16 week abortion

[rockandhardplace123]

Posting here for traffic following my previous thread. Has anyone had an abortion at 16 weeks and not regretted it? And felt comfortable with their decision. I feel so helpless right now.

I have no idea why you have quoted my post??

I have no need or desire to look it up, thank you, but others have said that 16 weeks she won't need to see the fetus.

Sometimes we have to do difficult things in order to make other things better. It MAY be better to go through a termination (no matter how awful it is) to prevent being tied to this man until the potential child is an adult, affecting what her and her three children can do, where they can travel where they can live and lots of other things being tied to him. There are a lot of things to take into consideration, not just the termination process..

I wish her all the best because it's not a position I'd want to be in, but as hard as it would be, I think I would choose not to restrict my older children's lives because of being tied to this man & not tying myself to him at least for the next 20 years if not forever.

But the OP needs to make her own decision.

Op be careful taking advice only from here. Nobody fully knows you and they project. It’s a hard decision.

Unfortunately I've heard this a few times, getting rid of the baby then they end up regretting it. One even got pregnant to some guy soon after again and kept the baby( someone my mother knows)

It sounds to me from what you've written like you would really regret having a termination. You are so torn. What about your other children. And the affect on them. Have you seen a counsellor yet? But in the end it's your decision.

Please. Keep the baby. In these circumstances ( you are aware of a baby inside you that you have an attachment to) you must keep your child. You might never recover mentally otherwise. You will be fine. Try and get rid of the man and seek any support necessary.

It does sound as if you want the baby.

The downside of course is having to keep contact with the father.

Ultimately no one can tell you what to do. Only you know how you feel. I think if you haven't already done so you should get some counselling before making your final decision but you must do it soon otherwise the decision will be taken out of your hands as it will be too late.
Unconsciously I'm wondering if that is what you are doing anyway so you don't have the make the decision.
I wish you luck whatever happens.

Try to separate leaving your partner and having an abortion.

Make a decision on the first one first.

Then make a decision on the second one.

Make both decisions separately.

I think it’s human nature to try and see the positives in life in order to move forward.

If you have the baby, you’ll make it work somehow, the world will keep spinning and I’m sure you’d love the child and be glad you had it.

If you go for an abortion, you may or may not feel not great about it for a while, but in the long term I’m sure there will be many times where you’ll think about how much easier life is without having had the baby, and be grateful for that.

In short, there’s no right or wrong, either way life will go on and you’ll be ok. FWIW I had 2 abortions (both many years ago) and there is no part of me that regrets either of them years later.

Keep the baby. Dump the man. You couldn't do it at six weeks - imagine your feelings if you did it now. If you are at a stage where you are being warned to look away because you then can't see the baby and you have to give birth to a baby, then you are aborting a baby. In the same way that If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it probably is a duck.

I had an abortion at 14 weeks when I was 16. I don't think the reality of it really hit me at that age though - I was relieved and I do not regret the decision. I sometimes think how my life may have turned out but realistically it wasn't a good time to bring a baby until the world. The dad was awful.

However, it sounds to me like you wouldn't feel settled in your decision so I wouldn't in your case - I was certain and it was still really rough (I actually think in some ways it would be harder being older as you are that much more aware of consequences etc).

Good luck with what you decide.

So which regret can you live with?

The regret around terminating a pregnancy and the loss of a potential child that you have never met.

OR the regret of having a child that will require your love, care and attention for at least the next 18 - 25 years, that you will be co-parenting with a man who has treated you badly.

The first one, you will be very hurt and sad, but it won't impact on your three existing children. The second one will impact on your three children, and potentially on this baby if their father continues to behave in an immature and manipulative way.

Whatever you decide, I suggest that you don't tell him that you have had a TOP as he will use it as a weapon against you.

I'm so sorry that you are in this position - there is no right or wrong answer. There is just one really hard choice, and neither outcome is going to guarantee you happiness or peace of mind. You just have to make the choice and commit to it and don't waste your time wondering about what could have been.

Thankyou everyone for your opinions and advice. Its given me hope. By that, i mean linking the two. I know there is no "right" decision and i think that is what is making the decision harder for me. That and the fact neither decision is reversible. Logically I know, if I have the child in not going to think "I wish i aborted you". But at the same time, I'm aware when things get tough, or issues with the father, i may think "i didn't need to be going through this".

I really appreciate all the replies. I will have a long hard think over the weekend and make a solid decision on Monday.

I feel I have been putting to much emphasis on the baby and my marriage. When it's good, I'm at peace with my decision, then reality hits and I think what am I doing. I've been living in a bubble, hoping that things will somehow magically get better. When, really if it was , it would have by now

Good luck OP. It’s a horrible situation to be in and you probably feel stuck between a rock and a hard place, but to expand on what I said above, rather than think of the negatives of each option, try to think of the positives instead. I think that way the noise in your head settles and the feeling of panic goes, and you can make your decision with more of a calm and rational mind. And then once you’ve decided, ONLY think of the positives of whatever you chose going forward, and it makes it easier to cope with.

I thought OP had already gone through with the termination?

She’s just said she’s using the weekend to think about it.

Just an update. I think I'm sadly going to terminate. I think for all involved it's the only option and it gets a toxic narcissist out of my life. Yes, I will feel sad. But it saves 18 years of hell, not only for this unborn baby, but for my current three. Thanks all for the advice and kind words.

I think you’ve made the right decision , most definitely.

Now focus on healing and getting your life back on track & finding some peace and freedom going forward.

You could end up in a psychiatric unit and no mom to look after the baby anyway if you continue that road with that man. Or even worse with a terminal illness from the severe stress and the baby would end up with him.

Get rid of him out of your life. I’m wishing you all the best take care

@coffeetart thankyou, i appreciate your kind words more than you will know. I have thought the same, he will absolutely send me towards a breakdown. Its the kindess thing for all involved including this baby. I'm sorry if that offends people, but no one is going through exactly what I am except me.

To the poster/s who mentioned adoption. A) i am married to the father so he automatically will have PR and therefore would require to permit this (which he wouldnt)
B) maybe I'm being selfish but I couldn't go through a 9 month pregnancy, give birth and give baby away.

@Jinglejanglejangle I cannot escape marriage with his child.

Why not? People do it all the time. I am not saying it is easy. I think it's one of the bravest decisions you would have to make and I can't imagine what it's like to be in your situation. However, surely if you told your parents/a friend/a women's refuge then surely someone would be able to help you do it.

@Jinglejanglejangle if you are trying to shame my decision. I don't blame you, this is something I could NEVER comprehend doing. But as the saying goes, until you have walked in my shoes, you couldn't understand.

I am not trying to shame your decision. If you make the decision it is yours to own, but own it you will.