The school have lost my child... twice

[Chizem]

(Sorry if not in the right topic - very first post)

Today I had a phone call off the after school club telling me my 8 year old daughter hadn’t made her way from the classroom to the after school room. She goes every Tuesday and Thursday unless I say otherwise and my daughter knows this, as do the after school staff.
Its my sons 1st birthday today and we were at a farm 20 minutes away when I got the phone call. I said I would get there as quick as I could (their tone of voice made me feel like I was in the wrong for not being able to be there right away - but I wasn’t expecting to get a call saying they’d lost her!!)
So apparently, what happens is the after school kids go through the school and the rest are let outside to meet their parents. The teachers don’t know who goes to the club, they just take the children’s word for it.
So her teacher has allowed her to walk out of the classroom and she’s managed to walk to my parents house which is a 15 minute walk with two fairly busy roads (my parents were with me at the farm so nobody was in)
My mum had asked a friend to check to see if she was there and luckily she was, when we got there the headteacher was also there and she was very apologetic and I told her a register of some sort needs to be put in place so teachers know where kids are going! She agreed with me on this.
So hopefully something will change, but the staff at the afterschool club just made me feel as if I was at fault, they said they find it worrying that she has gone to my parents house and I said I think it’s a good job she went there and it’s not worrying at all, what is worrying is that she’s been able to leave the premises without anybody’s knowledge.

This is the second time they’ve ‘lost’ her. The first time, she walked across the field (where she meets me if I’m picking her up) and I wasn’t there as she was supposed to be at club, so another mom has thankfully realised she’s on her own and took her back to school reception. Club have called me to say she hasn’t turned up and reception have also called me asking to collect her. The two rooms are literally a 10 second walk from each other so god knows why they never checked with each other!! And again I felt like I was to blame.
So I’m just asking for some advice (as well as to get it off my chest) what would you do? My friends are saying to complain but I’ve already spoken to the headteacher who says things will change but should I take her word for it??

**dd not dad obvs

Really weird to me. At our primary, all DCs have to be handed over by a teacher, to a known adult. That can be a parent etc, or the after-school club staff who come to collect their troupe.

They won't let you take someone else's child, even if they know that child is going to your house that day, if their parent has forgotten to let them know, so authorise you to collect.

So I find this after-school club situation and you being able to 'collect' from across a field, equally weird.

To be fair to the school this isn't losing a child, this is a child deciding for themselves to leave.

Every school is different in the way children are dismissed, at 8 years old there are many children at our school not being picked up and walking home in groups or alone. It's very normal.

But I also think you should be extremely concerned about your dd choosing to 'wander off' and go to her GPs house - especially given on thing she does know is that she is not supposed to do that and is not expected there.

It's very subversive behaviour and, if she's unsure where she's meant to be, the fact she doesn't find an adult (teacher or after school person) and say so, shows poor communication skills and immaturity on her part.

It seems clear she did this deliberately to push a boundary and see what she could get away with. I'd be really, really concerned about that.

Blimey I'd be furious.

DS is 7. His school have a system that until year 2 if the child is not collected by 15 minutes after school closes they automatically get sent to after school club and the parent is charged. It does concentrate minds a bit.

However, it is a private school so they may have a bit more flexibility. I'd be spitting blood if they lost him though. The school is in loco parentis and have a duty of care.

Your DD needs to learn not to wander off though. I know its a silly idea but does she have packed lunch? I have a friend whose 9 year old dd is a bit absent minded and attends after school club ad hoc.
On club days she's given her a specific lunch bag and her mum has trained her to check which bag she has before she leaves school. Obviously not fool proof but worth a try?

Ireland here too.

Only a couple of kids (SN) get brought out from 1st class. Year 2?

Everyone else - bell goes and it’s a free for all.

I’m quite surprised at your dd’s behaviour. What do you think is going on with her?

