The school have lost my child... twice

[Chizem]

(Sorry if not in the right topic - very first post)

Today I had a phone call off the after school club telling me my 8 year old daughter hadn’t made her way from the classroom to the after school room. She goes every Tuesday and Thursday unless I say otherwise and my daughter knows this, as do the after school staff.
Its my sons 1st birthday today and we were at a farm 20 minutes away when I got the phone call. I said I would get there as quick as I could (their tone of voice made me feel like I was in the wrong for not being able to be there right away - but I wasn’t expecting to get a call saying they’d lost her!!)
So apparently, what happens is the after school kids go through the school and the rest are let outside to meet their parents. The teachers don’t know who goes to the club, they just take the children’s word for it.
So her teacher has allowed her to walk out of the classroom and she’s managed to walk to my parents house which is a 15 minute walk with two fairly busy roads (my parents were with me at the farm so nobody was in)
My mum had asked a friend to check to see if she was there and luckily she was, when we got there the headteacher was also there and she was very apologetic and I told her a register of some sort needs to be put in place so teachers know where kids are going! She agreed with me on this.
So hopefully something will change, but the staff at the afterschool club just made me feel as if I was at fault, they said they find it worrying that she has gone to my parents house and I said I think it’s a good job she went there and it’s not worrying at all, what is worrying is that she’s been able to leave the premises without anybody’s knowledge.

This is the second time they’ve ‘lost’ her. The first time, she walked across the field (where she meets me if I’m picking her up) and I wasn’t there as she was supposed to be at club, so another mom has thankfully realised she’s on her own and took her back to school reception. Club have called me to say she hasn’t turned up and reception have also called me asking to collect her. The two rooms are literally a 10 second walk from each other so god knows why they never checked with each other!! And again I felt like I was to blame.
So I’m just asking for some advice (as well as to get it off my chest) what would you do? My friends are saying to complain but I’ve already spoken to the headteacher who says things will change but should I take her word for it??

Yes, the child did an idiotic thing.

However school systems (and particularly primary school systems) need to be resilient to children doing idiotic or disobedient things.

Especially when they’ve been tested and found wanting once.

I suggest you ask a member of the ASC staff to collect her from her classroom as she cannot be trusted to go to the club alone.

The two primary schools I have had my children at both let KS2 children go without an adult present. Only KS1 were handed to an adult. It's because they expect children of that age to take a certain amount of responsibility for themselves.
They obviously had some kind of register in place to realise that she had not arrived at the after school club?
The school didn't lose her, the onus was on her to be responsible and she deliberately went against that. I think you need to sort this out with her rather than blame the school. But I think the school does need to put something in place for her as she's done this twice as it is a safeguarding concern regardless.

@OhCaptain from 4th class with parental consent in city school.
To be fair at my DD’s rural school,they can’t walk home (roads too dangerous and no footpaths etc) and all of the teachers are in the yard anyway so everyone is seen getting into a car. The yard is overlooking the parent car park.

Ah right. Makes sense I suppose because of the extenuating circumstances.

Sounds like OP’s school just let them out though which is also fair enough.

@Dinosauratemydaffodils unfortunately we couldn’t arrange anything until the afternoon as OH only had half a day off.
No it was never mentioned in front of her, I made sure of it. But even so, she is involved in everything we do, she was given a few presents for herself on his birthday and we allowed her to bring a few school friends to his party on Sunday, we also hired a bouncy castle for them, so she’s never left out.

NOT the child's fault FFS, she is 8. OP, make a big fuss please. This is not ok. Your daughter's school should not be releasing children on their own. Either she's escorted to after school club, or a nominated adult collects her. Nothing else is acceptable.

Of course it’s acceptable all juniors are let out an unsupervised exit at my dc school , so from age 7. It’s up to the parents if they want to wait by the school gates or not.

She doesn’t hate the AFC, she loves it and if I have to pick her up early for whatever reason then she’s not very happy with me!
The first time it happened was an accident and she was confused I wasn’t there.
But the second time it was deliberate and I was not happy with her at all, I know she’s in the wrong I’m not trying to say that she’s innocent

The school ought to have a "second line of defence". At DD's primary, KS2 kids were let out of classrooms to find their own parents (who might well be outside younger sibling's room), but there was always someone on the gate out of the site, who would be watching out for any child not with a parent (except older ones allowed to walk home alone). Given that it's happened once, whoever is on the gate ought to be particularly watching out for your child.

However if you normally meet your child outside the school premises, that does make it harder for that line of defence to work, as they'd need to be aware of her after-school club days. That's hard enough, but then imagine that there's a trip, and the Weds/Thurs people swap duties - the Weds person will be used to letting her leave alone.

