16 week abortion

[rockandhardplace123]

Posting here for traffic following my previous thread. Has anyone had an abortion at 16 weeks and not regretted it? And felt comfortable with their decision. I feel so helpless right now.

Sorry to hear you aren't feeling the best. What was your reason for termination?

@Rfjfdw I've done done it. I'm scared I will regret either decision. And I don't know what to do. I don't know how to link my other thread which explains my situation.

Me. Don’t regret it for a moment. It’s not easy thought OP, hope you’re ok and make sure you take care of yourself x

Sorry OP do you mean you have gone through with it or haven’t?

PM me if you want specifics

Here, I've linked it for you.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/thirty_days_only/5297465-aibu?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

Please take care of yourself.

Sorry typo. I've not done it. I feel so conflicted. I will try and pm you.

Hi op sorry to hear your having a hard time.
My sister had an abortion at 14 weeks a few years ago she was 41 and already had a grown up child.
We talked alot about what ifs but her choice was made tbh she just wanted someone to talk it out with without being judged.
She didnt want to start all over again in her 40s which was her right her choice.
The dad was a run around FWB type she didnt tell him or anyone else the only one that knew was me.
I stood by her choice and helped the best way i could she stayed at mine untill it was all over with.
She had the coil fitted after a few months and always uses extra protection her words (i learned my lesson).
Still to this day i would never say a word about it we dont bring it up either.
She was very happy with her choice and no regrets at all.
For her it was the right choice because life would have been hard if she had went though with it and she would have still been in someway stuck to a twat of a man.
She free of all that and moved on and living life how she wants very happy.
We went to cuba last year and i thought this would have never have happened if she made a different choice.

@offmynut that sounds reassuring. Can I ask was it medical or surgical. This also worries me. I guess I'm attached a bit to the baby, but so worried what is the right choice to make. I know no one can make the decision for me and I guess if my marriage was stable, I would 100% keep it. I just fear so much i will regret it either way and wondered if anyone had gone through similar. Thankyou x

@APATEKPHILLIPEWATCH I'm unsure how to private message on my phone. Did you have any regrets? I'm aware the clock is ticking and i soon won't have a choice x

Don’t feel helpless , yes easier said than done. I was in a new city alone no close friends to confide in and I didn’t wish to tell my family. Believe me - no one is ever truly alone , we’ve wonderful government support services available - I picked up the phone spoke to absolutely wonderful charities / women’s support services out there and they even gave me free counselling

I had one and it was a terribly hard decision because I mistakenly told the guy I was only seeing 1-2 months and he harassed threatened me to keep the baby. Saying stuff like I’ll regret it and it’s my last chance because I was 39 and just horrendous other controlling stuff.

Anyways 7 months on from the termination I’m absolutely thriving I’ve turned my life around , I blocked him (had a good talking to myself and I said I’m not listening to this crap from any man)- I blocked him on absolutely every way he had of contacting me. I’ve an absolute wonderful life now I can’t imagine for a second not going ahead now I would of had that man in my life for the next 18 years and I would of been financially broke.

I was courageous and brave , didn’t listen to any of the fear - shite talk like “oh it’ll be too late if you try again”- non sense I’m 40 now eggs frozen and my fertility is excellent had 2 different consultant opinions. I’m excited about the future if I don’t meet my person in the next few years I’ll go solo via sperm donor. And it’ll be my choice my decision and it’s my life and we only get one very precious life on this planet.

1/ don’t tell yourself any false narratives or start a fear campaign in your head
2/ pick up the phone to government trusted charities - try get free counselling , I had x10 online consultations over ten weeks.
3/ don’t listen to any non sense from others do what’s best for you : meditate - manifest, even close your eyes and sit with yourself , what truly feels right in your core can you vision your ideal future? Journal write it all down.

Whatever your decision I’m sending you lots of well wishes … you’ve got this !

I saw it after Searching your username.

Take care of yourself and remember your hormones will take time to settle. When they do you will probably be at peace with your choice.

