The school have lost my child... twice

[Chizem]

(Sorry if not in the right topic - very first post)

Today I had a phone call off the after school club telling me my 8 year old daughter hadn’t made her way from the classroom to the after school room. She goes every Tuesday and Thursday unless I say otherwise and my daughter knows this, as do the after school staff.
Its my sons 1st birthday today and we were at a farm 20 minutes away when I got the phone call. I said I would get there as quick as I could (their tone of voice made me feel like I was in the wrong for not being able to be there right away - but I wasn’t expecting to get a call saying they’d lost her!!)
So apparently, what happens is the after school kids go through the school and the rest are let outside to meet their parents. The teachers don’t know who goes to the club, they just take the children’s word for it.
So her teacher has allowed her to walk out of the classroom and she’s managed to walk to my parents house which is a 15 minute walk with two fairly busy roads (my parents were with me at the farm so nobody was in)
My mum had asked a friend to check to see if she was there and luckily she was, when we got there the headteacher was also there and she was very apologetic and I told her a register of some sort needs to be put in place so teachers know where kids are going! She agreed with me on this.
So hopefully something will change, but the staff at the afterschool club just made me feel as if I was at fault, they said they find it worrying that she has gone to my parents house and I said I think it’s a good job she went there and it’s not worrying at all, what is worrying is that she’s been able to leave the premises without anybody’s knowledge.

This is the second time they’ve ‘lost’ her. The first time, she walked across the field (where she meets me if I’m picking her up) and I wasn’t there as she was supposed to be at club, so another mom has thankfully realised she’s on her own and took her back to school reception. Club have called me to say she hasn’t turned up and reception have also called me asking to collect her. The two rooms are literally a 10 second walk from each other so god knows why they never checked with each other!! And again I felt like I was to blame.
So I’m just asking for some advice (as well as to get it off my chest) what would you do? My friends are saying to complain but I’ve already spoken to the headteacher who says things will change but should I take her word for it??

It's very easy to forget what day of the week it is if you are aged 8 and having no other 'markers' like an adult might have to remind you.
She could easily forget if it was a Tuesday.
There is also the simple rule "Do NOT LEAVE the school premises if I am not there. If in doubt go to the AFTER SCHOOL CLUB!"

Normal school system is this:

Teachers hand kids over to parents. They take class to the nearest outside door, and the parents wait in the playground, and they are handed over one by one. Child Y at head of the line, teacher looks round, sees Y's parent/carer and says fine Y off you go, next child, next parent etc.
Kids going to club remain in classroom, and are taken/sent to club by TA.
Each teacher has a register of who is supposed to be where on each day.
Supply teachers have the register, or the regular class TA sorts it.

No child, I repeat NO CHILD is allowed to leave the presence of the teacher to walk home/to club/across playground etc, without the teacher knowing where they are going. Children who walk home have a permission letter, only allowed to leave to walk with the permission letter. Even in year 6, no letter, you don't leave the building.

Your school is unbelievably lax. What I have just written is good practice, print it off and give it to your head.

Nothing wrong with taking a younger child out whilst an older child is in school or after school club. Presumably she had farm trips etc at that age. I don’t think you did anything wrong there OP!

However, at 8 years old with no SN I would not say the school is at fault for her deliberately deciding not to go. At our school Years 4 and above (so ages 8+) are responsible for either making their own way to after school club, finding a parent on the playground or making their own way home if their parents have signed a consent form to the effect. A list is read out before class is dismissed reminding those going to after school club where they are heading. Those who go out to the playground to meet parents etc all know to go straight back to their classroom or the school office if no one turns up for them. A register is taken at after school club so any missing children would be spotted then. I’m guessing that’s when they noticed your daughter had not turned up.

In 3 years time they will be responsible for catching buses/trains/etc to and from secondary school, so I don’t think a bit of personal responsibility is unreasonable.

I bet there are some parents here from other European countries incredulous that children as old as 10/11 have to be handed to parents before they leave school.

The school's processes need to be sorted out but... is your DD taking advantage of the chaos to avoid ASC? Is there a reason why she doesn't want to go?

OP do they have other clubs as well as ASC? DS's Primary didn't have ASC but did run other clubs, and again KS2 pupils were meant to make their way there. And if they were missing a call would be put in to parents

I bet there are some parents here from other European countries incredulous that children as old as 10/11 have to be handed to parents before they leave school.

I’m genuinely shocked by this!

was deliberate, she told me she just didn’t want to go, I know she’s completely in the wrong for doing this and she knows that after yesterday

Didn’t she know it after the first time she did it?

What are her consequences?

@Porcupineinwaiting they aren’t allowed outside if they have AFC, they get there internally, but they let her go outside for some reason.

@MintyMabel I’ve dealt with my daughters actions accordingly, in the nicest possible way, it’s none of your business, thanks.

My children go to two different schools. From KS2, so year 3 onwards, they are released onto the playground )few teachers go out as well) to meet their parent or whoever is collecting them. ASC children make their own way to the room. Any problems children go in to school reception.

