16 week abortion

[rockandhardplace123]

Posting here for traffic following my previous thread. Has anyone had an abortion at 16 weeks and not regretted it? And felt comfortable with their decision. I feel so helpless right now.

@Jinglejanglejangledon't you think I've explored all possible avenues since I tried to do this 10 weeks ago. This is literally my last option. Please don't try and make me feel worse than I already do. If there was another option for me, I wouldn't be doing this. It hasn't been a choice I've taken lightly. Thanks anyway.

@Jinglejanglejangleoh I'm aware of that. Hence my absolute despair surrounding this decision and why I posted in "pregnancy options" I'm absolutely broken. And it's the best thing for everyone. I've spent 10 weeks to ing and fro ing. And yes I will need to own it, and I will feel guilt thankyou. I need to think of my mental and physical health and that of my three children. Also my age and I have no family support.

I was not going to reply but one last thought. You say he knows. You say he wants the baby. Once you have aborted you might find he is so triggered he gets so violent you get so badly hurt you have to leave the marriage for your safety going forward. Then you are out of the marriage you didn't want but without the baby. What then? Could you so clearly own your decision then?

@Jinglejanglejanglei think to me anyway, it's clear that the marriage is already over. I've had no support throughout. And I would be raising the child alone regardless. I need a clean break. And I'd never have that with the baby and he/she's life would be hellish along with my other 3. I apologise if I came across antagonistic towards your posts. I thank your input and views. But taking everything into account, I feel that this is my only option. Its not one that has been taken lightly. And has consumed my thoughts for months. Its now affecting my mental health and should the child be birthed I can only imagine how bad it would get and effect my other children and my mental health.

No I don't see you as antagonistic. I see you as a woman who's desperate. But I don't see this as being the clean break you are trying to have.

@JinglejanglejangleI've racked my brains for any reason I could make it work. And I can't find any. I'm heartbroken. I really am.

OP please ignore the judgy idiot above. You would not be doing this if you felt you had any other option. Yes you can escape the marriage but if you have this baby that’s 18 years that you’re tied to him, and having to hand your child over for contact, the bar in court for a father not seeing his child is VERY high, so the reality is that you won’t get a choice about that.

It must be a relief to have decided, even though you must be dreading it. I felt exactly the same as you, I was morally opposed to abortion, and NEVER thought I’d do it. And then I was in a situation where I had to, for my sake and the sake of my existing children. I was distraught on the day and crying so much when they were trying to put me under. But I had counselling afterwards which really helped, and now, many years later I am so glad I made that decision, having that child would have been a disaster in so many ways. You’ll be ok. Please post here or feel free to PM me, if you need a hand hold.

@rockandhardplace123 sounds like you are making the right decision for your circumstances. A decision being the right one doesn’t necessarily mean it’s the easiest. You do not need to justify or explain your decision to anyone. It may be wise to tell your husband you have miscarried if you have concerns of his reaction. Whatever happens it doesn’t sound like this is a healthy relationship and you are right to make steps towards ending the marriage, it won’t improve.

You are right in whatever choice you make.

@Jinglejanglejanglehow could it not be? Again, it would be my only tie to him.

@Downwiththecrumpets81 @NZDreaming thankyou so much. I've tried to find anything reason or way to make it work. And there is no way that doesn't effect my current children or my physical and mental health. X

@Jinglejanglejangle I honestly hope you, or any female close to you doesn't have to go through this absolute hell, because that is exactly what it is and I will have to live with this decision for the rest of my life. I'm trying to make the best decision out of every decision that would be wrong. X

@Downwiththecrumpets81could you pm me. I'm new to this and tried to do it on laptop. X

@rockandhardplace123 I’ve messaged you x

@Downwiththecrumpets81 I've replied. Thankyou xx

Definitely a clever decision, you’ll be alright and saved you years of misery, good luck

The issue people are having that are against the decision is you have had a long time to do this. I’m guessing he hasn’t suddenly just become a narcissist over night? If he was this bad why get pregnant to him, and why wait until your child is fully formed and living within you to decide to stop its heart? I don’t understand it personally. Early stage abortions I totally understand, medical reasons, situational changes etc. but this seems like you got pregnant to your husband and waited until you are over 4 months in to abort?

@Feelinglost10you have obviously never been in an abusive relationship, you believe them. You think it will get better. You hope and pray and have faith. You want the best. You want it to work......ad nausem

If you didn’t want the child I could see where you coming from more but you have backed out of the abortion once and have said you want it. It will be just be much harder now because it is a baby, that’s just fact. You will be more affected by it, you just will.

And you say you can’t leave but that if you had the baby it would be your only tie to him so you can’t keep it. That doesn’t make sense. If you can’t leave you are tied to him whether you have the baby or not. If you leave you are not tied to him and you can absolutely go through the courts so he is seen as an abuser. You could even have him arrested.

@rockandhardplace123 i would suggest stepping away from this thread and ignoring future comments. Posters giving their personal views on your decision are not going to help you. You can make your own decision, this is your real life, not theirs. We all know this is not easy, please don’t let yourself be tormented further by strangers online telling you that you are wrong. You know why you are making the choice you are, you owe no one an explanation, you do not need to justify yourself. There is nothing you can say that will satisfy them so I wouldn’t continue to engage, it’s just going to cause you additional distress.

Jinglejanglejangle

Get lost telling someone to suck it up and go to a refuge centre

Dont be preaching that hate to anyone this lady is in a terrible situation with an emotional abusive man - if you want to live in a shelter go ahead

why not ? Because she’d have 18 y of complete torture.

you are shaming and blaming someone who already is extremely vulnerable and alone

be compassionate and kind and be careful with the language you are communicating to someone when you don’t understand to the damaging repercussions

I wish you all the best OP ❤️ xx

So not thinking about the baby, what is going to happen to you? What steps are you taking away from this man?

Have there been other people in this situation with children? We had DV in my circle and she has a court order so he can’t see the baby.

Isn’t that a bit harsh. You can’t expect everyone to have the same view as you and how dare you tell other women off for their opinion.