It sounds like you made the right decision.

A 16 week pregnancy is very different to a 6/10 week pregnancy. Your hormones are higher your body has already changed, you may have milk come in when the pregnacy ends. My honest opinion would be make the choice sooner rather than later. Either way it's not a easy decision.

@coffeetart thankyou so much. I really need to have a long deep think and make a decision and stick to it. I've been swithering for weeks. Things get good between us and I think yes, this is it and then it goes pear shaped and I'm totally at a loss. I was booked in for a termination at 6 plus weeks and I couldn't go through with it. I guess I thought things would have sorted out by now. It's the fear that any decision I make I will regret and I feel in utter turmoil. I have no one I can talk to in real life. It's also a terrible thought that it is now a fully formed baby. I know if I kept it and had to do it alone, I would manage somehow, albeit with great difficulty.

@mumofnationsthis is part of my predicament. It goes against my beliefs. But I just feel so torn.

I’ll PM you

@HomeBodyClubI've not made a decision yet, this is my dilemma. I feel in total turmoil.

You can't go by other peoples experiences / feelings because everyone's situation is different.

I read your other thread - sounds like your concerns are your husband and turbulent marriage.

You need to ask yourself can you mentally, physically and financially cope with raising this baby alone? If the answer is no, then an abortion will be the sensible thing to do.

If you can, then you shouldn't have an abortion. 16 weeks is quite far along and you said you would have kept this baby if it wasn't for the current state of your marriage.

Even if it is the "right" choice for you, you will regret it as you do want the baby, just not under these circumstances.

I am sorry you are going through this. It is an extremely difficult decision to make.

Sorry OP. I read it wrong and the thought you had gone through with it.

You are welcome .

your in touch with the dad and I gather the relationship has highs and lows as in your not sure about you two long term …I hope I’ve picked that up right , think I’ve got the general gist.

Honestly if you can afford it take a few days off work and GET away from him so you can clear your head - I’d go to an Airbnb or hotel for a few nights like until Sunday . Give yourself a time line to make a decision BUT not before you’ve number 1/ had a rest and 2/ complete peace away from everyone so you can think and process it clearly - turn off your phone & as I said you can ring support services when you are away if you just need to vent and speak to a counsellor I used to avail of them all even Samaritans 2-3 times a day even at night if I woke up in the depths of worry .

your not alone and you do have people to talk to , support is available. Your never alone in this life - you as a person matters .

I'm sorry you're going through this.

I think I read all your posts and I followed the link to your previous thread, have you mentioned at all whether you have told him or not and what his reaction has been?

And have I missed the post where you said how old your older children are?

I think whatever you decide to do about the pregnancy you really need to consider a divorce. I'm sorry if that is against your beliefs as well but this relationship is not good for you and no belief should want you to stay in a relationship that is not good for you good for you. If it does, it's a belief system that is misogynistic and in my opinion not one you should be following.

It would make more sense to terminate the pregnancy concentrate on a divorce and rebuilding a life on your own. However, this probably is your last opportunity to have another child. Is that what you really want? I think I would have made my own life more complicated and kept the pregnancy because I would've wanted another child. Perhaps not sensible, but I'm just being honest.

Please consider getting out of this marriage, yes the good times are good, but they are really not worth the bad times xx

@Lulu89xyes, you have hit the nail on the head. I do want it. But not like this. I don't want to make my life harder as my other children are older and more self sufficient now. Physically and mentally I could cope. Financially would be more difficult, but I would make it work somehow.

Its just so hard. And I've cried everyday for months, however, I'm aware I need to make a choice. The fact I'm so far along, is tearing me up inside.

@APATEKPHILLIPEWATCH how do i access this on my phone?

@SpringIsSpringing25my children are 16, 14 and 12. I think divorce is the right thing. I've been alone most of the pregnancy l and if I'm honest I don't know how the baby has survived the stress I've been under.

To answer other questions. The father is aware and apparently wants the baby. Yet, i am constantly alone. Physically and mentally.