The school have lost my child... twice

[Chizem]

(Sorry if not in the right topic - very first post)

Today I had a phone call off the after school club telling me my 8 year old daughter hadn’t made her way from the classroom to the after school room. She goes every Tuesday and Thursday unless I say otherwise and my daughter knows this, as do the after school staff.
Its my sons 1st birthday today and we were at a farm 20 minutes away when I got the phone call. I said I would get there as quick as I could (their tone of voice made me feel like I was in the wrong for not being able to be there right away - but I wasn’t expecting to get a call saying they’d lost her!!)
So apparently, what happens is the after school kids go through the school and the rest are let outside to meet their parents. The teachers don’t know who goes to the club, they just take the children’s word for it.
So her teacher has allowed her to walk out of the classroom and she’s managed to walk to my parents house which is a 15 minute walk with two fairly busy roads (my parents were with me at the farm so nobody was in)
My mum had asked a friend to check to see if she was there and luckily she was, when we got there the headteacher was also there and she was very apologetic and I told her a register of some sort needs to be put in place so teachers know where kids are going! She agreed with me on this.
So hopefully something will change, but the staff at the afterschool club just made me feel as if I was at fault, they said they find it worrying that she has gone to my parents house and I said I think it’s a good job she went there and it’s not worrying at all, what is worrying is that she’s been able to leave the premises without anybody’s knowledge.

This is the second time they’ve ‘lost’ her. The first time, she walked across the field (where she meets me if I’m picking her up) and I wasn’t there as she was supposed to be at club, so another mom has thankfully realised she’s on her own and took her back to school reception. Club have called me to say she hasn’t turned up and reception have also called me asking to collect her. The two rooms are literally a 10 second walk from each other so god knows why they never checked with each other!! And again I felt like I was to blame.
So I’m just asking for some advice (as well as to get it off my chest) what would you do? My friends are saying to complain but I’ve already spoken to the headteacher who says things will change but should I take her word for it??

When I was that age we were just let out of the classroom and found our own way to after school clubs/parents/home. My sons school is the same. They just let them leave however kids with clubs after school are expected to know to wait for club organiser to come get them/go to the correct room if it’s in the pre-prep building. I’m sure that for children who struggle they could arrange escorts but for a normal child it’s neither necessary nor helpful to take away that independence and responsibility. So long as they flag up missing children, as they have in your case, that should be more than enough for children that age.

The first time, she walked across the field (where she meets me if I’m picking her up) and I wasn’t there

Does this mean that your child is allowed to leave school on her own when you are collecting her? I think you could solve this by telling her she is to remain on school premises until she is met by you or another carer. Worst case scenario then would be that she would be in the pick up area when she needed to go to after school care. And she would then be spotted by a teacher or remember to go to after school.

Even if she forgets that she has after school club why would she decide she could leave without an adult?

I think it's not really school fault. You pick her up from across the field, so school is letting children go without parents/carer collecting them, and you are happy with this.
My dc's school is the same. After first term of ks2, children can be picked up, or go home on their own. So this could have happened at our school too, and I don't think the school is at fault. At least they realised her missing and contacted you.

@Chizem I did. I still don’t think it’s right.

The school should have better procedures in place.

The school is at fault and should have a way better system in place.

It shouldn't matter whether a child decides they don't want to be at after school club, the situation should never arise where they're allowed to wander off alone.

Once is poor enough, twice is absolutely dire.

The first time she did this the school should have looked at their processes and tightened them up so it couldn’t happen.
Your role as a parent is to make it absolutely clear her behaviour is unacceptable, which you have done. The school’s role is to put in place measures which make it impossible for a child to just wander off like that, particularly after one incident. You don’t give a wandering child the benefit of the doubt, you take them to Club or someone from Club pops down to get them.

The first time though she walked off to where her mother always stands so I don’t see how that’s the schools fault? Mum is obviously normally happy to stand waiting across the field.

I would talk to the school about how to stop this happening again, including as the daughter obviously isn’t as sensible and mature as the OP likes to think arranging with staff that she is handed over to her at the door and if mum isn’t there she is taken to ASC

Unless she has sn, at 8 she should be able to take herself to the afterschool club without the teacher accompanying her (obviously all the other kids manage). At 8 mine walked home alone. I'm wondering if it's deliberate?

When my DC were at primary, after the first few weeks of KS2 they were just let out of class at hometime. They weren't delivered to a parent/carer. School didn't "lose" your DD, she decided to leave. The club called you when she didn't arrive.

When the younger SmallDragons were at home and older ones at school, I went it and did stuff with them. I didn't stay at home. I remember taking DD to soft play to celebrate her 2nd birthday - no older SmallDragons ran away from school or home. I'm not sure what is wrong with doing stuff whilst the older ones are at school - it would be madness not to.

Agree that the school should have better procedures, but I think the real issue is that she normally leaves school without you there. If she was used to waiting for you to collect her, I doubt this would be happening.

I can understand where some of you are coming from when you mention that I’m ok with meeting her on the school field (I can see her walk through the school gate) however, every Tuesday and Thursday without fail, she is at after school club and has been since September. She shouldn’t be let out of school on those two days (l think I mentioned that the AFC kids walk through internally) and the other three days I know I’m going to be there and will see her walk out.

So she should know that too. If your that concerned then stand at the door!

Are people suggesting it’s not ok to do things with preschool child while older child is in school? What are we supposed to do with them then?

@okiedokieme it was deliberate, she told me she just didn’t want to go, I know she’s completely in the wrong for doing this and she knows that after yesterday. But I can’t understand why there isn’t a list for the teachers to just have a look at at the end of the day that says “parent collecting” or “at after school club”

I think the solution is obvious.

You meet her at the door.

Maybe she was upset that you were all having a birthday outing at the farm without her.

But didn’t ASC contact you when she didn’t turn up?

If you have an arrangement where she is allowed to leave school without an adult being on school grounds, then you think she is responsible enough to get where she is meant to be going. I would be changing that arrangement as she is obviously not responsible enough.

And don’t worry, I will be meeting her at the door in future, i don’t think I need to be told that.

@Cissyandflora we didn’t mention it to her

Of course the school is to blame here! 8 year olds are impulsive and immature and the school has a duty of care to keep them safe.

I'd definitely be raising this with the governors and ofsted, especially as it's happened twice now.

@Clangus00 ok i’ll stay at home all day in future, thanks

Where does it end though? An 8 year old should be able to get to the after school club on her own straight away. Schools can’t monitor children all the time. That fence is too low. On the school trip some children are round a corner. Drum it into your own children to be sensible and be aware.