The school have lost my child... twice

[Chizem]

(Sorry if not in the right topic - very first post)

Today I had a phone call off the after school club telling me my 8 year old daughter hadn’t made her way from the classroom to the after school room. She goes every Tuesday and Thursday unless I say otherwise and my daughter knows this, as do the after school staff.
Its my sons 1st birthday today and we were at a farm 20 minutes away when I got the phone call. I said I would get there as quick as I could (their tone of voice made me feel like I was in the wrong for not being able to be there right away - but I wasn’t expecting to get a call saying they’d lost her!!)
So apparently, what happens is the after school kids go through the school and the rest are let outside to meet their parents. The teachers don’t know who goes to the club, they just take the children’s word for it.
So her teacher has allowed her to walk out of the classroom and she’s managed to walk to my parents house which is a 15 minute walk with two fairly busy roads (my parents were with me at the farm so nobody was in)
My mum had asked a friend to check to see if she was there and luckily she was, when we got there the headteacher was also there and she was very apologetic and I told her a register of some sort needs to be put in place so teachers know where kids are going! She agreed with me on this.
So hopefully something will change, but the staff at the afterschool club just made me feel as if I was at fault, they said they find it worrying that she has gone to my parents house and I said I think it’s a good job she went there and it’s not worrying at all, what is worrying is that she’s been able to leave the premises without anybody’s knowledge.

This is the second time they’ve ‘lost’ her. The first time, she walked across the field (where she meets me if I’m picking her up) and I wasn’t there as she was supposed to be at club, so another mom has thankfully realised she’s on her own and took her back to school reception. Club have called me to say she hasn’t turned up and reception have also called me asking to collect her. The two rooms are literally a 10 second walk from each other so god knows why they never checked with each other!! And again I felt like I was to blame.
So I’m just asking for some advice (as well as to get it off my chest) what would you do? My friends are saying to complain but I’ve already spoken to the headteacher who says things will change but should I take her word for it??

It sounds like once they realised she wasn’t there and should be, they have rang you.

They should make sure she was there to start with, though. If the school had adequate supervision in place, she wouldn't have been able to walk out and to her grandparents' house in the first place.

Wow I find this intriguing!

From age 5 or 6 my kids have been in an unfenced school and free to wonder where they like.

They wait outside the classroom for parent or nanny etc. if not they walk to after school club by themselves.

My dd only went occasionally so I wrote it in permanent marker on her hand to remind her! But there was absolutely nothing to stop her walking off to the park or home if she wanted to. The teacher kept a general eye out and was available for children to come to her if not collected but it wouldn't be impossible to walk towards after school club then disappear off premises.

Agree with others that children need to understand the rules and expectations. It wouldn't occur to dd that she had an option!

It seems like there are total divide between parents who thinks it's fine to let the child go on their own after certain age, and who thinks it's unacceptable.
At my school it was working perfectly. Some parents still went to meet their children, and some just walked home on their own or with friends.
I wouldn't be happy if the the school change the policy that they all needed to be handed over to the parent or carer.

Maybe school have certain responsibility to have made sure she was properly monitored since it wasn't the first time. But also op should have made the change too, that she meets her inside school gate, and spoke to the teacher they made sure she isn't let out but to go to the club on certain days. I don't think it will happen again tbh. She is now known to do this by school staff.

It sounds like once they realised she wasn’t there and should be, they have rang you.

They should make sure she was there to start with, though. If the school had adequate supervision in place, she wouldn't have been able to walk out and to her grandparents' house in the first place.

But the after school club is in the same building/attached by internal doors. She is old enough to walk herself from one classroom to another, knowing full well that she had a club

@paperdollss they shouldn’t have let her go outside, AFC children are supposed to make their way through the internal doors.

lol no, I just don’t see how you wanting to know how I’ve dealt with my child is relevant.

It shows where you think the fault lies. You come across as one of those “my little Jeannie can’t be blamed” parents.

NOT the child's fault FFS, she is 8

Yes, 8. Not 4. Perfectly capable of following an instruction to go from classroom A to Hall B for ASC. She can’t be that stupid if she managed to get herself across two busy roads and back to a relative’s house.

OP until what age do you think your dd should be constantly watched to ensure she doesnt leave school without permission?

Well the school have decided the class teacher should have a register now, so hopefully shouldn't happen again, and you can check with the teacher if that has been put in place. Will you tell the teacher that you will need to be at the door/gate on the days you pick up at normal end of school time. What is the procedure when you pick up from ASC?

Be interesting to see if your DD tries to duck out of ASC again.