I think it is daft to suggest it’s the schools fault. Children have to be given responsibility at some point and age 7 onwards is plenty old enough to follow a basic instruction on where to meet.

This wasn’t an accident. OP’s daughter deliberately left school grounds knowing she wasn’t supposed to. If an individual child can’t be trusted then you make alternative arrangements for that child. Not allowing other children to have a small amount of independence and responsibility is not the way to deal with it.

The schools processes are totally wrong - children going to ASC should be escorted straight from the classroom.

But, saying that, schools around here let the children walk home alone at aged 8/9 with parental consent. My niece has just turned 9 and walks about half a mile to/from school with her friends. We have lollipop ladies for street crossings but they're not accompanied otherwise, so I don't think it's strictly necessary for children to be escorted home at that age.

But what on earth was your DD thinking? Why did she decide it was acceptable to just leave school and walk to her grandparents house?

It's a bit of a coincidence that it was your other child's birthday that day. It seems likely that she did overhear something and thought she was missing out.

Our local primary has the KS1 children collected and walked to the ASC, the KS2 children are expected to go there themselves. It's a matter of metres away. Unless the child has special needs a KS2 puipil ought to be capable of self-directing.

School didn't lose your daughter, your daughter did a bunk. (sacked off, played hooky, insert idiom of your choice) She knew where she was supposed to be and chose not to go. You must have been frantic!

dealt with my daughters actions accordingly, in the nicest possible way, it’s none of your business, thanks.

That you want to point fingers and won’t say what you did makes it clear you don’t think she was at fault. She was. The school has a policy, you can’t expect them to change it because your daughter doesn’t feel like going to after school club and wilfully disobeys her mother. They haven’t lost her, she keeps running away. That’s your problem not theirs.

The schools processes are totally wrong - children going to ASC should be escorted straight from the classroom.

At 8 years old? Behave. Kids of that age are well old enough to walk through school by themselves.

At the primary my DC went too the HT was dead against an ASC .I was quite friendly with her ,and she said this was one of the reasons why ie at the end of school they just wanted all the children gone,without the additional task of making sure some went to ASC.
I do think you should have a chat with your DD about what you expect her to do at the end of the school day ,as to a large extent it all depends on your child complying,( says mum to child who twice slipped off home instead of going to ASC)

It's a bit of a coincidence that it was your other child's birthday that day. It seems likely that she did overhear something and thought she was missing out.

Yeah, I can't help but agree with this, tbh.

@mintymabel lol no, I just don’t see how you wanting to know how I’ve dealt with my child is relevant.

Definitely didn’t know we were going to the farm trust me, if she did she would have not stopped asking to come. I think it’s more so that it was his birthday and wanted to come home to open his presents that we hadn’t finished opening from the morning.

It sounds like they have a plan in place though....

From your OP it sounds like the after school club is in the same building as the school,
An 8 year old should be trusted to walk to another room in the same building and shouldn’t need escorting to do so (younger children go on errands to other classes/the office etc during the school day) leaving the class TA and Teacher to dismiss the 20 odd other children

It sounds like once they realised she wasn’t there and should be, they have rang you.

Our school escort the after school club children to the separate building, any internal clubs (football etc) and the children (juniors) make their own way to the appropriate room

It is your responsibility to ensure...that she goes to the after-school club.

No, it’s really not.

The OP has informed the school that her daughter goes to after school club every Tuesday and Thursday unless notified otherwise.

The school did not bother to make note of this and let OP’s daughter out of the classroom doors rather than ensuring she was with the other ASC children who walk through the corridor.

It’s irrelevant that the OP’s daughter lied and told the school she didn’t have ASC. The blame cannot be put on any child. In this case the child is 8 but it’s likely the ASC also cares for younger ones after school. Would you rely on your 4-year-old to know his daily schedule and make him responsible for it?

The school and ASC cannot place the burden on children—of any age, no matter how responsible they seem—to get it right every time and tell teachers where they’re supposed to be next. They cannot rely on that.

As professional educators and carers they should know this. It’s a disgrace the school doesn’t keep a list.

Our school are similar- there are various after school classes on and the children, after 1st class (year 2?) are released into the wilds of the playground to make their own way. Officially we are told that it is our job as parents to ensure they get to their classes but for many parents these classes cover the gap between school ending and then being able to collect them. I’m sure there are quite a few teachers in our school doing something similar with their children in other schools so I really don’t understand why there isn’t a better system in place.
Surely it wouldn’t be hard to have a list in the classroom and send the ones on the list through the school, and the others out the door.

Sure, your DD should have known better... but the fault still lies with the school and the ADULTS in charge! I'm shocked there is no list tbh.

In 3 years time they will be responsible for catching buses/trains/etc to and from secondary school, so I don’t think a bit of personal responsibility is unreasonable.

There is a massive difference between 8 and 11!