Abortion at home- petrified

[jellybeansandgin]

Hi, not really sure what I am hoping for by asking for help here. I am having a phone consultation with BPAS tomorrow to start a medical termination. I have been back and forth between keeping baby and having an abortion but ultimately we cannot have another and termination is the only option. I know everyone says it but I never thought I would be in this position. The guilt of the abortion, along with the panic and worry of the pain, bleeding of the abortion itself. I am an absolute wreck. Has anyone been through the medical abortion recently that could share how you got on? I know it will be emotional. I am more concerned about the physical side of things and how I will cope. Thank you xx

I don't think it's much different to a miscarriage other than the fact you are choosing it.
I've had many miscarriages. All ones 8wk+ are quite painfull to go through but you can take all the painkillers you need to help with that. Bleeding can be bad so be prepared to be changing pads quite frequently, maybe get some of the chunky maternity pads in too. My last mc baby passed in it's sac (it'd measured 7+4 at a scan the week before), it needed to be pushed out like labor. Bleeding overall shouldn't last more than a couple of weeks, if it does it can be a sign of retained "products" or an infection and you will need to see the GP for help.

Good luck. It sounds like it's been an extremely tough decision to make.

Thank you for replying. I am very sorry to hear of your miscarriages also. Sounds awful 😢 I had a miscarriage before having my eldest but was extremely early days and don’t remember much pain. I am 7 wks today. I am hoping after the consultation tomorrow they allow me to collect the pills from the clinic as I know they can post out but would rather not put it off any longer. I think the waiting has been the hardest. I am “feeling” pregnant. And more so day by day. We already have two children and I find myself looking at them wondering if we should keep baby and just try and make it work. I know reality would be different through. Work, finances, we are selling our house, we would have a large age gap (10 years) it’s just not something we can face at the moment. I just wish I could snap my fingers and not be pregnant and then feel awful for thinking that too!! Xx

I am sorry you are going through this and it couldn't have been easy to decide this.

I had a spontaneous miscarriage at home. I had been bleeding so was expecting it. My experience was that it was quick. I had a few painful cramps, ran to the bathroom and passed the sac followed by the placenta a short time later. I did bleed heavily for an hour.

I had already given birth so I wonder if that helped?

I know you wanted recent experiences, but i had an at home termination 13 years ago. Personally i preffered it, i was much more relaxed in my own home. I made a little nest on the sofa, got my duvet and hot water bottle and watched shitty comfort movies all day. I was 7 weeks too. Its never a pleasant thing, but for me I found being at home made it bareable. I had the number for the clinic( and a&e once it was out of hours) if i needed it. I hope everything goes ok.

@welshladywhois40 I am so sorry. Hearing of people having miscarriages makes me feel even worse about this as I know how many people would do anything to be pregnant right now. Our youngest is nearly 9 and we have used protection since she was born and never had so much as a scare. We are still scratching our heads as to how it happened. We have decided my partner will be getting the snip after this as no way we would go through this again. I have anxiety and know I am probably building this up to be worse than it is, I know so many women have done this before me and I won’t be the last. So many horror stories out there and I have just scared myself silly. Hoping I will feel better after consultation tomorrow. Xx

@Redannie118 that’s what I have seen a lot of people say too. I think it feels more natural being at home and for a lot of people easier to cope with. I believe due to covid they are not offering surgical as an option now unless 10 weeks. It has taken a week to have the phone consultation which is why I am hoping they allow me to collect the pills tomorrow. I feel the further along I am the harder it will be and possibly the more painful it will be to. I know it’s a first pill followed by 4 more 24 hours later, I am hoping to take the first one tomorrow and have someone watch the children for my Friday after school while I take the second lot and hopefully they will be none the wiser. It’s not a nice situation at all but it is comforting to know others have been here feeling the same as I do now xx

Hi
I had a medical abortion in 2009. I had the tablet and everything came away naturally the following day. I didn’t have any pain at all and I took paracetamol just in case. It wasn’t the most pleasant experience but I was ok looking back. I had to stay near a toilet at the time and made sure I had lots of thick incontinence pads which were needed. I think the clinic will advise about all this though.
The people at the clinic were really lovely and understanding.
It sounds horrible writing this down but it was my experience. I knew in my heart I did the right thing.. I had not one shred of doubt and still don’t over 10 years later. I was a young teenager at the time.
I then went back to the surgery on the Monday for the pessary.
I am aware how cold this post makes me look to people who aren’t pro choice too. My reasons were completely rational and for the best considering the circumstances.