My DS school won't release a child except to a nominated adult. I showed up the other day forgetting there was club and they'd already made sure he was in club, though offered to get him if I wanted. DDs school aren't meant to release them similarly but regularly do, thankfully most of the DC will just go to a friends adult however if they were determined to go off then nothing is in place to stop them. It's an issue many parents have raised. They and your school need to tighten their systems

I'm not sure which I find most appalling.
The school and the club in their "failure of duty to care"

The school trying to blame the parent or ther posters who seem to think the child should not be sent to a club and that the parent should be available!!

I think as much as you say your daughter didn’t know about the farm trip, she had the idea something was happening.

I’d be beyond angry. Complain to the local authority and OFSTED too. The implications are massive.

For all those saying why is an 8 year old wandering off, that’s completely irrelevant. It’s clear the school do not have proper measures in place. A register would be the most basic thing and they don’t even have that!

NOT the child's fault FFS, she is 8. OP, make a big fuss please. This is not ok. Your daughter's school should not be releasing children on their own. Either she's escorted to after school club, or a nominated adult collects her. Nothing else is acceptable.

Assad - the poster needs to go through the school's official complaints procedure first and then through governors.

Apologies *Aswad

So at your schools in the UK every single child is escorted out of the school at home time?

It must take hours for them all to get out!

At our school primary 4 upwards (so about age 8) take themselves to after school club, they can also walk themselves home or meet adults somewhere outside school grounds again with adult approval. When I get to that stage with my ds he'd have VERY strict instructions on what to do (go back to the office) if i wasn't where he expected me to be.
Its an important step on the way to independence (most of our p6 and 7s walk themselves to and from school).

You need to work out if your child is wilfully absconding or just getting confused as the solution is different depending.

You're very defensive, OP.

Yes, it's a huge safeguarding issue and one that got a school I know of an 'Inadequate' OFSTED, not checking the register of an activity so students just buggered off and didn't arrive at the appointed place.

When I had guides also I allowed the girls to go out to the street and find their parents' cars and the older ones with permission to walk home to do so. Girls were instructed strictly that if their parents weren't there they should come back into the hall to wait. All parents were informed of this and happy. If a girl had wanted to run away between the hall and parents car they could have but there's a difference between safeguarding and being a jailer!

Yes they are escorted out and no it doesn't take long. The teacher brings their class out and hands each child over to their grown-up, in the playground. Any 'left over' after about ten minutes, are taken into the school office.

In my day we were just let out from age 7 (Junior School). These days, parents don't usually give permission for that until Year 5 or 6 (age 9-11), or leave it until secondary school.

So you have to give permission? So teachers could still be waking 11 year olds out of school?

That’s insane!

8 year olds should be perfectly capable of taking themselves out the front door! Madness!

@OhCaptain I’m in Ireland and I also teach. In both schools the teachers must stand in the yard and the children tell them and they acknowledge who has come to collect them. That is one rural school and one city school.

You all blaming the school

Its your DAUGHTER you should be angry with OP not the staff.

Jesus, some of the posters on here are living in a parallel universe...

OP, it is unacceptable that the school do not have a system in place to ensure that children in their care don't leave the premises without an adult, unless there is an existing arrangement for older children and the school have that info on record.

You pay for her to go to after school club every Tuesday and Thursday. As long as she is on that register, they are in loco parentis and are legally responsible for her safety and wellbeing. It's the equivalent of them trying to make it your fault if she wanders off school grounds at lunch time.

For all the posters shaming you for having a life at university, or with another child, I hope they're all sitting at home each and every day in case their kids are allowed to wander off unaccompanied by a chronically lax school.

Our local primary lets 8 year old walk home alone (small village) and at the same age, I had to wander out of school in the middle of German city and get on the correct bus or take myself to my after school activities so I don't think 8 year olds should need that level of supervision.

However, the school should have a better policy for getting children to the after school class than what the OP describes.

But I think you also need to explore why she hates the after school club so much she's walking out of school to avoid it. Is it because she feels left out? Absolutely you should be doing things with your baby whilst she is at school but the school day gives plenty of opportunity for that. I think my eldest would be heart broken if I celebrated his sister's birthday without him.

We were planning on picking her up earlier to celebrate her brothers birthday.

Any chance she overheard you talking about that?

@Maythelordopen1 even from 2nd class??