The school have lost my child... twice

[Chizem]

(Sorry if not in the right topic - very first post)

Today I had a phone call off the after school club telling me my 8 year old daughter hadn’t made her way from the classroom to the after school room. She goes every Tuesday and Thursday unless I say otherwise and my daughter knows this, as do the after school staff.
Its my sons 1st birthday today and we were at a farm 20 minutes away when I got the phone call. I said I would get there as quick as I could (their tone of voice made me feel like I was in the wrong for not being able to be there right away - but I wasn’t expecting to get a call saying they’d lost her!!)
So apparently, what happens is the after school kids go through the school and the rest are let outside to meet their parents. The teachers don’t know who goes to the club, they just take the children’s word for it.
So her teacher has allowed her to walk out of the classroom and she’s managed to walk to my parents house which is a 15 minute walk with two fairly busy roads (my parents were with me at the farm so nobody was in)
My mum had asked a friend to check to see if she was there and luckily she was, when we got there the headteacher was also there and she was very apologetic and I told her a register of some sort needs to be put in place so teachers know where kids are going! She agreed with me on this.
So hopefully something will change, but the staff at the afterschool club just made me feel as if I was at fault, they said they find it worrying that she has gone to my parents house and I said I think it’s a good job she went there and it’s not worrying at all, what is worrying is that she’s been able to leave the premises without anybody’s knowledge.

This is the second time they’ve ‘lost’ her. The first time, she walked across the field (where she meets me if I’m picking her up) and I wasn’t there as she was supposed to be at club, so another mom has thankfully realised she’s on her own and took her back to school reception. Club have called me to say she hasn’t turned up and reception have also called me asking to collect her. The two rooms are literally a 10 second walk from each other so god knows why they never checked with each other!! And again I felt like I was to blame.
So I’m just asking for some advice (as well as to get it off my chest) what would you do? My friends are saying to complain but I’ve already spoken to the headteacher who says things will change but should I take her word for it??

Well it's clear she doesn't like doing the after school club. Any reason why she has to?

In Ireland and all classes up to 5th class have to be collected by an adult ,only 6th class allowed to walk home alone. Small school so teachers can see the parents waving and the child is left out of the school grounds then

I'm in Ireland that should say

So OP if a child isn’t going to ASC they are allowed to leave without being assigned to a parent, so that is why you used to meet her across the field?

If that is the school policy and they phone you when your child hasn’t turned up at ASC, a lot of this is down to your DD.

How large a school is it? How many children go to ASC? Is it practical for someone to get children from classrooms to ASC? I think when DS was at Primary School the class teacher had a list of which clubs pupils were going to, but they weren’t escorted to them. KS1 pupils were handed to parents but KS2 pupils weren’t.

Why is she in after school club tuesday/thursday if you're free enough to be having farm trips out with the baby?
Is she maybe feeling that shes less wanted if you're paying for someone else to take her 2 days a week rather than coming home to you?

Surely the bloody teacher would know that your DD goes to the club every week on those days.

30 children who may attend on one day and not another, unless the moon is full and then they don't.

OP

I think you have a reason to complain but I think working with the school is probably better.

Your dd needs to know that if you are not there to meet her she has to go back to reception.

As for the school, a rubber wristband given out at morning registration for those going to after school club might work.

I'm not sure meeting her at the door would have prevented this.
It happened because you weren't going to be at the door, or at the other side of the field (personally I dont have an issue with this). DD decided not to do what she was supposed to, and school didnt prevent it.
Presumably, if she meets you at the field, you have given permission for her to leave school unaccompanied? Would school have stopped her if you met her at the door MWF, and prevented her going to her Grandparents?
What would your daughter do if you weren't there to collect on a MWF? It is worth having that conversation too, so you both know what she will do if you are late one day.
Hope your heart rate has slowed down. I've had that phone call too (in week 2 in a new country), its horrible.

How many children will keep those wristbands on, or spend all lessons playing with them?

In many schools junior age children are just released at the end of the day.

The school didn't "lose" her, she left!

I'd be absolutely furious with my child if they did this, it was really dangerous behaviour.

Our school is the same as some PP, the ASC staff come around and collect their lot before the bell rings so there's no confusion.

One child walked out of school and almost got hit by a car and another walked home alone aged 5 and everyone was in a mad panic then so they changed the whole system and now kids aren't released until their teacher sees a parent. If someone the teacher doesn't know by sight is collecting them we have to phone in and provide them with a password. The gates are all locked all day other than at the start and end of school.

As sensible as we think our kids are, they do stupid things because their brains are not fully developed, it's par for the course.

