The school have lost my child... twice

[Chizem]

(Sorry if not in the right topic - very first post)

Today I had a phone call off the after school club telling me my 8 year old daughter hadn’t made her way from the classroom to the after school room. She goes every Tuesday and Thursday unless I say otherwise and my daughter knows this, as do the after school staff.
Its my sons 1st birthday today and we were at a farm 20 minutes away when I got the phone call. I said I would get there as quick as I could (their tone of voice made me feel like I was in the wrong for not being able to be there right away - but I wasn’t expecting to get a call saying they’d lost her!!)
So apparently, what happens is the after school kids go through the school and the rest are let outside to meet their parents. The teachers don’t know who goes to the club, they just take the children’s word for it.
So her teacher has allowed her to walk out of the classroom and she’s managed to walk to my parents house which is a 15 minute walk with two fairly busy roads (my parents were with me at the farm so nobody was in)
My mum had asked a friend to check to see if she was there and luckily she was, when we got there the headteacher was also there and she was very apologetic and I told her a register of some sort needs to be put in place so teachers know where kids are going! She agreed with me on this.
So hopefully something will change, but the staff at the afterschool club just made me feel as if I was at fault, they said they find it worrying that she has gone to my parents house and I said I think it’s a good job she went there and it’s not worrying at all, what is worrying is that she’s been able to leave the premises without anybody’s knowledge.

This is the second time they’ve ‘lost’ her. The first time, she walked across the field (where she meets me if I’m picking her up) and I wasn’t there as she was supposed to be at club, so another mom has thankfully realised she’s on her own and took her back to school reception. Club have called me to say she hasn’t turned up and reception have also called me asking to collect her. The two rooms are literally a 10 second walk from each other so god knows why they never checked with each other!! And again I felt like I was to blame.
So I’m just asking for some advice (as well as to get it off my chest) what would you do? My friends are saying to complain but I’ve already spoken to the headteacher who says things will change but should I take her word for it??

@bullshitVivienne thank you for taking the time out of your wild Friday night to point it out. Everyone knows what I mean, including yourself mumsnet is petty lol.

Actually, there’s just 3 years’ difference, which flies by.

Uh, were you under the impression I was struggling to count from 8 to 11?

You think expectations of an 8 year old should be the same as those of an 11 year old because "3 years just flies by"? Ohhhh kaaaay...

@Iwalkinmyclothing I agree, there was an 11 year old at our sons birthday party and she’d gone from loving shopkins and LOLs and would happily play with my daughter only a couple of years ago to having the attitude of a teenager and thinking a bouncy castle is for ‘kids’. Definitely a massive difference.

If your DD already thinks she can do what she wants at 8 and can walk out of the school without consequences, you will have your work well cut out for you when she is a teenager.

@grouchoMrx I suppose your offspring are little angels yes? Many kids make stupid mistakes, doesn’t mean they’re destined to be trouble when they’re older. I’m getting bored of saying it now, but she’s aware she’s done wrong and won’t do it again.
Ps, other than reminding her in the morning (which I already do) how do you expect me to make sure she gets to afc when the whole reason she goes is because I can’t take care of her during that period??

You think expectations of an 8 year old should be the same as those of an 11 year old because "3 years just flies by"? Ohhhh kaaaay...

I think you have 3 years to move from the expectations of an 8 year old to the expectations of an 11 year old.

You do this by adding a little extra responsibility each year.

E.g. 7 yo might never be left without adult supervision. 8 yo might be given small moments of independence, eg. walk unaccompanied through a school corridor from their classroom to the after school club room, 9 yo might be trusted to stay home alone for 10 minutes whilst you pop to a neighbour/the shop/etc, 10 yo might be trusted to walk to the shop/neighbour/etc themselves, 11 yo is probably going to have to be trusted to walk to a bus stop, board the correct bus, get themselves to lessons on time and reverse the entire process at the end of the day.

Whole thing is a lot easier if you start a few years in advance of need.

I genuinely don’t mean to be contentious or criticise, but it seems to creep up on people.

At my school the after school club children are released first and at that age, we trust them to make their way to the club by the self.

All other children are greeted by the parent at the door.

The school is at fault for not realising DD had left the premises, but I would say DD is more at fault for wandering off.

I would let the school know as then they can keep her by the teachers side until you have either picked her up, or they can walk her to club

Our After School Club collect the children from the classroom before the other children leave for the day as does the after school child care to try an avoid this situation

Totally crazy that school allows kids to leave school premises without a designated guardian. My daughter's school wouldn't even hand my daughter over to her grandparents without me letting the school know they were collecting her. How insane to allow 8 year olds to just wander off in their own. It's 100% the school's fault and everyone on here blaming an 8-year-old for not being more responsible than the teachers in whose care she has been left - is just bonkers. What if a stranger were to come and collect the kid? Would the school even notice given that they clearly have no safeguarding rules for pick ups? No 8-year-old should be allowed to leave school on their own, unless the parents have signed specific consent (even then my daughter's school only allows this feom year 6 onwards).