Abortion at home- petrified

[jellybeansandgin]

Hi, not really sure what I am hoping for by asking for help here. I am having a phone consultation with BPAS tomorrow to start a medical termination. I have been back and forth between keeping baby and having an abortion but ultimately we cannot have another and termination is the only option. I know everyone says it but I never thought I would be in this position. The guilt of the abortion, along with the panic and worry of the pain, bleeding of the abortion itself. I am an absolute wreck. Has anyone been through the medical abortion recently that could share how you got on? I know it will be emotional. I am more concerned about the physical side of things and how I will cope. Thank you xx

I was thinking of you earlier, jellbeans. I'm glad you've taken the first tablets. All the very best, I hope it passes easily for you.

You're all going to be okay. Other than very light bleeding, I'm now fully recovered from my medical abortion.

I took tablet one on 16th March. I felt a little nauseous but nothing pepto bismol couldn't sort.

I inserted the 4 tablets on 17th March. I'd read that the worst part of the pain was as the pregnancy was getting ready to pass and I'd say that was right but I survived on ibuprofen and paracetamol. The bit I actually found hardest was I was oddly wide awake that night! The worst was over within a few hours for me and then it was like a heavy period which has gotten lighter.

Thinking of you both. I've not been in this position (yet?) but would absolutely make the same decision. You're being really brave. Focus on how you'll feel afterwards, not the actual thing. Focus on the feeling of relief. Good luck.

Honestly thank you all so much for the support. I know I must sound like a right drama queen when people go through this every day. As I’ve said before I do suffer with anxiety and it’s really got a grip of me at the moment. I know most of the worries I have stem from that and I am hoping I have built this up in my head to be much worse than it is. I asked my mum to watch our children for a few hours today (said I had things to do for a work thing) oh and she is our childcare bubble for anyone wondering. She ended up offering to have them for the day and overnight tonight, taking them to school for me tomorrow morning. That’s a weight lifted as I now don’t need to try and hide anything from them. I know if I was sat on the toilet for more than 10 mins they would be sat outside waiting for me 🙈 so I know once they have gone there today, I have until after school tomorrow to hopefully be through the worst of it. Xx

@Anonymous354 how are you getting on? Have you decided when you are going to take the tablets today or just seeing how you feel? Xx

Quick update. I have just inserted the 4 tablets. Issue I didn’t think I would have is knowing if they were high enough or not but think I got them where they need to be. I have taken painkillers. Just laying down for 30 mins so they don’t fall back out again. X

Well done jellybeans. Take it easy today, please. You will be fine.

@jessstan2 honestly thank you. Blown away by the kindness of strangers especially when the people I usually turn to don’t know what is happening. This has really helped me. It’s been 2 hours now, have slight cramps but up to now bearable. Only just been the toilet for the first time and I am bleeding. Also felt something quite large pass but didn’t look and just flushed the toilet. I don’t think the pregnancy would pass that quick so may have been a large clot but at least I know things are moving. Due more pain relief soon and have my hot water bottle. So far not as bad as I imagined but ready for things to get more intense xx

It may well have been the pregnancy that has passed, mine didn't take long, I didn't look but could feel that it was a sizable clot. But it sounds like things are moving in the right direction. If that wasn't the pregnancy, it definitely will have passed by the time you sleep tonight.

Rest up xx

This is such good news @jellybeansandgin I hope it passes quickly for you.

Update - have now put the two tablets between my cheek and gum for 30 mins. Pain wise - it is very similar to a strong period pain. Painkillers definitely taking the edge of and is not unbearable at the moment. I have found moving around I am bleeding more and losing more clots. I am trying to get up and wander around at least once every half an hour just to keep things moving. I will keep updating, only so anyone who was like me and absolutely petrified of this whole process can hopefully find some comfort in it xx

You're doing well, jellybeans. You will sleep well afterwards.