Weird how people on here seem to think no child under the age of 16 should be left at home whilst a parents pops to the shop, in an environment they know really well, but an 8 year old should be allowed to just go out of school where they could get lost or hurt by themselves with nobody having a clue where they are

This is bad on the part of the school. I'm surprised to see people blame the child. Yes, an 8 year old should know better but it's the school's responsibility to plan for the fact that children so frequently DON'T know better.
I would certainly be having words. They need to have a better system.

This is a safe guarding issue - and a major one.

Our after school club works like this - After school club supervisor goes to each class with list of kids names and checks them off as they get their coats/bags etc.

All walked down to designated room for after school club.

Kids who are being collected by parents, leave by their classroom door (with teacher at door checking parent is there).

There should be a school safe guarding policy about what happens. I would make a complaint to headmaster and person in charge of after school club and school governors.

Sorry- I didn’t see that you didn’t mention your outing to her. It sounded sad first read.

I have a similar issue at school in that my daughter is allowed to leave the teacher when she has a club but on normal days the teacher has to release her to me personally. Fortunately my daughter doesn’t wander off but there would be that risk for us too.

If you consider your daughter responsible enough to meet you outside school grounds a certain amount of days a week, then you can’t blame the school for her wandering off on the days she’s meant to wait. In most schools children are either allowed home on their own, or they’re not. Why should it be up to the school to keep records of what every single pupil should be doing every day of the week? Your daughter can obviously not be trusted, so she should be not allowed out alone..

I was your DD many years ago OP. Used to get school bus home, no adult on it apart from the driver. One day decided to get off a few stops early and go to my best friend’s house. Best friend’s mum was a bit dopey, managed to persuade her that this was a pre arranged play date which my mum had agreed to, and that BF’s mum had forgotten about.

Now I am older, wiser and a mum myself, I am so sorry I caused my mum that awful feeling of dread when I didn’t turn up at home when I should have done (used to walk the short distance from the bus stop to home).

My mum phoned the school and then all friend’s mums and obviously located me. My mum explained how worried she was, told me she had phoned the police (don’t know if she did). I realised what a stupid thing I had done and never did it again. Still remember my mum’s face today, 40 years on.

Time to have a serious chat with your DD. Yes school can change their arrangements but your DD needs to step up too.

I have an 8 year old and he would be responsible to know when he should be at after school club. Especially if it's the same two days every week. The school should also know what list of students per class need to go to after school club. Sounds like a lot of miscommunication.

I agree with PP, the school system sounds rubbish but equally, if your daughter knew she should have been in after school club and chose not to go then she would be in BIG trouble if she were mine..... I would teach her that if she can't see anyone to collect her to just wait, not set off anywhere, and go back into school if no-one appears after a few minutes xxx

what the heck? Thats horrendous. My kids got to afterschool and they seem to turn up just before kids are lead outside to meet the parents and take those which are on their register that day. My kids mostly have the same pattern each week but on the days where I've cancelled the afterschool club, theres never been any confusion - they've appeared at the school doors with all the rest of the kids meeting their parents. I'd be so upset if this happened.

@egginabap I’m usually at uni on Tuesday and Thursday and have no other childcare options, I had no lecture that day but I have to pay whether she goes or not. We were planning on picking her up earlier to celebrate her brothers birthday.

Well, this certainly needs reporting. Have you done so op?

I ran an after school club and have worked in others.
One-staff collected ks1 before the bell rang. Ks2 ch got themselves there but we're signed in. Staff had a list by each door and would call those children to the inside door and others lined up by the playground door.

@StormTreader I’m usually at uni, but had no class this week, my eldest would have got picked up earlier yesterday anyway to celebrate with her brother.

This is appalling on behalf of the school.

Our after school club have name lists which are given to the teachers so they can check who is and isn’t at club.

But I’m that the school let her go without properly handing over to an adult?

I also would tell my 8 year old off too harshly because they’re the child after all. The responsible adults around them, including the parent, should make sure they’re looked after.

Ok yes, at 8 ideally your dd should know what the plan is and follow those instructions..HOWEVER, plans change, mistakes happen (when you’re 8) and to safeguard against this the school should absolutely be on it!! Is this in the UK? Ofsted would be 😱...absolutely school procedures must be changed to prevent this happening again. Our school doesn’t even let the kids leave the premises with an adult the staff don’t recognise without written parental consent and the child confirming (unprompted) the name of the adult at the doors let alone allowing them to leave unaccompanied. But, in addition, we are expected to email in with any variation to the child’s normal routine ie ‘x won’t get the bus today, they’re going to x club’ - were the school aware your dad was meant to be in the club? Their entire communication processes need to be reviewed!