Abortion at home- petrified

[jellybeansandgin]

Hi, not really sure what I am hoping for by asking for help here. I am having a phone consultation with BPAS tomorrow to start a medical termination. I have been back and forth between keeping baby and having an abortion but ultimately we cannot have another and termination is the only option. I know everyone says it but I never thought I would be in this position. The guilt of the abortion, along with the panic and worry of the pain, bleeding of the abortion itself. I am an absolute wreck. Has anyone been through the medical abortion recently that could share how you got on? I know it will be emotional. I am more concerned about the physical side of things and how I will cope. Thank you xx

My ‘excuse’ is that it’s an entirely correct statement:

www.researchgate.net/publication/221770950_The_Comparative_Safety_of_Legal_Induced_Abortion_and_Childbirth_in_the_United_States_Reply

My point is, don’t play the ‘it’s dangerous for you!’ angle as a thinly disguised front for your own agenda. I really don’t care as to whether you think abortion is killing or not, your thoughts on any other woman’s choices are entirely irrelevant as,
thankfully, OP is very much free to discount anti abortion wailing, and procure a medical treatment she seems necessary for herself.

If the lady had a terrible experience after taking the pill you would all be on here handholding and saying 'I'm so sorry this happened to you!'

Because she would need medical care after a procedure, not because she made the wrong choice.

If someone goes through an abortion, I’ve had two, one of each type, then they almost certainly thought about it at length. If the person is no longer pregnant, the procedure is a success since that was the aim, even if a small follow up is required.

Abortion is not dangerous.

Thank you for all support and understanding. I completely respect there are many people who do not agree with my choice. This has not been a snap decision. For the first 5/6 days of us knowing I was pregnant, termination was not mentioned once. We started talking about mat leave and finances and childcare and bedroom arrangements etc. It was almost a given we would have the baby. I knew I was becoming more depressed the more this became a reality. I started spotting, and thought it was the beginning of a miscarriage. My partner found me sobbing in bed & told me not to worry he was sure the baby was ok, this is when I broke down and told him I felt like a horrible person as part of me was hoping this was a miscarriage as I didn’t want to go through with it. He then admitted he had been feeling the same but had wanted to support me and not bring up abortion for fear of upsetting/shocking me. The sense of relief we both felt there and then realising we could of easily both gone through the motions for 9 months potentially feeling this way the whole way through. I have no doubts if we had the baby that he/she would be absolutely adored. We just do not want to have a baby while we have the choice. I am prepared for an emotional rollercoaster. I am not heartless I appreciate the enormity of my decision. I do feel this is the best choice for family. X

Just an update in case anyone is in a similar position and is nervous about the process. Just had my phone consultation. Nurse was lovely, really understanding but to the point. Said no one expects to find themselves in this position. Was a detailed conversation, past medical history etc. She said based on my last period dates and med history I won’t need a scan. Unfortunately I can’t collect the pills as the next slot they had to collect them was tuesday. She said they will be sent out today and I should get them in 1-3 days but most get them the next day. I am hoping they arrive tomorrow as the waiting around is worse. Just want to take them as soon as possible x

You’ll be okay OP, I’m glad the nurse was reassuring. Abortion is extremely common, so many women have been, are, and will be in your shoes. You’re very much not alone, and you’ve no reason to beat yourself up. Be kind to yourself.

[quote jellybeansandgin]@Viviennemary for me there are no other options unfortunately. I certainly do not WANT an abortion. However I also do not want and couldn’t have another baby. I think anyone who can go through pregnancy and give that baby up for adoption is an absolute hero. That is not something we could do. Xx[/quote]
I am so sorry you have to go through this. I hope it is all over and done with, within the next week. You will be fine. As others have said, at your stage it will be like a bad period. However do take care of yourself, pamper for a while afterwards, let your partner take over the 'jobs'.

Come back and tell us how you are when it is all over.

It's good that you haven't told others about this, it only concerns you and your husband.

@jellybeansandgin
Really feel for you.
I’m going through the exact same thing unfortunately. I had a baby 10months ago quite a traumatic birth. We said we were done. Contraception has failed and I’m now 5 weeks pregnant. I’ve just had my first call with MSI after waiting since Monday. I had decided on surgical as I’ve had this done before (ashamed to say, and never thought I would find myself in this situation again). However after my consultation have been told this is only being offered after 10 weeks due to COVID. There is no way I can wait that long. I am absolutely terrified and also looking for some information
On the pain side of things. I’m hoping because I’m so early on (5weeks) and I’ve had 2 children it may not be as bad. I’m just so scared 😞 x

I'm glad the nurse was reassuring. For what it's worth, I think being able to take the pills at home is much better. Pre lockdown, when you had an appointment at the clinic all they do is give you the pills there, then send you home. So you are travelling back to your house in the period before they kick in, rather than just making yourself comfortable on your own sofa/bed.

I had a termination a few years ago where the (new) person giving me the pills wrongly gave them to me at the start rather than the end of the appointment, and then there was an unexpected road accident causing traffic to be held up when I was on the bus on the way home. As a result I started miscarrying before I got back, which was horrific. I think taking the pills in the safety of your home is a lot better and less risky.

As an aside a hot water bottle really really helps with the pain (as does the codeine they give you!)