I agree with @jessstan2 hope you’re ok. I’m thinking of you xxx

@jessstan2 @Peachee thank you both for being here to hold my hand through this. The pain I think reached it’s peak about an hour ago. Nothing extreme, more uncomfortable than anything I would say. Also wasn’t expecting pain in my lower back but have had that most of the day. Again, nothing extreme more of an ache. Bleeding is still heavy and still losing clots. Keeping myself topped up on the painkillers. Hoping I am through the worst of it now. Going to have a shower, and grab a blanket on the couch and then an early night. Hopefully tomorrow I will wake up feeling some sense of relief xx

Hope your on the better side of it @jellybeansandgin I’m just about to start the 4 tablets....I’m absolutely terrified....I want this to be over as soon as possible...I think it’s going to be a long night 😔 I’ve had no bleeding since the first tablet. Did you have anything? X

@Anonymous354 please try not to worry. I was physically shaking this morning inserting the 4. My heart was pounding I was petrified. I am 7 hours in and can honestly say it’s not been a nice day but absolutely nowhere near what I imagined it would be. Pain is completely manageable, more uncomfortable than pain. Bleeding is heavy but not flooding. You can definitely feel clots passing but my advice would be just keep flushing, do not look. Take painkillers before the pain starts and set timers for your next lot. Don’t wait to feel pain and then take them. I had nothing from the first tablet yesterday at all. Nausea all day long but that’s been pretty standard the last few weeks anyway. No bleeding or pain. My advice would be take your pain relief, insert the tablets and lie down for as long as possible. I didn’t get up for an hour after putting them in. I really needed a wee after about 90 mins but waited until they had been in for 2 hours before going the toilet and when I went the bleeding had started. I have been sitting, standing and lying down and yes standing you can feel the rush of blood coming out (sorry TMI) but I think it’s good to keep standing as it’s allowing it to keep moving. Please try not to worry I was a wreck like I say and I feel a lot better knowing I am hopefully through the worst of it. Xx

Thank you! I keep going round in waves of being calm and thinning right just do it and relax and then the next minute I’m absolutely beside myself again. I’m just waiting for a nurse to call me
Back I’ve got pressure on one side so want to speak to them before I go ahead.
Have you done this alone @jellybeansandgin my anxiety is more knowing I could potentially be alone whilst it’s happening. (Partner at work tomorrow) 😩 x

@Anonymous354 I was the same. Honestly I can’t explain my anxiety levels this morning. Let me know how you get on with the nurse. My partner has been here with me today, I was the same didn’t want to be alone however knowing how it’s been now I can say I would of been ok by myself. If you take them tonight I would say you would be over the worst of it by tomorrow. It has been 9 hours since I took them & I feel like I’m through the other side. Fingers crossed! Xx

@jellybeansandgin I just want to say thank you for sharing your experience, I have to go to the clinic on Tuesday to have a scan (potentially) and collect me tablets and reading this thread had thoroughly reassured me. I plan on taking my first tablet on Tuesday lunch and then my second on Wednesday lunch, hoping to be through the worst by Thursday morning xxx

You will feel better tomorrow, jellybean, but tired for a few days so please pamper yourself as much as you can. Tell the children you have stomach ache or something, hopefully they will be gentle around you.

jellybeans

Hope everything is alright with you.

I am by no means a target audience (58!) but I admire your truth and honesty about your situation. I entirely think you are doing the right thing for you and your family, but understand it wasn't an easy decision.

Thank you for posting.

@GH9687 I am sorry you are going through this too. I am glad this has reassured you. I went looking for stories and experiences as I was so scared & found mainly positive stories with some horrors thrown in. I have spent the past week sick with worry and last night and this morning was an absolute nervous wreck. I would say you would be through the worst by Thursday definitely. Things started quite quick for me and the bleeding and pain have definitely eased off now. I am planning to set an alarm to wake up in the night just to keep some pain relief in my system. Aside from the pain, I was expecting to feel emotional. I may sound heartless but I can say I have not felt emotion today. I think from the moment we made the decision to terminate I stopped thinking of this as a baby. I came to terms with it and just needed to get through the procedure. You can do it. It will not be as bad as you think I can assure you xx

@jessstan2 again, thank you. I am planning to take tomorrow and Tuesday off work, even though I am working from home my job is quite stressful and I just need a few days. My children are older (10 & 8) and I can honestly say are absolute angels. They will be no bother and I plan to just relax and hopefully make the most of not being nauseous for the first time in 3 weeks! Xx

I’ve been absolutely terrible...in consoleable at times. Can’t eat, can’t sleep. Feel so guilty I’m not being a good mum to my kids at the moment. I look at their little faces and just cry constantly. But for my own mental health I couldn’t have another baby. Just had a call from the nurse first tablets are in. I’m just praying I’m ok for the school run. Thank you so much for sharing your experience. Il let you know how I get on x

@Miljea thank you. I am hoping by sharing by experience, it might help anyone else about to go through it. The fear of the unknown was almost enough to make me not go through with it. Xx