Massive hand hold for you.. if you definitely feel 100% and will gain a sense of relief from the decision you made you are making the right choice! HTH
If you have any questions ask me any time
xx

I had medical management of a MC and it honestly wasn't that bad. I was very emotional (different situation to you) but physically it was unpleasant but completely bearable. Of course it did hurt but you can have whatever painkillers they'll give you and a hot water bottle and do what you need to to be comfortable at home. I wasn't really prepared for how upset my tummy would be - definitely needed to be near a bathroom and a sick bowl and it was not very glamorous for a day or so but after that it was just like a heavy period. I was measuring nearly 9wks at the time so it was a bit more developed as well and still wasn't that awful. It sounds like a tough decision anyway - don't be scared of the physical side, you'll get through it.

I had a medical abortion around 3 years ago, the only difference right now is that you’ll take the tablets at home only and not at the hospital to then be then be sent home for tissue to pass naturally. I actually think I would have preferred to have done it all at home as going to the hospital to take the tablets in the room in front of a nurse made me quite upset for some reason, I felt a little judged and embarrassed. Also, I started bleeding very very quickly after the final tablet so I think it started before I even got home. I’d recommend taking a few days off work, or if you’re not telling anyone to say that you’re unwell just so you can recover at home in peace if possible. Also I found that a hot water bottle and paracetamol really helped. It’s similar to period cramps and you will pass a lot of blood, I found the pain stopped immediately when I passed the “sack”. It wasn’t overly painful and even though I was 100% sure it was the correct decision (and still firmly believe that now) for a few months after it I really did doubt myself and felt really down. It was probably a mixture of guilt and shock, but again I couldn’t have coped with a baby at that time in my life so continuing to remind myself of that did help. Hope you’re okay xx

I had one last year.
I took the first pill on the Monday then inserted the other 4 on the Thursday. I did it without pain relief and honestly it just felt like period pain (I was 7 weeks at the time) after about 4 hours I felt like I had to go to the toilet and when I did the sac fell out and after that the bleeding reduced by quite a bit.
I was one of the unfortunate ones that had retained products so I bled for probably about 8 weeks but they came away themselves eventually.
I did struggle with guilt and never spoke to anyone so I would suggest speaking to a Councillor through bpas if you can.
It's honestly not as bad as people make it out to be, remember you only ever hear the horror stories.

@Peachee thank you for sharing this. I think it’s shocked me how common this is, it’s something I’ve never really thought about until it’s happened to me. Makes you wonder how many people you know you know who have gone through similar without anyone knowing. I have ordered the thick maternity pads as I do suffer with heavy periods anyway so not sure if this means I will bleed more. I don’t think you sound cold at all. As you say you made the right choice for you at the time. I am sure there will be times over the years to come where I think “what if” but ultimately I am making the best choice for me now and that’s what I need to remember. I have gone back and forth over the last week or so but feel my mind is now 100% made up and I do feel relief from making the choice. Xx

@BlueberryPancake21i have seen a few people say the same about the medical management of a miscarriage. I can only imagine the emotions this must bring on for a wanted pregnancy and am truly sorry you went through this. I am stocking up on painkillers and hoping to just spend the day in bed (near the bathroom) hot water bottle, plenty of water and just make it through. I have also heard pretty much everyone say the pain eased once you pass the pregnancy. I am fully expecting to bleed for at least a few weeks after and I am prepared for this. I think i am just building myself up to the day of the actual loss itself. I do think it will bring me a relief for it to be over with, as much as it’s breaking my heart. Xx

If you don't want abortion don't have it. Look into other options.