@Anonymous354 I am so sorry you are going through this too. I think it’s the fear of the unknown isn’t it. I am a natural worrier and probably a bit of a control freak, the idea that I will take these pills with no real control over how I will react is frightening but I have to say that 99% of people have said it was awful but not as bad as they built it up to be. I am hoping the pills arrive tomorrow as I just want to get it started now. My thinking is that hopefully by this time next week the worst will be over. Please keep me updated on how you are. And here if you need to talk xx

@JovialNickname omg that sounds horrific. I definitely do see the benefits to being at home. I think it’s just the anxiety around anything going wrong and having no medically trained people there but that’s my anxiety playing tricks on me. If they arrive tomorrow I plan to take the first pill tomorrow, followed by the 4 Saturday morning. Plan to just set myself up in bed, painkillers, water, hot water bottle, maybe a book or some tv. And just get through it. I have heard the pains are worst leading up to the pregnancy passing and once this has passed the pain tends to ease off. Fingers crossed I reach that stage fairly quickly and by Saturday evening I will be over the worst of it xx

@jessstan2 thank you, really. I have been blown away by the kindness of strangers here. I do feel awful, the guilt will likely stay with me a long time but I know this choice is the right one. My partner is very good around the house and with our children, so he will definitely be running the show over the weekend while I try to power through this xx

@jellybeansandgin I know it’s awful isn’t it 😩 to be fair the ones I have read that I can compare to myself...already had children...similar gestation to me. I haven’t really found one where they have said the were in excruciating pain. Just like a bad period so that’s what I’m hoping for. The really bad reviews I’ve seen seem to be further on, and not had children before. I’m exactly the same that is my fear...I have 2 children first labour was text book and ok....second labour under a year ago was absolutely horrendous....so I agree that’s my fear you just don’t know how your body will react. Fingers crossed they arrive tomorrow for you. I’m collecting mine tomorrow too. Here also if you need to talk x

OP - and others in thesame situation - I just wanted to add my best wishes. Hope it is as ok as possible, you sound very brave and caring.

@Anonymous354 I have had two c sections, although my first was an emergency and I was in full labour beforehand so have experienced contractions etc just not actual birth. I have also seen a lot of people say some of the horror stories are from anti abortion sites. I think we can only trust that we will get through it, painkillers and probably tears but we can do it. I think for unsure people or those with doubts it will be traumatic. As I know this is definitely the right choice I think it will also bring some relief once it’s over. Please let me know how you are and how things go for you xx

I was absolutely better at home cosied up in my dressing gown in my own surroundings.
I just cared for myself over that weekend.
I’m aware it will sound like a lovely day - it wasn’t lovely - but I felt reassured, safe and comforted being in my own little protected bubble.

Also. I suffered very badly with period cramps at this stage to the point where I once fainted.. I had no cramping or pain whatsoever at any stage just heavy bleeding and blood clots. I also couldn’t distinguish that I was ‘passing a pregnancy’ as such. I suppose everyone is different. I was 9 weeks pregnant.

@Peachee thank you for sharing and I am sorry you had to go through this too. Lots of people have said similar in terms of being at home feeling more natural & reassured. Xx

Hope it all goes well for you and you are soon on the other side of this. Best of luck!

@jellybeansandgin how are you doing have your tablets arrived? X

@Anonymous354 hi, yes they arrived today. Have taken the mifepristone today. No major side effects other than nausea since taking it. But have been suffering with nausea due to the pregnancy anyway. I am very anxious for what tomorrow will bring, but just want it over with more than anything. How are you? Xx

I’ve just taken my first tablet too. Me too...so scared. Nurses just advised before I take them medication and hot water bottle. I just keep thinking the day of discomfort and hopefully not
Too much pain is either better than waiting for surgery or as awful as it sounds having an unwanted baby :( x

I hope you're doing OK, OP and any others currently going through this. I was in the same situation 3 years ago - it was uncomfortable for a few hours, but the 'clot'passed quite easily (just one strong stomach contraction and that was it). Keep going with the hot water bottles, watch absolute rubbish on the TV to take your mind off things and let your body do the rest. You'll be fine. Thinking of you both.

@Anonymous354 yes same here general idea seems to be don’t take the painkillers once the pain starts. Already have them in your system beforehand. I know as much as the pain worries me, going through with a pregnancy I wasn’t happy about, worried me more. I am planning to get up tomorrow, shower, fresh pjs, back to bed and take them. As you say hopefully a day of pain and that will be the worst over. Keep telling myself by Monday I will be through it. We can do this. Here at any point if you need to chat xx

@DiscoStusMoonboots thank you. I am still shocked at how common this is. It really isn’t talked about enough, to the point where the guilt and shame was almost enough to make me not go through with it. I am hoping by staying topped up on painkillers, and reminding myself it will soon be over will help. Xx

[quote jellybeansandgin]@DiscoStusMoonboots thank you. I am still shocked at how common this is. It really isn’t talked about enough, to the point where the guilt and shame was almost enough to make me not go through with it. I am hoping by staying topped up on painkillers, and reminding myself it will soon be over will help. Xx[/quote]
I could not agree more. It's not shameful in my book - just responsible. Look after yourself, it wont be long now xx