@mintymabel haha

Can you find out what actual door she left from? In our juniors years 3-6 are let out of one door en masse, years 3-4 have to tell a teacher when they can see their parent and once teacher verified who’s picking up they can leave, it is the responsibility of the child as well as the teacher because it’s impossible to see where tens and tens of children are going, I know that sounds irresponsible of the school when I say it like that but this is the same/similar set up in schools up and down the country. Has she left through the same door as everyone else or has slipped through another entrance? Our school has buttons high up you push to release the door but lots of the juniors are able to reach.

@Porcupineinwaiting never said she had to be constantly watched, there needs to be a list for the teacher, who can call out their names and then they can head down to the AFC. Simple.

Why does she think it’s ok at 8 to leave school without an adult? Why does she not say ‘miss, miss, my mum’s not here to get me!’ like other 8yos? The teacher would then have said ‘ah, you’re in after-school club’ and got her there.
She’s being a minx. She knows.

Jesus. School don't let my 7.5 year old leave school without view of me first. He won't be able to leave the school gates without an adult until year 5.

Yes, your dd has been totally stupid, but let's be clear here the school have a duty of care and they are the adults here. I seriously hope they've learned a lesson.

Oh and my daughter is about to turn one, if she had a birthday on a school day we would also go and celebrate it without ds. For goodness sake what are we supposed to do sit at home. Either way not sure what this has to do with the fact the school let your child leave to go god knows where on her own.

The school need to tighten their procedures but I'm actually totally shocked that your 8 year old doesn't have the common sense to return to her teacher if she is not collected as expected.

Stop collecting her from across the field.

Stand somewhere the teacher and your DD can see you. That way there should be no wandering off to find you.

Urgently teach ger to return to her class if she is not collected as expected and that she is not just to walk off on her own.

@Lindy2 she did it on purpose, she knew she wanted to go to her grandparents. I’ve collected her from the field since September with absolutely no issues on the days that I pick her up.

But the after school club is in the same building/attached by internal doors. She is old enough to walk herself from one classroom to another, knowing full well that she had a club

Of course, but she is still under the schools' supervision at that point. It's the schools' responsibility to make sure she's safe - whether that means she's collected, attending ASC or heading home (with parental permission, which she didn't have).

Whether she's old enough or not is irrelevant. OP didn't give permission for her to leave the premises unattended, so the school should have made sure she went to her club as arranged.

So did she walk to your parents the back to the school?

Are you worried about leaving her in ASC now? I’d be scared she’d just decide she didn’t want to go again and wander off!

Thanks for the advice, all the people who think my daughter should know better, yes she should, but school are supposed to take care of her when I’m not around and I shouldn’t have to worry when 3pm comes.

School are in contact with me and the headteacher is putting new rules in place to prevent this from happening again.

Will delete this post soon as I’ve spent pretty much my entire day reading the comments when I’m supposed to be catching up with work

Thanks again for the advice and opinions 👍🏼

I can't believe some posters on here cannot see that the school are partly to blame here. They should never have let her leave the classroom via the outside door.
8 years olds can, and frequently, are idiots! Who do idiotic things!
If something had happened to that child it would have been the schools fault, they are in loco parentis. That doesn't stop in the 2 minutes between school ending and AFC starting! School are fully aware she should be at AFC, they are failing by not making sure she gets there safely

You cant delete your post.

You can ask mumsnet but unless there's a serious issue, they dont delete threads (well, they arent meant too)

There is a massive difference between 8 and 11

Actually, there’s just 3 years’ difference, which flies by. DS is 11 and has friends who will be catching buses and trains to secondary school in September whose parents are in absolute meltdown, some looking to reduce hours at work so they can drive their children, because they didn’t start fostering independence early enough and now have children who in 6 months need to learn everything. These are children who do not have a clue how to manage their time, haven’t learnt emergency phone numbers and addresses, have had no practice crossing roads without a parent, let alone with a group of jostling school friends, don’t know what they’d do if they got home and Mum/Dad were not there, etc.

I honestly don’t mean to criticise anyone, we all do the best we can, but it comes around so quickly. Even the very conservative NSPCC suggest a child is “at least 8“ before walking home alone. I completely understand why we do it, but I do think we baby our children a little too much in this country.

The school needs to sort it's end of day procedures out!!!
Our school the after school club whizz round and collect the children 15 mins early. If a child is booked into ASC but parent turns up they have to go to main reception to have someone get them from ASC.

No child is allowed off site without an adult. A teacher is stationed at every gate to say goodbye and check no-one leaves unaccompanied.

ASC, not AFC. FYI.