Whatsnewpussyhat · 10/03/2020 23:49

Surely the bloody teacher would know that your DD goes to the club every week on those days.

At 8 though why the hell is your DD purposely leaving school on her own? And why not go home rather than to GP's

OhCaptain · 10/03/2020 23:51

Very lax system but why does your dd keep wandering out of school?

Does she understand when she’s supposed to go to club?

HonestlyItsFine · 10/03/2020 23:51

Are children just let unsupervised into the playground to meet their parents?
The biggest issue is that, if so. If they were taken outside and only "released" to a parent, then none of that could have happened. Pick up sounds lax at best.

SD1978 · 10/03/2020 23:52

Whilst it's scary- your daughter know a she's supposed to be there. She chose to leave school grounds without an adult twice- I'm afraid I see this as her responsibility was she annoyed that you'd all gone to a farm?

StillDisappointed · 10/03/2020 23:56

I'd be angry at the school but also really cross with DD.

The school should definitely have some sort of register/system in place to ensure the child is where they're supposed to be.
A stranger could grab her, she could hurt herself or anything and by the sounds of it no one would know?

However, DD (assuming no SN) shouldn't be leaving the school on days she knows are club days.
I'd sit her down and tell her that quite firmly because she's old enough to know better really.

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 10/03/2020 23:57

Lax system. Agreed.

Surely the ASC can leave a list every day with the class teacher of who is booked in to ASC and those children can all go together with teacher checking them off the list as they go?

managedmis · 10/03/2020 23:59

Really really bad.

CtrlU · 10/03/2020 23:59

I wouldn’t be happy with the school at all !

The school need to be more responsible with safeguarding children in my opinion.

Fair enough your daughter shouldn’t have strayed but she really shouldn’t have the opportunity to do so. The school are responsible for her whilst she’s there

CtrlU · 11/03/2020 00:01

My children’s school have an after school
Club register and someone will collect the children from their classes and take them to the after school club room. Nobody wanders off and teachers certainly don’t take CHILDRENS word for gospel

Thepigeonsarecoming · 11/03/2020 00:02

I agree your daughter needs to do some explaining as to why she’s not gone straight to after school club twice. Was she perhaps jealous she was missing out on brothers birthday at the farm and attention seeking?

However I’m surprised this could happen. At DDs infant school the children would gather outside in a group and the teacher would call each name. Parents would then collect their child. I don’t understand how your daughter could wander off alone twice without an adult ‘claiming’ her??

GrumpyHoonMain · 11/03/2020 00:07

I agree at 8 your DD needs some common sense. My DN is 8 and would never leave school like that.

TheHagOnTheHill · 11/03/2020 00:08

So many people thinking that an 8 year old should take the responsibility.
No primary school child should be allowed to leave the premises at this age.No adult should be passing the responsibility to the child.
I would want in writing from the Head how things will change.
It's a while back but the times I was late DD and other children were taken to reception and had to be signed out(happened to me twice and I was able to phone)

IdblowJonSnow · 11/03/2020 00:11

That's terrible.
At my school they are collected for after school club.
They aren't all8wed to walk home alone until at least year 5 and that's only with written consent.
They aren't allowed to leave until teacher has seen a parent/carer.
Absolutely anything could have happened, I would put in a formal complaint and escalate to governors.
And no, she shouldn't have wondered off but far more to the point, she shouldn't have been able to.
An 8 year old should not be held accountable for this.

browneyesblue · 11/03/2020 00:18

At DCs school, 8 year olds make their own way to the playground, where they are met by their parents. If their parents aren't there, they return to the classroom or office. An child that age would not be expected to leave the school grounds without a parent or carer.

You say that your DD usually meets you across the field - is that still on school property, or does she meet you off school grounds?

Just to offer some context, at 8 many pools allow children to swim unaccompanied. Barring any additional needs, I would certainly expect an 8 year old to be responsible enough not to leave the school without their adult.

strawberrylipgloss · 11/03/2020 00:25

The school is too lax but your dd is old enough to walk back to school if an adult is t there.

At my son's school, from Y3 kids were released to the playground and if they couldn't find an adult, walked back to the exit that they came out of. ASC were collected from the classroom- some kids attend adhoc and can get the day of the week muddled up as adults do.

GreenWheat · 11/03/2020 00:47

I am gobsmacked that the school releases children that young from the classroom door without sight of the adult picking them up. What tosh coming from people trying lay the blame at your daughter's feet. The school system is appalling and your daughter has highlighted that. Children could be snatched from the playground under their current system, they need to change it.