Really crap from the school. Yes dd shouldn't have gone off but it's still the school's responsibility.
My son is nearly 10 and I have put in writing he is allowed to leave school to meet me. The other day he got muddled and started down the High Street to meet me like he does on a Thursday instead of round the corner where he meets me on a Monday. It's easy to get confused whihch day it was. He has a phone with a tracker so it was easy to catch up with him. He also knows to go back to school if he can't find or contact me.
But, it's still the school's and club's responsibility to know which kids are supposed to be at after school club.

Wow, that sounds very lax for a primary school.

Our primary school teachers stand outside (even in the pouring rain) and watch to ensure each child has a parent to collect them. The children have to walk through 2 narrow gates to be collected by an adult. They are not allowed to go through the gate unless the designated adult is stood there waiting for them.

There‘s no chance a child can wander off on their own and we don’t have any after-school provision.

It is up to school how they organise collection of children There is no set age you have to keep them for parent collection of let them go off into the playground.
There does need to be clear instructions about the collection point for after school club collection points or parent pick up and what to do if a parent is late.The school needs a list to check off but also your daughter needs to know that she never walks home alone.

Some clear boundaries need to be in place.

I'd be unimpressed, tbh, and far more so with the school than the child. Yes, I'd talk to the child about what they did, why it was wrong and unsafe and try to get to the bottom of their motivation for it, but I would be far more focussed on how the school let it happen. They need better systems.

Can’t believe the pile on for an 8-year-old.

Children sometimes forget. Children sometimes don’t do what they’re told. Children sometimes behave dangerously even though they know better. Shock. (Sounds like every adult I’ve ever met.)

None of this absolveS a school while acting in loco parentis and certainly doesn’t mean that all schools with relaxed policies are following best practices or that those policies are the best for keeping children safe, no matter how normal it is within a school or community.

We’re the adults. They’re the children. Each of us has a duty to keep all of them protected and cared for, and procedures should reflect that.

8 year olds should be perfectly capable of taking themselves out the front door!

This one certainly was.

But the point is that THIS school obviously does let them go? And presumably @Chizem you already knew this?

Did your dd say why she did it? I’d be worried that she’s upset about something!

There’s no bloody pile on of an 8 year old!

If the school has the policy that KS2 children (whether it is all or certain named ones which I assume OP's DD is as she can meet her offsite) make their own way to their parent or club, then I can't see that school has done anything wrong. As long as the ASC phoned OP as soon as the club started and they realised her DD was not there. Obviously if it took them an hour to phone then there would be an issue.

Obviously if the school does not have this policy and all pupils should be paired with their responsible adult (be it a parent or club leader) then there is a safeguarding issue.

If parents want to complain about things they must read the school's complaint policy and don't just go to the governors. There is a procedure to follow.

It’s hilarious at all the posters trying to blame OP for the schools lack of safeguarding and her daughters wilfulness.
As previous posters have said, the school should have procedures in place to prevent this happening even if your dd decides she doesn’t want to go. She shouldn’t be allowed to wander off without being collected by an adult. The school is at fault here.
But really op, how dare you take your child to a farm when your elder child should be safe at school. Course it’s your fault really that she psychically knew about it and decided She was unloved and therefore had to leave school without a grown up 🙄 what a load of bollocks.

But what if the school’s policy is to allow them off campus alone?

The mother waits off site! So she is very much to blame if she trusts her 8 year old to walk off site the school will know this.

As she now realises she can’t trust her then she needs to say to school “it I am not at the door to collect her then please can someone walk her to after school club as she can’t be trusted to remember herself”

I'd still blame the school in this not the child. There needs to be some communication between after school club and teacher. At our school I've heard kids saying to the (strict but awesome) PE teacher who does after school clubs that 'my mum said I can walk home today' and she's said 'oh no it's not on my list, you stay there until I find out' my own daughter is 8 and I wouldn't really expect her to have to remember if she's at club or not, the grown ups here have really missed a link !

Surely at 8 your daughter knows to go to school office if she can't find you. Not leave the school grounds and try and go home. My 5 year old knows to go to the office if he looses me after I've collected him!

The schools procedures sound hopeless though. They should really know where children are.

So apparently, what happens is the after school kids go through the school and the rest are let outside to meet their parents. The teachers don’t know who goes to the club, they just take the children’s word for it.

It is your responsibility that ensure she is collected or that she goes to the after-school club.

If she cannot be trusted to go to the after-school club, then you need to ask the AFC to collect her or arrange for someone else to collect her.

A nt 8 year old should be trustworthy enough to move between 2 parts of the school without direct supervision. Now you know your dd is not trustworthy you need to make special arrangements for her with the school.

Not sure if I made it very clear...

Children who go to the AFC are not allowed to leave through the classroom door, they walk through the hall and through the internal doors.

I’m not expecting AFC staff to come and collect her, but the teacher should have a list of who’s going to AFC and who’s meeting their parents.

Children who are getting picked up by parents are let out through the classroom door and can meet their parents.