I think I might be pregnant. Fuck.

[Jayable]

And I'm panicking. I haven't taken a test yet because honestly I don't know what the fuck to do if I am and I'm freaking out a little.

Me and DH are going through a bit of a rough patch at the minute. I know, because he's told me...multiple times... that he definitely does not want anymore DC (we already have one son).

Admittedly I've been a bit lax with contraception since our son was born (2 years ago) because frankly I hate hormonal contraception, it messes with my body, bleeding constantly, migraines, mood swings etc. So instead we have done a mix of using condoms or just tracking my cycles and using nothing if its supposed to be a "safe" time. Stupidly I didn't think it was a massive issue because to be honest we barely have sex these days.

Anyway now I'm sat here with really painful boobs, over a week late and having had a tiny bit of brown spotting 4 days ago and nothing else.

Our house is too small, we don't have the money, my husband doesn't want another child and I'm not even sure if we'll be together much longer but I still find the idea of getting rid of a hypothetical pregnancy difficult because I'm really honest with myself I do want another child at some point and have only reluctantly accepted not doing so because of DH.

I'm so scared to find out for sure. I don't even know why I've posted in aibu but is anyone around who's been through this or who can just talk to me!!

I totally understand where you are coming from OP but please take a breath and don't make a rushed decision.

I wanted another child in the last few years after having my beautiful DD but I had 3 miscarriages and now I'm 45 so it won't happen for me. I was quite devastated but ok with it now.

I had an abortion when I was 21 and it was totally the right decision at the time but now I think what if?

Please please do not rush...sometimes things work out for the best.

Sending you hugs 🫂

Tricky times OP.

One way and another, talk to your DH. Any possibility you could go for a long walk together? Hard with a toddler, I know.

Are the difficulties in your relationship fixable? Do you want to try and get things back together? A baby does put incredible strain on a relationship: is this why your DH says he doesn’t want another?

Your decision would be hard even if your relationship was rock solid if the finances are tough. But your 2 year old will soon be eligible for the free hours and the lower costs for 3 year olds. Work it out with the extra CB in the mix.

Try not to panic, in 10 years time whatever you decide, the chances are that all will be OK.

I would try and have a v open conversation with your DH. Listen a lot, explore your own feelings openly. And in the end the choice is yours to make.

Sending a hand hold and good luck.

What a pleasant post. You seem lovely @heartsfelt.

OP in your situation I wouldn't go through with the pregnancy, but only you can decide that. Good luck.

@Scalottia do you really think OP needs comments like that from @Happyinmyowncompany at a time like this?? Really???

I’ve seen you on lots of threads now, particularly in the pregnancy section, deliberately having a go at women getting positive pregnancy test results. You did the same with me when I originally posted my happy news. @mumsnet please can you check this user and their intentions?

your nursery costs will reduce massively for your son when he’s 3. Hope you’re okay.

@User0224 agreed!!!!!

The free hours come into affect next September don't they ? 15 hours ?

What you on about I haven't been in a lot of pregnancy threads...I think you trying to cause unnecessary issues if you took it to heart that's your issue not mine

Your body, your choice. If you want this baby, keep it, and you will find a way to make it work husband or not.
Is there any friends or family members you can speak to in confidence? Or can you get out anywhere in the fresh air for a long walk by yourself to clear your mind. Hope you are OK op xx

Maybe focus on what is going to happen to your relationship.

If you decide to keep this baby, you would be tied in many ways to the father, for life even if you split up.

If you divorce, how would that feel?

I don't understand his rather offhand attitude to contraception TBH. A baby is not unexpected if you are using the safe-time method. Does he not understand that?

I'm not sure I agree with the idea that your initial reaction is a good reflection of your real feelings. When I tested positive with the last one, I cried because I have difficult pregnancies. That first panic didn't mean anything about how I felt about the baby.

Remember that nursery fees have changed and you’ll likely be qualified for 30 hours’ free childcare immediately, not when they’re 3.

@Happyinmyowncompany

What a horrible post. Attention seeking for crying out loud. That's the whole fucking point of a forum to have some attention to issues that you want to raise and have a grown up discussion about them. Ideally without being belittled, patronised or insulted by randoms.

This is optimistic. They have to build the nurseries first and there will be a change of government before that happens. It's not a guarantee.

he has the right to tell you he doesn't want another child

He has the right to express his opinion but NOT to force or manipulate her into a termination

Really feel for you, OP.

As PP’s have mentioned, it takes two.

I don’t have any advice as this is your choice and I don’t envy your decision either way.

Hope you have a RL friend you can confide in.

But he's ignorant enough to have sex relying on the 'safe period' method.

What a fool.

If you want the baby you can make the finances work. Lots of people do, even if it's a struggle.

I'm pregnant with my second and know going to struggle but you mange and make it work x