I supported a friend early this year and she was advised to buy disposable incontinence pants (one pack is plenty). She coped brilliantly, I felt bad that I couldn't be with her (lockdown 3 days prior) but we talked on messenger video for hours

@Amelia49 I understand what you mean about the hospital setting. Part of me wishes I could have the surgical and just go in, have the procedure and leave and it be done. But I too would feel judged and like I was wasting the nurses time?! Kind of feel like being at home and being in pain is almost what I deserve for allowing this to happen. I am working from home at the moment, if I can get the pills tomorrow then I plan to take Friday off to take the second lot and hopefully will be able to work Monday as I can basically set myself up on the couch with a blanket and my laptop if I need to. I feel I can deal with the emotions as I have made my mind up but I know I will be upset on the day. I have a nice life at the moment, and I am sure we would find a way to cope with a new baby. I love babies and the newborn bubble. I just know we will struggle and not really be living a life we enjoy. My kids are getting older and more independent, we got a puppy last year and she has became the baby of our family. I honestly believe I would regret going through with the pregnancy. I think you’re right, thank you for sharing. It’s never an easy or nice situation to be in, but we have to remind ourselves of why we are making the choice xx

@Alicespring thank you for sharing this. I think you are right, for those people who have a straightforward process I suppose they don’t go on forums usually to shout about it. I think the process I will be having is the same as you had? One tablet followed by 4 inserted vaginally as apparently helps to stop the tablets making you nauseous? I am nauseous at the moment anyway due to the pregnancy so anything to not add to that I will do. My partner supports the decision we came to this choice together so I can talk to him but I will look at the counselling as I am sure after the procedure I will feel things I wasn’t expecting to feel. Again, I am grateful to you all for sharing this with me. I get this is not a popular choice, and certainly not one I thought i would be making in my life. But I do feel it’s right for us xx

@jellybeansandgin again I want to say there is no judgement what so ever from me. I was hoping to give you a more positive view that hopefully it will be quick.

I can't imagine how awful the decision has been. My partner is off for the snip next month as we have both agreed we can go through another pregnancy or cope with another child.

My partner has arranged his with the local Marie stopes clinic.

Best wishes and keep thinking of the future.

@Viviennemary for me there are no other options unfortunately. I certainly do not WANT an abortion. However I also do not want and couldn’t have another baby. I think anyone who can go through pregnancy and give that baby up for adoption is an absolute hero. That is not something we could do. Xx

@minniemoocher thank you for this. I have heard people say it wasn’t as bad as they were expecting it to be. I suppose it’s personal experience and pain thresholds etc. I am not planning to tell anyone other than me and my partner. My sister has struggled for years to fall pregnant, I can barely look at her now knowing what I am about to do but keep reminding myself it’s not a decision I have made lightly x

Nobody deserves this. Be kind to yourself.

@welshladywhois40 thank you, I absolutely did not feel you were being judgemental in your reply. My heart breaks for everyone struggling with fertility, miscarriages etc. I just keep telling myself I can be sad for them and still make this choice for me at the same time. One does not cancel out the other. My partner has always said he doesn’t need the snip, as we have always been 100% with contraception. As soon as we made the decision to terminate he said he would get booked in ASAP for it. We both know we would not be going through this again. Thank you, that’s what I am trying to do. I keep thinking hopefully by this time next week the worst of it will be over. Xx

@HettieHelvetica thank you. This is what I would say to someone else if it wasn’t happening to me. I know that aside from being celibate we took all precautions we could. I have thought over the years what I would do if I fell pregnant. I always just assumed we would keep the baby and be a family of 5. Abortion never crossed my mind. Until it became a reality. I have felt depressed and down since the positive test. Xx

@jellybeansandgin
Yeah it'll be the same one. I think it is to stop with the nausea and I didn't have any so it does work.
My partner was also really supportive but I probably would've benefited from some outside perspective too, but at least you know that option to speak to someone about it is always there.
It's not a nice choice to make, but for me at the time, it was right and I stand by that. So don't beat yourself up for having got in a position to have to make these choices, sometimes these things happen and as you say it's the right choice for you too.
I hope it all goes well for you xx

@Alicespring I agree. I know I am definitely guilty of looking back at past choices and thinking what if. But keep telling myself this choice is what’s best for us now. Thank you. Xx

Both these resources talk about the problems that have arisen for women who took the at home abortion pill. They are both anti abortion so you may not be interested but unfortunately, the abortion provider themselves wont be honest about the issues have exploded from this new law allowing taking a pill without supervision.
The first is an account from a nurse who took the pill at home.
christianconcern.com/comment/home-abortion-i-dont-want-anyone-to-suffer-like-i-did/
The other is the CBRUK website.